The Quiet Drift Toward Selfish Ambition
I didn’t notice it at first. It started small—snapping a quick photo of an event for the ministry page, posting a recap video after camp. No big deal, right? But then I caught myself thinking about how many likes it got. I wondered if other youth pastors would notice. Before long, the win wasn’t just about students meeting Jesus. It was about the post that followed.
Ezekiel 34 hit me in the gut the first time I read it with fresh eyes this week:
“Woe to the shepherds of Israel who have been feeding themselves! Shouldn’t the shepherds feed their flock?”
God wasn’t vague. He didn’t say, “Hey guys, just remember to balance self-care with shepherding.” No. He said woe—a word that signals serious trouble. Why? Because the people He loved were starving, and the leaders were full.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: selfish ambition in ministry doesn’t usually announce itself. It creeps in. We tell ourselves it’s about reaching more people, building influence, “expanding the Kingdom.” But underneath, there’s a part of us that wants validation, applause, maybe even envy.
And social media? It pours gas on that fire. You start measuring success by engagement instead of transformation. You feel pressure to make everything “Instagrammable,” even sacred moments that should never be staged. Slowly, the flock becomes a backdrop for our personal brand.
God’s heart for shepherds hasn’t changed. He still expects us to feed His sheep, to know their names, to sit with them in their mess. Students don’t need a celebrity; they need a shepherd who will show up when no one is watching.
If I’m honest, this isn’t just theory for me. I’ve had to ask myself hard questions:
- Would I still lead with the same passion if nobody ever saw it?
- Am I preparing messages for likes—or because students desperately need truth?
- If my platform disappeared tomorrow, would my ministry collapse?
Here’s what I know: God can raise up another shepherd in a heartbeat. I don’t want Him to look at me and say, “You were too busy feeding yourself.” I want to be found faithful, even in the hidden places.
If this stirs something in you, don’t ignore it. I’ve been there. I know how hard it is to lead with pure motives in a world that rewards performance. If you need someone to process this with, I’d love to help. Let’s set up a coaching session and work through it together.
The Prayer Life of a Youth Pastor
I’ve been reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, and two prayer principles hit me right between the eyes: you need to pray through and you need to pray boldly.
I’ll be honest—these aren’t my strong points. I pray for my students. I pray for situations they’re facing. I pray for my own ministry. But if I’m being real, I rarely pray it through. Too often, I drop a situation at God’s feet, check it off the list, and move on to the next need. And bold prayers? I wish I could say I swing for the fences every time I talk to God, but truthfully, I often play it safe.
The problem is that safe prayers don’t require much faith. “God, help Johnny have a good day at school” isn’t bad, but it’s not bold. It’s safe. It doesn’t stretch my faith or expect God to move in ways only He can. I can’t help but wonder how many miracles I’ve missed because I stopped praying too soon—or never prayed big enough in the first place.
Batterson says that “praying through” means you keep praying until God answers—no matter how long it takes. It’s the relentless widow from Luke 18 who refuses to give up. It’s Elijah praying for rain seven times on Mount Carmel before he saw even the smallest cloud. It’s Jacob wrestling with God and saying, “I will not let You go unless You bless me.”
And “praying boldly” is about asking God to do what only He can do—dreaming God-sized dreams and daring to believe He can pull them off. It’s Joshua asking God to make the sun stand still. It’s Peter stepping out of the boat and onto the water. It’s the early church praying for Peter’s release from prison in Acts 12—and being shocked when he actually showed up at the door.
If I’m honest, my prayer life has been more “drive-thru” than “pray through.” I’ve prayed prayers like I’m ordering from a menu—quick, specific, and on to the next thing. But God is calling me (and maybe you too) to linger. To keep circling those prayers in faith until He answers.
Youth ministry is full of challenges that require more than clever ideas or better programming. Students are wrestling with anxiety, identity, temptation, and brokenness. We need God to move in their lives in ways that only He can. And that means we’ve got to start praying with a stubborn faith and a holy boldness.
