Five Ways to Honor Your Wife (Spouse) and Practice Effective Ministry at the Same Time

Let’s be honest—ministry is hard. It’s beautiful, rewarding, and full of purpose, but it can also be a grind. And if we’re not careful, the very thing we’re called to can start pulling us away from the person we promised to love and cherish for life. I’ve lived in that tension—trying to balance leading students, attending every event, answering every text, and still trying to be a present, loving husband.

It’s easy to think we have to choose between honoring our wife and being effective in ministry. But I’m learning that the two actually go hand in hand. In fact, I believe the health of our marriage fuels the health of our ministry. So here are five ways I’m trying to live that out—and maybe they’ll help you too:

1. Don’t give her your leftovers.

I used to give the best of my time and energy to students and volunteers, and then come home completely drained. That’s not honoring. Now, I plan my week so that she gets prime time—whether that’s a date night, slow breakfast together, or just sitting on the couch without a phone in my hand. When she feels seen and valued, ministry actually feels lighter.

2. Let her into your world.

Ministry can get messy—spiritual battles, heavy conversations, leadership stress. Instead of bottling that up, I invite her into it. She’s not just my wife; she’s my teammate. When I let her pray with me, speak into tough decisions, or celebrate a ministry win, she feels like she’s in it with me. And she is.

3. Say “no” more often.

Saying yes to every ministry opportunity means saying no to your marriage more than you realize. I’ve had to learn the hard way that healthy boundaries honor both God and my wife. Missing a student event to attend her thing isn’t failure—it’s faithfulness.

4. Pray together, often.

This one sounds simple, but it’s powerful. When we pray together, bitterness softens, walls fall, and we remember we’re not enemies—we’re on the same team. Even if it’s just for a few minutes before bed, praying with her realigns my heart in a big way.

5. Brag on her in public.

Honor her in front of students. Talk about how much you love her to your leaders. Post something about her on your socials that isn’t just for a birthday or anniversary. Speak life over her in front of others—it builds her up and sets a tone for the kind of marriage your students will see and aspire to.

If you’re in a season where ministry is thriving but your marriage is hurting—or where bitterness has crept in—I get it. But I promise you this: honoring your wife isn’t a threat to your calling. It’s the very thing that gives your ministry long-term credibility and fruit.

You’re not just called to lead well—you’re called to love well. Start there.

If you could use some encouragement, accountability, or just someone to help you reset, I’d love to walk alongside you. Visit freshcalling.org to book a coaching session—we’re here to help you thrive in both ministry and marriage.

Recommended Resources:

• You and Me Forever by Francis & Lisa Chan
• Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
• The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler
• Cherish by Gary Thomas
• Replenish by Lance Witt (for soul care in leadership)

Let’s be the kind of leaders whose homes preach the gospel just as loudly as our messages.