Five Ways to Honor Your Wife (Spouse) and Practice Effective Ministry at the Same Time
Let’s be honest—ministry is hard. It’s beautiful, rewarding, and full of purpose, but it can also be a grind. And if we’re not careful, the very thing we’re called to can start pulling us away from the person we promised to love and cherish for life. I’ve lived in that tension—trying to balance leading students, attending every event, answering every text, and still trying to be a present, loving husband.
It’s easy to think we have to choose between honoring our wife and being effective in ministry. But I’m learning that the two actually go hand in hand. In fact, I believe the health of our marriage fuels the health of our ministry. So here are five ways I’m trying to live that out—and maybe they’ll help you too:
1. Don’t give her your leftovers.
I used to give the best of my time and energy to students and volunteers, and then come home completely drained. That’s not honoring. Now, I plan my week so that she gets prime time—whether that’s a date night, slow breakfast together, or just sitting on the couch without a phone in my hand. When she feels seen and valued, ministry actually feels lighter.
2. Let her into your world.
Ministry can get messy—spiritual battles, heavy conversations, leadership stress. Instead of bottling that up, I invite her into it. She’s not just my wife; she’s my teammate. When I let her pray with me, speak into tough decisions, or celebrate a ministry win, she feels like she’s in it with me. And she is.
3. Say “no” more often.
Saying yes to every ministry opportunity means saying no to your marriage more than you realize. I’ve had to learn the hard way that healthy boundaries honor both God and my wife. Missing a student event to attend her thing isn’t failure—it’s faithfulness.
4. Pray together, often.
This one sounds simple, but it’s powerful. When we pray together, bitterness softens, walls fall, and we remember we’re not enemies—we’re on the same team. Even if it’s just for a few minutes before bed, praying with her realigns my heart in a big way.
5. Brag on her in public.
Honor her in front of students. Talk about how much you love her to your leaders. Post something about her on your socials that isn’t just for a birthday or anniversary. Speak life over her in front of others—it builds her up and sets a tone for the kind of marriage your students will see and aspire to.
If you’re in a season where ministry is thriving but your marriage is hurting—or where bitterness has crept in—I get it. But I promise you this: honoring your wife isn’t a threat to your calling. It’s the very thing that gives your ministry long-term credibility and fruit.
You’re not just called to lead well—you’re called to love well. Start there.
If you could use some encouragement, accountability, or just someone to help you reset, I’d love to walk alongside you. Visit freshcalling.org to book a coaching session—we’re here to help you thrive in both ministry and marriage.
Recommended Resources:
- You and Me Forever by Francis & Lisa Chan
- Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
- The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler
- Cherish by Gary Thomas
- Replenish by Lance Witt (for soul care in leadership)
Let’s be the kind of leaders whose homes preach the gospel just as loudly as our messages.
Time keeps slipping away…
Three tips that have helped give me perspective on how to manage my time wisely.
“Does your week manage you, or do you manage your week?”
That’s a question I’ve had to ask myself a lot over the years. If you’re a youth pastor, you already know—the work never stops. There’s always another Sunday to plan for, another Wednesday night message to prep, a fellowship event around the corner, or some last-minute crisis that drops into your lap like a bowling ball. We pour ourselves into creating meaningful moments for our students, but somewhere along the way, it starts to feel like our time is no longer ours.
I’ve lived in that crazy, non-stop loop—where every minute feels packed, and every week feels like it’s managing me, not the other way around. But I’ve learned (and am still learning) how to manage my time with intentionality, purpose, and a whole lot of grace. So if you’re finding yourself out of breath and barely hanging on, I hope these few tips help you like they’ve helped me.
1. Plan it, but hold it loosely.
Every Monday morning, I sit down and map out my week. I block off time for sermon prep, student meetings, leadership development, and family. I try to give each part of my week the attention it deserves and enter the week with a sense of direction.
But then…the phone rings. A student is in crisis. A parent needs to talk. A volunteer can’t make it. You know the drill.