So here’s my challenge to you—and to myself: Pick one situation in your ministry and pray it through. Keep circling it until God answers. And don’t be afraid to pray boldly. Ask God for the impossible. Believe He can. Then watch how your faith grows when He shows up.
The prayer life of a youth pastor isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being persistent and courageous. Let’s be leaders who refuse to give up and refuse to play it safe. Let’s pray through. Let’s pray boldly. And let’s watch God do what only He can do.
What bold prayer are you praying for? I’m in the trenches with you. Let’s change the atmosphere of our ministries one bold faith-filled prayer at a time.
Finding Your Sabbath after the Summer
Summer in youth ministry is a bit like running a marathon… but with water balloons, campfires, way too many late nights, and the occasional injury involving a dodgeball or late night antics. You’ve survived camp, mission trips, VBS, and possibly that one kid who thinks sunscreen is optional. You’ve prayed, preached, and powered through. And now, as the calendar flips and school buses start rolling again, something magical happens… life slows down—at least a little.
Here’s the thing: most youth pastors are really bad at slowing down. We think because the pace of ministry is naturally calmer in the fall, we’re “resting.” But let’s be honest—we’re just filling our calendars with new projects, meetings, and “catch-up” work we ignored during the summer chaos. If we’re not careful, we’ll move straight from summer sprint into fall hustle with no breathing room in between.
But God didn’t design you to run on fumes. He gave you Sabbath. Not as a “suggestion” or a “when I have time” spiritual luxury, but as a life-giving rhythm that keeps your soul healthy and your calling sustainable. If you want to last in ministry for the long haul, learning to work hard and rest well isn’t optional—it’s essential.
Now is the perfect time to find your Sabbath. To hit the brakes intentionally. To step back from the noise so you can hear the whisper of God again.
Sit with the Lord in Silence and Solitude
You’ve been pouring out all summer. Students have been in your face (and sometimes in your personal space) for weeks. Now it’s time to pour in. Take your Bible, a journal, and nothing else. Find a quiet place—no phone, no email, no “just five minutes to knock this out.” Just you and the Lord. Read slowly. Pray honestly. Sit in the silence until it stops feeling awkward and starts feeling holy.
Reconnect with Your Spouse
If you’re married, chances are your spouse has been carrying more than their share this summer—holding the fort while you were gone, picking up extra responsibilities, and maybe even listening to your “one more camp story” when they were ready for bed. Take them out for coffee. Go for a long walk. Ask them how they’re doing. Pray together. Laugh together. Remind yourselves that before ministry, there was marriage—and your marriage is part of your ministry.
Reconnect with Your Kids
If you have kids, they need you present—not just physically, but emotionally. They need more than “Hey, buddy” on your way out the door. They need tickle fights, bedtime stories, ice cream runs, and time where you’re not scrolling through sermon notes while they’re talking about their day. You’ve been leading everyone else’s teenagers all summer. Now’s the time to lead your own.
Reconnect with Yourself
Sometimes, ministry burns us out because we lose touch with who we are apart from it. What makes you laugh? What fills your tank? Maybe it’s fishing. Maybe it’s cooking. Maybe it’s mowing the lawn with noise-canceling headphones (no shame). Whatever it is—do it. Give yourself permission to be a human being, not just a human doing.
The Hard Truth about Burnout
Burnout doesn’t happen because of one exhausting week—it happens when we live without rest for months or years at a time. Summer ministry is supposed to be intense. That’s fine. But if every season is intense, you’re not being “faithful”—you’re being reckless with your soul. Sabbath is God’s idea because He knows we can’t keep giving without receiving.
So here’s the challenge: before you start loading up the fall calendar with events, camps, and retreats, schedule your Sabbath. Literally put it on the calendar in ink, not pencil. Block out your mornings with the Lord. Plan your days off with your family. Create space for your own heart to breathe.
You just poured yourself out for three straight months. Now it’s time to refill. Your ministry will be stronger. Your marriage will be healthier. Your soul will be at peace. And when the next season of hard work comes—and it will—you’ll be ready.
