Believe the Best!

by Steve Spence

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in student ministry, it’s this: the emotional and spiritual rollercoaster ride of teenagers can jade even the most seasoned youth pastor if we’re not careful. It’s not the big crises that get us—it’s the steady drip of drama, disappointment, and decisions that make us wonder, Are they even listening? And if we’re not intentional, bitterness can start to settle in like a fog.

But I’ve made a choice in ministry that has saved my heart more times than I can count: I choose to believe the best about my students.

For me, believing the best starts with showing up face-to-face. I value real conversation far more than what scrolls across my feed. I made a commitment a long time ago not to depend on social media for “the tea.” If something is truly important to a student—if it’s heavy, confusing, life-altering, or overwhelming—they’ll tell me when they’re ready. I don’t need their posts to shape my opinion of them or steal my compassion before I even walk into the room.

And honestly? I don’t want to start ministry conversations already annoyed at them because of something they posted at 1:17 AM on a Tuesday.

Instead, I try to use my words to speak life every time I’m with them. You and I both know how rarely students hear encouragement—real encouragement—from the adults in their world. So when I get the chance, I call out the good I see in them. I tell them who they are, not just what they did. I remind them of the identity God is forming in them, not just the struggle they’re stuck in right now. When I speak life, it changes the way I see them… and it often changes the way they see themselves.

Believing the best also means celebrating every win I can find. Big wins, small wins, “you-actually-turned-in-your-homework-on-time” wins—I’ll take them all. I want my students to know I’m paying attention to their progress, not just their problems. Somewhere along the line, I realized that when I cheer for the small things, students start trusting me with the big things.

I’ve also learned to ask curious questions—questions that dig a little deeper than the surface but still communicate care instead of interrogation. Questions like, “What’s been the hardest part of this for you?” or “What are you hoping will happen next?” or “How can I walk with you in this?” When we approach them with curiosity rather than judgment, they can tell. And it matters.

But ultimately, believing the best is really about believing what God wants to do in them through whatever season they’re walking in. Not ignoring their sin. Not pretending they aren’t making choices that worry us. Not putting our heads in the sand. But remembering that God isn’t finished with them… and He isn’t frustrated with the process.

Youth pastor, don’t let bitterness steal the joy of what God has called you to do. Don’t let disappointment dictate the way you shepherd. Believe the best—not because your students always get it right, but because God is always at work. And that is always worth believing in.

If you’re finding yourself wrestling with bitterness, frustration, or compassion fatigue in this season of ministry, you don’t have to walk through it alone. I’d love to help you process it, pray with you, and encourage you toward healthier rhythms. I’m offering a free first-time, one-on-one coaching session through Fresh Calling—no pressure, no agenda, just space for you to breathe and be heard. If you want to talk, let’s set something up.