Early on, this used to throw me into panic mode. I’d get frustrated because my “perfect plan” was interrupted. But now, I’ve learned to plan intentionally but hold the plan with open hands. Ministry is fluid. Flexibility is part of the calling. Just because your day doesn’t go exactly how you scheduled it doesn’t mean it wasn’t productive or purposeful. God’s interruptions are often the most meaningful moments in our week.
2. Take a breath.
No, really—breathe.
Once a week, I try to find a quiet corner of my world (usually before the office opens or after my house quiets down), and I ask a simple question in prayer: “God, how do You want to use my time this week?”
It’s amazing how that re-centers me. Instead of rushing into my to-do list, I’m reminded that my schedule is a spiritual tool, not just a productivity checklist. When we take time to think and pray through our time, we become more available—not just physically, but spiritually—to the people God places in our path.
3. Zoom out: Avoid momentary thinking.
It’s so easy to live just in the “next thing”—the next event, next game night, next teaching series. But if we live in constant momentary thinking, we never develop long-term strategy. We just survive.
Managing time well means asking not just, “What’s next?” but “What matters?”
What are you doing this month that helps your students grow in Christ long-term? What are you building in your leaders that will last? What are you investing in personally that keeps you fresh?
Zooming out reminds us that we’re not just running programs—we’re planting seeds that will grow over time. And seeds need margin, thought, and time to be cultivated well.
Fresh for the long haul.
I’m convinced of this: If we can learn the spiritual discipline of managing our time well, we’ll stay fresh in ministry for the long haul.
Burnout often doesn’t come from just “too much work.” It comes from constantly reacting to life instead of leading with purpose. Time is one of the greatest gifts God gives us, and how we steward it says a lot about who (and what) we trust.
So let’s flip the script.
Let’s stop letting our weeks manage us. Let’s put Jesus back in the center of our schedules. Let’s lead our time instead of chasing it. Ministry will still be messy, and interruptions will still come—but with a little bit of margin, some honest prayer, and a whole lot of grace, we can thrive in the middle of it all.
You’ve got this, friend. And more importantly—God’s got you.
Take a Moment to Reflect:
- When was the last time I invited God into my calendar?
- What parts of my week tend to overwhelm me the most?
- What are three things I say “yes” to that I might need to prayerfully reconsider?
- Where am I leaving room for margin—and where am I not?
- Am I building for the long haul or just surviving the week?
- What one small change could I make this week to steward my time better?
I’d love to hear from you—how do you manage your time in the chaos of student ministry? Drop a comment below and share what’s worked for you (or what you’re still wrestling with). And if you’re feeling stuck or just need someone to process your schedule and rhythms with, I’d love to help. You can schedule a free 1-on-1 coaching session with me where we’ll talk through practical ways to stay healthy, lead intentionally, and make space for what matters most. You don’t have to do this alone.
Let’s keep leading well—together.
Learning to lead at home and at church!
I took some time this morning rewriting a previous blog I wrote last fall. “Ministry and Family. Is there such a thing as balance.” I’ve updated it and added some more insights I believe can help the struggling youth pastor navigate the family and ministry. (Pretty sure this is going to be an ongoing conversation.)
I mean I was rockin’ and rollin’ in student ministry during my younger years! I was young, newly married, and living the “dual income, no kids” lifestyle! Students were engaged, ministry was growing, and I thought to myself… “Man, I’ve got this!”
You’ve heard the phrase “pride goes before the fall.” Well, I heard it in the dead of night—from my wife.
Sometime later, things in ministry were cruising. My wife had just given birth to our firstborn, and when we came home from the hospital, I just kept on rockin’ and rollin’. The ministry needed my enthusiasm and energy. It needed the best of me—all the time.
This went on for a month or two, until one night after a long day of ministry, I came home late. Shelley was already in bed with the lights out. I got ready for bed, crawled in, and in the dead of night I heard a simple cry: “I miss you.”
My heart sank. The Lord used that simple three-word phrase to strike a heavy blow to my pride. She was right. In my youthfulness and pride, I made ministry more important than my family.
