Connecting with students on the wall.

I see them every week. Students who come in to the youth room, and just sit (or stand) on the wall immediately hiding behind their screens. Or, they walk in for 2 seconds, scan the room and turn around and walk out! They do not engage. Ever wonder why?

Coming out of a year like no other, many youth pastors face an unexpected challenge: students who are physically present but emotionally and socially distant. Post-COVID, these students often sit along the edges of your youth room, avoiding personal connection and staying glued to their screens. For some, this disengagement is a habit; for others, it’s rooted in something deeper—anxiety.

The Role of Anxiety

Anxiety has become a defining struggle for this generation. The isolation of the pandemic, combined with the pressures of social media and school, has left many students unsure how to engage with others. Walking into a room full of peers can feel overwhelming, and for some, sitting on the wall is their way of coping.

As youth pastors, understanding this dynamic is critical. These students aren’t rejecting community—they’re afraid of it. So, how do we reach them?

1. Create a Safe Space

Anxiety thrives in environments where students feel judged or pressured. Foster a culture of grace and acceptance in your youth group. This could mean setting the tone with leaders who model warmth and understanding or creating intentional moments where students can observe without being forced to participate.

2. Start Small

For anxious students, small steps are huge victories. Instead of inviting them into a large group activity right away, start with one-on-one or small group interactions. For example, invite them to join a game with just a few others or pair them with a trusted peer who can help them feel at ease.

3. Normalize Their Experience

Let students know they’re not alone in their struggles. Share stories of others who’ve dealt with similar challenges, or talk openly about how anxiety impacts relationships. When students feel understood, they’re more likely to take steps toward connection.

4. Use Gentle Encouragement

Instead of calling students out, gently invite them into activities. Phrases like, “Hey, we’d love to have you join us whenever you’re ready,” or “No pressure, but this could be fun if you’re interested,” give them permission to step in at their own pace.

5. Provide Anchors

Anchors are consistent elements that anxious students can rely on. This could be a leader they know will always say hello, a specific activity they enjoy, or even a favorite spot in the room. These small consistencies can help them feel safe enough to engage more deeply over time.

Questions for Reflection:

• Are you providing environments where anxious students feel seen and valued?

• How can you help students take small steps toward deeper relationships?

• In what ways can your leaders support students struggling with anxiety?

When Jesus encountered people on the fringes, He met them with compassion and patience. As youth pastors, we have the same opportunity. By recognizing the impact of anxiety and creating spaces of belonging, we can help students move from the wall to the center of community—and ultimately to the feet of Jesus.

Take heart, youth pastor. Each small step you take toward understanding and connecting with anxious students matters. I know you have these types of students in your group. I’d love hear how you connect these students getting them to engaged in your ministry. Comment below.