So, youth pastor, take a deep breath. Slow your pace. Find your Sabbath.
Because your calling isn’t a sprint—it’s a lifelong run. And even marathoners have to stop for water.
Let’s Walk This Out Together
If reading this made you realize how much you’ve been running on empty, you’re not alone. I work with youth pastors all the time who are passionate about ministry but struggling to find their rhythm of rest. That’s why I offer 1:1 coaching—to help leaders like you create a sustainable pace, rekindle your joy, and lead from a place of overflow instead of exhaustion.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward a healthier, more balanced ministry life, let’s connect. You can send me a message and we’ll set up a time to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there—without burning out in the process.
A Calling to Cultivate
Youth ministry is one of those ministries where there is a beginning and an end. They “grow through” your ministry. It feels temporary sometimes. These are the people we are called to shepherd. Yes, it’s full of fast paced calendars, catchy but yet inspiring messages, heavy conversations, and parent drama. But underneath all of it, there’s a deeper calling—not just to lead or to teach, but to cultivate.
To cultivate is to prepare, nurture, and protect what’s been planted. It’s slow work. Unseen work. Faithful work. You don’t always see immediate growth, but you trust that something is happening beneath the surface.
So what does it mean to cultivate a spiritual foundation in the lives of students?
It means creating environments where God’s Word is central. It means challenging surface-level faith and encouraging students to wrestle with truth. It means modeling what it looks like to walk with Jesus when life is full, stressful, confusing, or just ordinary.
It also means understanding this: our time with students is limited. At some point, they leave youth group. They graduate. They move out, get jobs, go to college, or step into adulthood in all its complexity. And that’s when the foundation we helped them build is tested.
We’re not responsible for the harvest. But we are called to prepare the soil.
How Do We Cultivate in a Way That Lasts?
Here are a few simple principles I’ve come to believe:
- Teach beyond the moment. It’s easy to preach to what they’re feeling today—but make sure you’re equipping them for what they’ll face tomorrow. Teach habits. Teach spiritual depth. Teach the whole counsel of God, not just the highlight reel.
- Focus on formation, not just attendance. It’s easy to be discouraged by small groups that feel half full or nights when the energy is low. But true formation often happens in quiet, consistent rhythms. Don’t just celebrate full rooms—celebrate faithful hearts.
- Let go of outcomes. This may be the hardest part. Sometimes you pour into a student for years and never see fruit. You wonder if it mattered. But ministry isn’t transactional—it’s transformational. And transformation rarely follows our timeline. We also need to beware of writing the story of transformation for our students, and simply allow the Lord to be the writer.
You May Not See It, But It Still Matters
If you’ve been in ministry long enough, you know the truth: not every student comes back to thank you. Many drift. Some walk away. And that can wear on your soul.
But we cultivate anyway.
Because God sees. God waters. God brings the growth—in His time, not ours.
So stay faithful. Keep planting. Keep showing up. Keep pointing students to Jesus.
Because cultivating may not be flashy, but it’s exactly what we’ve been called to do.
If you’re feeling the weight of this calling—or just wondering how to keep cultivating when the soil feels dry—I’d love to walk with you. I offer one-on-one coaching for youth pastors who need encouragement, clarity, or just someone to process ministry with. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Click here to sign up for a free coaching session and let’s take the next step together.
Resilience: A Calling That Stands the Test of Time
What Is Resilience? Resilience is more than just bouncing back—it’s standing firm. It’s the holy grit to keep showing up, even when ministry is hard, results are slow, and your soul feels worn thin. In a biblical sense, resilience is the enduring strength to remain steadfast in your calling despite pain, pressure, or disappointment.
It’s what Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (CSB): “We are afflicted in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed.”
That’s the heartbeat of resilience. It’s not the absence of struggle—it’s the presence of unwavering trust in the One who called you.
God never promised ministry would be easy. But He did promise He’d be with us in every moment. The prophet Isaiah said it like this: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” (Isaiah 43:1b-2a CSB).