Ministry—especially youth ministry—has a way of doing that. The rockstar mentality. The “everything revolves around me” trap. The “everything will fall apart if I’m not in it” voice that whispers to our soul. We may never say those things out loud for fear of sounding prideful, but we certainly live them more often than we want to admit.
But our families need us too. Especially when our kids are little. And here’s the tricky part: if we’re not careful, we can swing the pendulum too far in the other direction—ignoring the ministry God has called us to out of guilt or frustration.
So where’s the middle ground?
Here’s my theory: We put so much pressure on performance and not enough on relationship.
Performance says, “You’re not doing enough. Try harder. Please people.”
Relationship says, “Let’s just sit and enjoy this moment together.”
Performance is fuel for perfection and managing expectations.
Relationship is thoughtful and intentional.
Performance is toxic and never-ending.
Relationship is eternal and life-giving.
(You see what I’m getting at.)
Ministry is relationships. Not performance.
Family is rooted in relationship. Not performance.
When we have the right perspective, it brings clarity to our time and our energy. Yes, our family may need to learn to “let go of daddy” for a short time. And yes, the ministry may need to learn to let go of “youth pastor Steve” on some nights too. But there is a harmony to discover. A rhythm where we love our family well and lead our students well.
And I’ll say it again—this is not a 50/50 equation. Harmony isn’t always equal parts. It’s more like a song. Some notes hold longer than others, but they work together to create something beautiful.
Let’s Talk About the “You Should Be There” Trap
There’s another false narrative that creeps into our minds as youth pastors—it’s the one no one says out loud, but we hear it loud and clear: “You should be there.”
A student has a big game. A school concert. A play. A graduation party. A baptism at Grandma’s church. And in our deep sense of pastoral duty—and maybe our pride—we convince ourselves we have to show up to every single one. That’s what good youth pastors do, right?
But here’s the truth: nobody told you that you have to be at everything. Those expectations? They’re usually perceived, not prescribed. And when you have a spouse and little ones at home, those extra hours out start to pull on the very people God’s entrusted you to lead first.
Let me be clear—go to some events! Be present where you can. Cheer your students on. Let them know you see them. But you don’t have to be everywhere. Your ministry isn’t going to crumble if you miss a soccer game. And your student isn’t going to walk away from the faith because you didn’t make it to their school play.
What they will notice is whether or not you’re whole. Whether you’re emotionally present. Whether your home life is thriving.
So go to some events. But not all. Prioritize presence over pressure.
The Marriage Tension We Don’t Talk About Enough
This tension between ministry and home doesn’t just affect your schedule—it impacts your marriage. If you’re married, the balance between church and home isn’t something you can figure out on your own and hope your spouse just goes along with it. It requires honest conversations, consistent check-ins, and humble leadership.
Youth pastor, you need to be the one who initiates those conversations. Don’t wait until your spouse is in tears or fed up. Ask the questions. Seek understanding. Talk about what your schedule looks like. Make space for your spouse to speak freely about how it feels when you’re gone four nights in a row. And then—listen. Really listen.
Communication is key. But so is effort. Your spouse doesn’t just need a conversation—they need your help at home. They need your presence, your partnership, and your willingness to step in with the kids, the meals, the bedtime routines, the dishes, all of it. Ministry starts at home. Don’t sacrifice your marriage on the altar of your calling. God never asked you to do that.
Rhythms That Help
I’ve had to learn—and still am learning—some rhythms that help keep this harmony in check. Here are a few practical things that have made a difference for me:
- Put family nights on your calendar first. If it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen.
- Share the load with volunteers. You don’t have to be the hero. Let others step up.
- Invite your family into ministry moments—and honor the times they need to stay out of them.
- Learn to say no without feeling guilty.
- Let go of the false belief that everything depends on you. It doesn’t. And that’s actually good news.
Ministry isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about surrender. It’s about trusting God with your family and your flock, and remembering that you’re not their Savior—He is.
So youth pastor, keep going. Keep growing. Keep pursuing harmony over hustle. Because when your heart is healthy, your home and your ministry will follow.
