How to Let Your Kids Know You Love Them More Than Ministry

Because your first calling isn’t your calendar—it’s your kids.

Ministry is sacred work—but so is bedtime. So is cheering from the bleachers. So is just being present when your teenager starts opening up at 10:38 p.m. (when you were two minutes from crashing). If we’re not intentional, our own kids—who didn’t choose this life of late-night texts and Sunday-night events—can end up feeling like they live in ministry’s shadow.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can absolutely thrive in ministry and show your kids they’re your favorite calling.

Before I jump in to these 5 ways to show your kids you love them, it’s imperative you have a conversation with your spouse about these things. They need to have input and give feedback to help you shape your actions and intentions. Most of the time your spouse will have deeper insight in to helping you love your kids more than ministry.

Here are 5 ways to make sure they know:

1. Book Their Moments before the Ministry

Block it. Schedule it. Protect it. Add your kid’s game, art show, birthday breakfast, or after-school coffee to your calendar before the staff meetings and retreat prep. When you calendar their lives first, you show them “You don’t have to compete for my attention—you already have it.”

2. Create a “Ministry-Free Zone” at Home

Designate sacred spaces or times where ministry talk is off-limits. Maybe it’s dinner. Maybe it’s the first 30 minutes when you walk through the door. Maybe it’s Sunday night movies or Saturday morning pancakes. Your kids deserve a version of you that’s not constantly “on call.” These moments whisper, “You matter beyond my role at church.”

3. Answer the Knock (Even When It’s Late)

Teenagers rarely open up on our timeline. When they knock—literally or emotionally—open the door. Be interruptible. Those moments often become the holy ground where trust is built and hearts are heard. When you pause for them, you prove they’re more important than your sermon draft or scroll time.

4. Let Them Join, But Don’t Make Them Juggle

Invite your kids into parts of your ministry life—but don’t hand them the weight of it. Let them help decorate the youth room or hand out snacks. Let them see you love what you do. But protect them from the behind-the-scenes stress. They need a front-row seat to your joy, not your burdens.

5. Say the Words (Even If They Roll Their Eyes)

“I love being your dad.” “You’re more important than anything I do at church.” “You’re my favorite ministry.” Don’t assume they know—say it out loud, often. Even if they shrug or make a face, those words settle deep. And when your actions line up with your words? That’s when they believe it.

Bonus: 

Make Rest a Family Tradition

Create a Sabbath rhythm that isn’t just for you—it’s for your whole family. No phones, no ministry talk, just breathing room. Rest together. Play together. Worship together. These moments are memory-makers, and they teach your kids how to value soul-care in a world that glorifies hustle. For us, it’s the time between Thanksgiving and New Years. Lots of family memories during those months!

You don’t have to choose between being a great parent and a faithful pastor. But you do have to be intentional.

If you’re wrestling with how to live that balance, you’re not alone. I’d love to help you process, plan, and protect your priorities. Visit the Fresh Calling Coaching Page for personalized coaching that helps you lead from a place of peace—and parent from a place of joy.

Your ministry is important. But your legacy starts at home. And remember, it’s not about equal time (50/50) it about harmony.