Resilience isn’t a personality trait reserved for the tough—it’s a spiritual posture rooted in God’s faithfulness. It’s choosing to believe that when God calls, He also sustains.
And let’s be honest—ministry will test that belief.
There will be seasons when students ghost your small group, parents question your leadership, your team feels divided, or your own heart grows weary from pouring out more than you receive. These are the moments that reveal if we’re rooted in the applause of people or the approval of God.
So, How Do You Build Resilience in Ministry?
Here’s the truth: the secret to resilience isn’t found in better systems, stronger teams, or more creative events. Those help—but they aren’t the foundation. The secret is a steadfast personal faith in the One who called you.
Let’s break it down practically:
1. Return to the Source Daily. You can’t draw water from a dry well. Start each day not with a task list, but with time in the Word and prayer. Not to prepare a message, but to hear from God for your own soul. Your quiet time isn’t optional—it’s your lifeline. Your private devotion fuels public endurance.
2. Remind Yourself of the Call. When things get tough, go back to your calling. Write it down. Revisit the moment God invited you into ministry. What did He say? What did you feel? What Scripture anchored you then? Let that memory remind you: He chose you for this.
3. Reframe the Pain. Hard days don’t mean you’re failing—they may mean you’re growing. Don’t interpret resistance as a sign to quit. Jesus faced rejection, fatigue, betrayal, and deep sorrow. And yet, “for the joy that lay before Him, He endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2 CSB). If He didn’t run from hardship, we shouldn’t either.
4. Rest Without Guilt. Resilience isn’t about grinding until you collapse. It’s about knowing when to pull back and recover. Even Jesus withdrew to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:16). Sabbath is a command, not a suggestion. Your soul needs regular rhythms of rest.
5. Rely on the Community of Faith. You were never meant to do this alone. Find people—other pastors, trusted friends, mentors—who can speak truth into your life when you feel like giving up. Let them carry your burdens. Let them pray over you. Isolation is a fast track to burnout.
Resilience isn’t about being strong enough. It’s about being surrendered enough. Ministry will test your limits, but it will also deepen your dependence on Jesus. The longer you walk with Him, the more you’ll discover that the same God who called you is still holding you. Still sustaining you. Still working through you—even when you can’t see it.
So don’t quit.
Keep showing up.
Stand firm in your calling.
And let your resilience testify not to your strength—but to God’s.
Let chat about how you can build resilience in your calling. Schedule a coaching session. The first one is free! Let’s pray and believe together.
How to Guard Your Heart from Disappointment
What I’ve Learned from Burnout, Heartache, and Holding On
There was a season in ministry where I hit a wall. Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I was worn down—burned out, really. I found myself frustrated, not just by the schedule or the pressure, but by something deeper: disappointment.
I was investing my heart and soul into students. Showing up, listening, praying, teaching, texting, encouraging—giving them everything I had. And still, they made choices that wrecked me.
A kid I discipled for years stopped coming to church. Another one got caught lying. One jumped into a relationship that was clearly unhealthy. And honestly, I thought to myself more than once:
“It would have been better if you just listened to me in the first place.”
I started to feel like a failure. I questioned whether I was actually making a difference. The spiritual weight I was carrying wasn’t mine to carry, but I couldn’t let it go. If you’ve been there, I get it.
So how do we keep our hearts soft and faithful when disappointment hits hard and often? Here are five things I’ve had to learn—sometimes the hard way—so that I could keep going and keep loving students well.
1. I Had to Get the Right Perspective on Spiritual Growth
I expected too much too soon. I confused spiritual knowledge with spiritual maturity, and I got discouraged when students knew the right answers but still made reckless decisions.
But God reminded me—growth is a process. And sanctification is slow. Teenagers are still figuring out who they are, let alone how to follow Jesus with consistency. They’re going to fall. They’re going to forget. They’re going to stumble.
My role isn’t to make them perfect; it’s to walk with them as they figure it out.