Genuinely, I’m here to help. I’d love to partner with you to find harmony is navigating your home life and your calling. Shoot me an email or set up a 1on1 coaching session. Comment below what you think are more helpful tips in navigating the harmony of home and ministry.
Developing your “Why”
Every youth pastor and ministry leader needs a clear philosophy of ministry—a guiding framework that keeps their purpose, passions, and practices aligned with God’s calling. Without one, it’s easy to drift from one event to the next, missing the bigger picture of why we do what we do. Developing a philosophy of ministry requires intentional reflection on Biblical priorities, personal passions, church alignment, and measurable goals. Here’s how to craft yours. (I’ve also included a downloadable worksheet in this blog post.)
Consider the Basics: Biblical Priorities
Ministry isn’t built on personal preference or trendy programming; it’s grounded in timeless Biblical truths. The five foundational aspects of church ministry found in Acts 2 should shape every decision and direction:
- Worship – Are you leading students to encounter and respond to God with their lives?
- Discipleship – Are students growing deeper in their faith, learning to walk as Jesus did?
- Fellowship – Is your ministry fostering a biblical community where students belong and grow together?
- Missions – Are you mobilizing students to serve others and take the gospel beyond their comfort zones?
- Evangelism – Are lost students hearing the gospel and being invited to follow Jesus? Are your students equipped to share the gospel personally?
A solid philosophy of ministry ensures that every program, event, and small group points students toward these biblical priorities.
Consider Your Passions: What Lights Your Fire?
God has wired you uniquely for ministry. Your burdens, joys, and deepest convictions shape how you lead. Maybe you’re passionate about discipleship and long to see students own their faith. Perhaps evangelism fuels you, and you want your ministry to be an outreach movement.
Identifying your passion helps refine your ministry approach. While we’re all called to the full breadth of ministry, our specific burdens can help us focus energy on areas where we’ll be most effective. Ask yourself:
- What aspect of ministry makes me feel most alive?
- When have I seen the greatest impact in students’ lives?
- What keeps me up at night when I think about this generation?
Let these passions guide your philosophy of ministry and shape your leadership.
Consider Your Church’s Vision and Content
Ministry isn’t done in isolation. Your student ministry should operate under the greater vision and mission of your church. Does your church have a vision frame or overarching theme? Are there specific values or strategies they emphasize?
Stepping under the church’s philosophy ensures unity and alignment. It also provides clarity and direction as you shape your ministry’s culture. Rather than working independently, strong ministry leaders take the church’s vision and contextualize it for their specific audience.
If your church values community engagement, how does that shape your youth ministry? If discipleship is a core emphasis, how do you structure small groups and mentorship? A clear philosophy of ministry works in harmony with the church’s overall mission.
Consider Your Goals and Objectives
A strong philosophy of ministry doesn’t just focus on the present—it looks ahead. Where do you want your students to be in one year? Five years? When they graduate? Consider these dimensions:
- Spiritually – What do you want students to know, believe, and live out?
- Emotionally – How will your ministry address mental health, identity, and resilience?
- Physically – What environments and experiences will help shape students holistically?
Set clear objectives that align with your ministry philosophy. For example, if your passion is discipleship, your goal might be to have every student connected to a mentor by the end of the year. If evangelism is your heartbeat, you might aim for every student to share their faith with at least one friend. Tangible goals keep your philosophy actionable.
Crafting Your Statement
After reflecting on these aspects, it’s time to summarize your philosophy of ministry in a clear, concise statement. This statement should capture your heart for ministry and serve as a guiding compass. For example:
- “To glorify God with my life and ministry, and lead others to do the same.”
- “To disciple students in such a way that they grow in faith, live on mission, and make an impact for Christ.”
- “To create a student ministry where every teenager is known, loved, and challenged to follow Jesus.”
Your philosophy of ministry isn’t just a statement on paper; it’s a framework that influences every aspect of your leadership. As you develop and refine yours, let it shape the way you lead, plan, and invest in the students God has entrusted to you. When your ministry has a clear “why,” everything else falls into place.
