Rookie Youth Pastors should NEVER do this!

I remember stepping into my first youth pastor role with a mix of excitement and terror. I had big ideas, a passion for students, and a confidence that I was ready to change the world. Looking back, I wish someone had sat me down and given me a friendly but firm reality check. So if you’re in your first couple of years of youth ministry, consider this that conversation. Here are three things I learned the hard way—three things NOT to do.

1. Don’t Believe You Know It All

When you’re young and fresh in ministry, it’s easy to think you’ve got it all figured out. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, took some youth ministry classes in college and you’re pumped to do things differently than the last guy. But let me tell you—humility goes a long way.

I remember planning an event and assuming I had every detail covered. Turns out, I didn’t even think about things like parent communication, budget approval, or the fact that the church calendar already had another event booked for the same night. Rookie mistake. My pastor kindly pulled me aside and said, “Hey, it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to prove anything.” He taught me the “5 P’s” of event planning. (Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance) That was a game-changer and I still use his advice today 30 years later.

So, stay teachable. Ask questions. Seek wisdom from those who have been in the game longer than you. The best youth pastors aren’t the ones who think they have all the answers—they’re the ones who keep learning and growing.

2. Don’t Neglect the Parents and Adults Who Support You

When I first got into youth ministry, I thought my job was all about the students. And while that’s obviously a huge part of it, I quickly realized something: parents and adult leaders are just as important to my success.

If parents don’t trust you, they won’t support what you’re doing. If adult leaders feel ignored or undervalued, they won’t stick around. And trust me, you NEED them.

At my first church in Rogersville TN, I once planned a retreat without really consulting my key parent leaders. I thought, “They’ll just get on board.” Nope. I got hit with a wave of questions, concerns, and a little frustration. The retreat still happened, but I had to work twice as hard to rebuild trust with those parents afterward.

The best thing you can do? Communicate. Over-communicate. Keep parents in the loop, invite their input, and let them know you value them. Build relationships with adult leaders, invest in them, and empower them to lead alongside you. It’ll make your life (and your ministry) so much easier.

Hot Take: Don’t do anything spontaneous. Parents and Adults don’t like it. Keep your event planning calculated and in advance.

3. Don’t Try to Be Somebody You’re Not

This one’s huge. When you step into youth ministry, it’s tempting to create some cool, ultra-relatable version of yourself that you think students will like. But trust me, they can see right through it.

I tried so hard at first to be the fun, over-the-top, high-energy youth pastor. You know, the guy who’s always loud, always making jokes, and always hyped. But that’s not really me. And honestly, it was exhausting.

If you’re naturally funny, great—lean into it. If you’re more of a deep thinker, own that. If you’re not the type to jump off a stage and crowd surf at camp, don’t force it. Students respect authenticity way more than a manufactured personality. Just be yourself, and let God use you the way He designed you.

Final Thoughts

Youth ministry is an incredible calling, and the first couple of years are a wild ride. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll have awkward moments. You’ll probably look back and cringe at a few things (I sure do). But if you stay humble, invest in the right relationships, and stay true to who you are, you’ll set yourself up for a solid foundation.

So take a breath. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be faithful. And trust me—God will take care of the rest.