2. I Needed to Believe in the End of the Story
I was getting stuck in the middle of students’ stories and assuming it was the ending. I saw their bad choices as final chapters, instead of plot twists in a much longer narrative.
But God sees the whole picture.
The same kid who barely paid attention last year might be leading worship in college. The one who made a mess of their testimony might be the one who helps others rebuild theirs.
I had to start saying, “God’s not done yet,”—not just out loud, but deep in my own heart.
3. I Had to Learn to Pray with Hope
There’s a big difference between venting in prayer and interceding in hope. I did a lot of the first. But the Lord invited me to do more of the second.
When I stopped begging God to “fix them” and started asking Him to form them, my prayers changed. I started praying with expectation instead of just praying out of exhaustion.
And something shifted in me—I started believing again that prayer actually matters.
4. I Needed to Remember: I’m Not the Author
This one hit hard. I was living like I was responsible for every spiritual outcome in my ministry. Every backslide felt personal. Every dropout felt like a failure.
But I’m not the author of their story. God is.
I’m not their Savior. I’m not the Holy Spirit. I’m a guide, a voice, a shepherd. That’s it.
When I finally accepted that my role was obedience—not results—I started sleeping better. My joy came back. My shoulders dropped. And I found peace in simply being faithful.
5. I Had to Start Celebrating Progress, Not Perfection
I was missing the wins. Not the big ones—the salvations or the big baptisms—but the little ones.
A student who started bringing their Bible. A girl who actually sang during worship for the first time. A guy who shared something real in small group instead of hiding behind jokes.
I had to start looking for and celebrating those little indicators of growth. It helped me stay encouraged and kept me from overlooking what God was already doing.
Final Word: Guarded, Not Hardened
When I say “guard your heart,” I don’t mean shut it down or stop caring. I mean tend to it, like a garden. Protect it from bitterness. Water it with truth. Expose it to hope.
I’ve learned that disappointment is part of ministry—but it doesn’t have to define it. When I trust that God is the One writing each student’s story, I can keep showing up, keep loving well, and keep hoping no matter what.
So if you’re feeling that weight right now—if you’re frustrated, heartbroken, or on the edge of burnout—hear me: You are not alone. You are not failing. And God is still working—more than you can see.
Thinking Deeply and Asking Real Questions:
- Where are you carrying spiritual weight that’s not yours to carry?
- Is there a student you’ve written off that you need to start believing for again?
- Which of these five areas needs your attention this week?
This blog post is deeply personal. It’s “real talk.” Not real sure you’re gonna read any like this one. I would LOVE this opportunity to listen to your story. To reflect together on how not guarding your heart can lead to burnout. I would be honored to pray with you about keeping your passion for ministry. Schedule a 1:1 Coaching session. The first one is free… and only $50 after that. We can meet as often as you like.
I’m mindful of you and praying for all of us to guard our hearts well.
When the Dove Flies Away: What Removes God’s Anointing from Our Ministry
I recently read RT Kendall’s book The Anointing, and there was one image that won’t let go of me. He talks about the Holy Spirit like a dove—gentle, sensitive, easily grieved. And when He is grieved… He leaves. Not because He doesn’t love us, but because His presence cannot abide where sin is tolerated or pride is entertained.
That image wrecked me.
Because if I’m honest, there have been moments in ministry when I’ve operated more in talent than in anointing. When I’ve leaned more on what I could do than who God is. When I’ve mistaken applause for approval and giftedness for godliness.
And I’m convinced now—more than ever—that it’s possible to run an effective ministry while grieving the very Spirit who empowers it.
The Warning of Saul
King Saul is the cautionary tale for all of us in leadership. Chosen. Anointed. Used by God. And yet… dismissed. Not because he didn’t lead people or win battles. Not because he didn’t have moments of greatness. But because he chose himself over obedience. He feared man more than he feared God. He grasped for control when waiting on God required humility. And the anointing lifted.
The Spirit left Saul… and he didn’t even realize it. That’s the part that scares me most.