FREE RESOURCE: Developing Your Personal Ministry Philosophy Worksheet.
Click to download a worksheet to help you craft your personal ministry statement.
I’d encourage you to start by writing in your journal the answers to some of these questions. Allow the exercise to help shape your “why.” If you need some help talking through it, I’d love to help. Shoot me an email at steve@freshcalling.org or leave a comment.
The Prideful Youth Pastor
Insights and encouragements from a youth pastor who has fought pride for over 30 years. (This one is tough to write about.)
SORRY NO VIDEO ATTACHED TO THIS WEEKS BLOG.
Pride. It’s something we all struggle with, but as youth pastors, it can be an especially sneaky trap. We spend our days investing in students, showing up to their games and performances, preaching messages that impact their hearts, and receiving their admiration in return. It’s easy to start believing the hype—that we’re indispensable, that we’re the reason their faith is growing, that we’re doing a pretty incredible job.
I know this struggle all too well. I remember when I was honored with the Tarrant County Young Leader Award, nominated by a sweet lady from our church. It felt good—really good. But beneath that excitement, pride started creeping in. I started feeling like I had “made it” as a leader. I enjoyed the recognition a little too much. Before I knew it, I was living for the praise rather than for the One who called me to serve in the first place.
If you’re a youth pastor wrestling with pride, you’re not alone. But there is hope! Here are three key reminders to keep your heart in check.
1. Stay Away from Self-Glorification
In ministry, it’s easy to take credit for the growth we see in students. When a young person makes a decision for Christ after a powerful message, we can start believing it was our words that made the difference. When students flood into the youth room, we can feel like it’s our leadership drawing them in. But Scripture reminds us:
“So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” —1 Corinthians 3:7
At the end of the day, we’re just vessels. God does the work. Our job is obedience, not applause. When pride whispers that we deserve recognition, we must redirect that praise to Jesus—the true source of life change.
2. Seek Humility in Service
Jesus gave us the ultimate example of humility. He didn’t come to earth for recognition, though He deserved it. Instead, He took the form of a servant, washing feet and ministering to the least of these (Philippians 2:5-8).
Humility for us as youth pastors might mean:
- Choosing the backseat instead of always being on stage.
- Letting others take the lead in planning and executing ideas.
- Serving without needing acknowledgment.
One of the best ways to combat pride is to intentionally lower ourselves—finding joy in unseen, uncelebrated acts of service.
3. Give Credit Where Credit Is Due—Publicly and Privately
A prideful heart wants all the recognition. A humble leader freely gives credit away. Whether it’s your volunteer team, student leaders, or fellow staff members, take every opportunity to highlight the work of others.
- Publicly: When someone compliments your ministry, point back to the team effort. Acknowledge the behind-the-scenes heroes.
- Privately: Send notes of encouragement, express gratitude, and remind those around you of their impact. In your quiet time with the Lord, express gratitude for all the Lord is doing in and through you.
One practical habit: Every time you’re tempted to soak up praise, immediately redirect it toward God or someone else who contributed. This not only guards your heart but also fosters a culture of humility within your ministry.
Final Thoughts
The battle against pride is ongoing, but victory is possible when we keep our focus on Jesus. Ministry isn’t about how great we are—it’s about how great He is. Let’s be leaders who serve with humility, give credit freely, and remember that the only recognition that truly matters comes from our Heavenly Father:
“Well done, good and faithful servant.” —Matthew 25:23
Keep serving. Keep loving. Keep pointing to Jesus. And when pride creeps in, surrender it back to the One who called you in the first place.
How do you handle pride in your heart? Comment below.
If you’ve read all the way to the end, you’re invested. I would love your support in sharing this post (and others) with those in ministry. Help me spread the word about Fresh Calling. Thank you.
Need someone to help navigate prideful moments in ministry? Schedule a 1 on 1 coaching session, and let’s chat. I promise to listen, encourage, dust you off and kick you back in!