What Removes the Anointing?
This isn’t an exhaustive list—but these are a few things that grieve the Spirit and slowly, subtly, cause the dove to fly:
- Pride: When we begin to believe we are the reason for the ministry’s success, we’re on dangerous ground. Pride is the sin that got Satan thrown from heaven—and it’s still the enemy’s favorite way to sabotage a leader. God opposes the proud. Not ignores. Opposes.
- Unrepentant Sin: Private compromises eventually have public consequences. If we’re tolerating sin in secret, we are trading away the anointing for something far cheaper.
- Fear of Man: When our decisions are driven by pleasing people rather than obeying God, we can find ourselves out of step with the Spirit. The applause of people is a terrible substitute for the presence of God.
- Neglect of the Secret Place: You can’t carry public anointing without private surrender. Ministry without intimacy becomes performance.
- Bitterness and Unforgiveness: Holding onto wounds—even ones that feel justified—can poison the well of the Spirit’s flow in your life. The anointing can’t rest on a heart hardened by offense.
But Here’s the Hope…
Even though the dove is easily grieved, He is also eager to return. God doesn’t give up on us. He didn’t reject David when he sinned. Why? Because David was quick to repent. He grieved his sin more than he grieved being caught. He longed not just for forgiveness—but for restoration.
“Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.” (Psalm 51:11 CSB)
That’s the heart cry of someone who understands how precious the anointing really is.
A Fresh Wind is Available
If you’ve been leading from empty, striving instead of abiding, managing instead of ministering—it’s not too late. Lay down your pride. Confess your sin. Step back into the secret place. Choose obedience over image. Let God break your heart again. The anointing isn’t earned—but it is stewarded.
And when the dove returns… everything changes.
Reflection Questions for Youth Pastors:
Seriously, if you’ve made it this far in the blog this topic has peaked your interest. I want to help you process it and seek the Lord for His anointing over your life and ministry. Here are 5 “yes or no” questions to help you discover if you are ministering in dependence on the Spirit or your own pride.
- Am I more dependent on my skill or on the Spirit in my daily ministry?
- Is there any area of unrepentant sin in my life that I’ve justified or ignored?
- Have I exchanged intimacy with God for productivity for God?
- What fear or insecurity is driving my decisions more than obedience?
- Do I long for the presence of God more than the platform of ministry?
Let’s Talk About It
If this post struck something in you—if you feel the weight of leading while weary or the ache of ministry without anointing—I want to invite you to take a next step. You don’t have to figure it out alone. I’ve been there, and I’d love to help you walk toward renewal and deeper surrender.
Visit the Coaching Page and sign up for a time to talk. No pressure. First session is free. Just a conversation to help you take your next step toward leading from a place of anointing, not just ability.
Because your calling matters. And the presence of God on your life is worth everything.
Here’s an Amazon link to RT Kendall’s book. The Anointing: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
Managing the Weight of Expectations in Youth Ministry
Ministry can feel like a tug-of-war between calling and expectations.
We stepped into youth ministry because we love Jesus and want teenagers to know Him. But somewhere along the way, the pressure starts stacking up. Parents want communication and results. Students want fun and authenticity. Senior pastors want growth and alignment. And we want to be faithful—but we also want to stay sane.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly falling short—like there’s always someone who needs more than you can give—you’re not alone. And you’re not failing.
You’re simply feeling the weight of expectations. The real question is: How do we carry that weight without it crushing us?
1. Recognize the Pressure Without Owning All of It
You don’t have to make a spreadsheet of every expectation you think people have of you. That’s not helpful—and it’s not healthy. I’ve done that before!
Instead, start by simply acknowledging that the pressure is real. You’re serving a wide range of people, all with different needs, perspectives, and hopes. Some will speak up. Others will stay silent. But their expectations still hang in the air. And that can get heavy fast.
Rather than trying to meet every need, ask God to help you focus on what matters most in this season.
2. Be Honest About What’s Reasonable
You’re not Jesus. You’re not a machine. You’re not a miracle worker. You’re a minister, called by God, and equipped for the work He’s assigned you to do—not someone else’s version of success.
You can’t be everywhere. You won’t please everyone. And that’s okay.
A fair expectation allows you to love students well, lead with integrity, and maintain a healthy life. An unfair expectation demands more than you were created to give. Give yourself permission to acknowledge that difference—with grace, not guilt.
3. Communicate What You Can Give
People don’t need perfection from you—they just need clarity.
Keep parents in the loop. Let your pastor know where your heart is and how you’re pacing yourself. Build a culture of grace in your team by being honest about your priorities and capacity.
The more you proactively communicate the “why” behind your plans and boundaries, the less space there is for confusion or criticism.
You don’t have to defend yourself—you just need to keep the conversation open.
4. Stay Anchored to the Voice That Matters Most
The expectations of people can be loud. But the voice of God is still, calm, and steady.
Spend time listening to Him. Not just preparing your next message, but letting Him remind you who you are. Loved. Called. Enough.
Ministry gets distorted when we start working for approval instead of from identity. Stay close to the Shepherd. He doesn’t drive you with shame—He leads you with peace.
5. Get the Right Support Around You
You can’t do this alone. Every great leader needs space to process, rest, and recalibrate.
That’s why I’ve created Fresh Calling. I offer one-on-one coaching for youth pastors who want to lead from a healthy place and build ministries that last. Whether you’re in a good season or a hard one, I’d love to walk alongside you.
Visit the Fresh Calling Coaching Page to explore coaching options and take a next step toward sustainable, joy-filled ministry.
And as a free resource to help you process expectations in a life-giving way, download our Managing Expectations Worksheet. It’s simple, thoughtful, and designed to help you find peace in the middle of the pressure.
When Your Own Kid Sits in the Room
This blog post comes at a time in our family’s life full of emotion. Our youngest daughter is finishing high school this week. It’s a bittersweet moment for us. I’m thinking back over the past 22 years of parenting our kids and thinking how they have impacted my life and my ministry. So allow me to just encourage you to think deeply with me about how having our own kids in our ministry changes us in the best way possible.
The night everything changed… I’ll never forget it.
It was a regular Wednesday night—until it wasn’t. I stood to preach, Bible in hand, message ready, students settling in. But as I scanned the room, my eyes landed on someone new. Not a first-time guest. Not a leader.
My oldest daughter, sitting quietly in a chair under the same lights where I’ve preached a hundred times. She had just moved out of kids ministry and she was in 6th grade. And in that moment, everything changed.
It wasn’t fear or pressure—it was perspective.
It’s Different When It’s Your Kid
I’ve always taken teaching seriously. I want every student to hear truth, feel seen, and be drawn closer to Jesus. But when your own kid is sitting there—soaking up the same message as the rest—it hits differently.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just thinking about sermon points and illustrations. I was thinking, What is she really hearing?
Is this just clear? Or is it personal?
Would I still say this if it was just her in the room?
And then came the biggest question: Do I live what I’m about to say?
Because when your kid is in the room, there’s no pretending. They know the behind-the-scenes. They’ve seen you stressed. They’ve heard your tone at home. They’re not impressed by polished words—they’re watching for lived-out truth.
Preaching Like a Parent
That night shifted something in me. I started preaching like a dad.
I still prepared like a pastor—still studied, still wrestled with the text, still wanted it to connect. But now, my filter had changed. I asked, Would this help my daughter love Jesus more? Would it challenge her heart, not just her behavior? Is this something I’d want her to remember in college, or on a lonely night, or in a hard friendship?
Preaching like a parent doesn’t water down the gospel—it brings it to life.
The Hidden Gift in the Front Row
Not every pastor gets the chance to minister to their own child. It’s a sacred, sometimes fragile, always humbling gift. If you’re there right now—if your kid is in the room, or coming soon—don’t miss the moment.
Let it soften your heart. Let it shape your tone. Let it remind you that every student is someone’s kid—and that someone is praying they meet Jesus here.
And when your kid asks a question about your message later… or stays quiet but keeps showing up… or challenges something you said with bold teenager honesty—that’s not disrespect. That’s discipleship.
It’ll Change You—in the Best Way
Having your kid in your ministry will keep you honest. It’ll drive you to your knees. It might even wreck your outline sometimes. But it will also make you better.
Because suddenly, you’re not just preaching to students.
You’re preaching for your own.
And that will sharpen your voice, tender your heart, and renew your purpose in ways you never expected.
If you’re navigating the wild, wonderful, and sometimes awkward reality of having your kids in your ministry, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Visit the Fresh Calling Coaching Page for encouragement, strategy, and someone who gets it. Let’s walk this journey together.
Because when your own kid sits in the room… everything changes. And that’s a beautiful thing.
How to Let Your Kids Know You Love Them More Than Ministry
Because your first calling isn’t your calendar—it’s your kids.
Ministry is sacred work—but so is bedtime. So is cheering from the bleachers. So is just being present when your teenager starts opening up at 10:38 p.m. (when you were two minutes from crashing). If we’re not intentional, our own kids—who didn’t choose this life of late-night texts and Sunday-night events—can end up feeling like they live in ministry’s shadow.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can absolutely thrive in ministry and show your kids they’re your favorite calling.
Before I jump in to these 5 ways to show your kids you love them, it’s imperative you have a conversation with your spouse about these things. They need to have input and give feedback to help you shape your actions and intentions. Most of the time your spouse will have deeper insight in to helping you love your kids more than ministry.
Here are 5 ways to make sure they know:
1. Book Their Moments before the Ministry
Block it. Schedule it. Protect it. Add your kid’s game, art show, birthday breakfast, or after-school coffee to your calendar before the staff meetings and retreat prep. When you calendar their lives first, you show them “You don’t have to compete for my attention—you already have it.”
2. Create a “Ministry-Free Zone” at Home
Designate sacred spaces or times where ministry talk is off-limits. Maybe it’s dinner. Maybe it’s the first 30 minutes when you walk through the door. Maybe it’s Sunday night movies or Saturday morning pancakes. Your kids deserve a version of you that’s not constantly “on call.” These moments whisper, “You matter beyond my role at church.”
3. Answer the Knock (Even When It’s Late)
Teenagers rarely open up on our timeline. When they knock—literally or emotionally—open the door. Be interruptible. Those moments often become the holy ground where trust is built and hearts are heard. When you pause for them, you prove they’re more important than your sermon draft or scroll time.
4. Let Them Join, But Don’t Make Them Juggle
Invite your kids into parts of your ministry life—but don’t hand them the weight of it. Let them help decorate the youth room or hand out snacks. Let them see you love what you do. But protect them from the behind-the-scenes stress. They need a front-row seat to your joy, not your burdens.
5. Say the Words (Even If They Roll Their Eyes)
“I love being your dad.” “You’re more important than anything I do at church.” “You’re my favorite ministry.” Don’t assume they know—say it out loud, often. Even if they shrug or make a face, those words settle deep. And when your actions line up with your words? That’s when they believe it.
Bonus:
Make Rest a Family Tradition
Create a Sabbath rhythm that isn’t just for you—it’s for your whole family. No phones, no ministry talk, just breathing room. Rest together. Play together. Worship together. These moments are memory-makers, and they teach your kids how to value soul-care in a world that glorifies hustle. For us, it’s the time between Thanksgiving and New Years. Lots of family memories during those months!
You don’t have to choose between being a great parent and a faithful pastor. But you do have to be intentional.
If you’re wrestling with how to live that balance, you’re not alone. I’d love to help you process, plan, and protect your priorities. Visit the Fresh Calling Coaching Page for personalized coaching that helps you lead from a place of peace—and parent from a place of joy.
Your ministry is important. But your legacy starts at home. And remember, it’s not about equal time (50/50) it about harmony.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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