A Youth Pastor that sees…
Three simple perspectives to help reinvigorate your passion for leading.
A youth pastor should never have their head down. Eyes up. Always looking—looking for God’s next move, looking for the needs of their people, looking for the bigger picture of where the ministry is headed. If you’re leading with your head down, you might miss it.
Ministry isn’t about just getting through another Wednesday night, planning another game, or giving another lesson. It’s about seeing—seeing where God is moving, seeing the hearts of your students, and seeing the bigger vision He has for your ministry.
Let’s talk about three things every youth pastor should be looking for.
1. Seeing the Direction of Your Ministry and Leading People to It
A youth ministry without vision is like a road trip without a map. Sure, you might still have fun, but you won’t know where you’re going—or how to get there.
Where is God leading your ministry? Are you just maintaining or actually moving forward? A youth pastor with vision is always thinking ahead, preparing for growth, and leading students toward a deeper faith. That might mean developing a discipleship plan, raising up student leaders, or creating a culture of worship and prayer.
If you don’t know where you’re headed, your students won’t either. Lift your eyes and ask God, What’s next?
2. Seeing the Needs of Your People and Speaking to Them
If all you see is the calendar and the to-do list, you’re missing what’s right in front of you—your students’ struggles, questions, and spiritual hunger.
A youth pastor who truly “sees” is paying attention. You notice the student who’s withdrawing, the one who always cracks jokes to cover their pain, the one who’s wrestling with faith but doesn’t know how to ask. And when you see these things, you respond. You don’t just preach generic sermons—you speak to real struggles, real doubts, and real hopes.
Jesus was a master at this. He saw the needs of people and met them exactly where they were. That’s the kind of leader your students need.
3. Seeing the Hand of God and Celebrating It
It’s easy to get caught up in what’s not happening. Maybe attendance is down, volunteers are scarce, or the energy isn’t what it used to be. But are you seeing what God is doing?
That one student who is growing in faith? That leader who stepped up unexpectedly? The breakthrough moment in worship last week? God is moving. Always. And as a leader, you set the tone. If you celebrate what God is doing, your students will start looking for Him too.
Take time to acknowledge and thank God for what you do see. Gratitude shifts the atmosphere.
The Best Part? God Sees Too.
Here’s what’s cool—you’re not the only one watching.
God sees you. He sees your struggles, your sacrifices, and your prayers that no one else knows about. He sees your students, their brokenness, their growth, and their potential. And He’s guiding you through it all.
When you look to Him, He will reveal what you need to see. So, eyes up, pastor. Keep looking, keep leading, and keep trusting the One who sees it all.
I’d love to celebrate what you see… shoot me an email or comment below!
The Mind of a Youth Pastor
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” – Matthew 22:37
Being a youth pastor is more than just games, pizza nights, and the occasional deep talk over coffee. It’s a calling that demands our whole selves—heart, soul, and yes, mind. If we want to truly shepherd the next generation, we can’t afford to let our minds go dull.
The reality is, youth culture is always shifting. What worked last year might not work now. The questions teens are asking today may not be the ones we wrestled with at their age. If we’re not intentional about growing in wisdom and sharpening our minds, we risk becoming stagnant in a role that demands fresh insight, creativity, and deep biblical understanding.
I’d like to dedicate this blog post to asking the question, how do we stay sharp? What are some ways to cultivate a “learning culture” in your personal life and the ministry God has called you to?
Stay Curious, Stay Sharp
A sharp mind starts with a posture of learning. Jesus calls us to love God with all our minds, which means thinking deeply, asking good questions, and constantly seeking wisdom—both from His Word and from the world He’s placed us in.
So, how do we stay sharp? Here are a few ways that help me:
1. Read Like a Lifelong Student
I have a friend who reads 25-30 books a year! That’s insane. I barely get through 5-8 books a year. But, he is one of the wisest people I know, and I value what he says because it comes from a place of deep insight.
Whether it’s Scripture, theology, leadership books, or cultural insights, reading fuels a sharp mind. I try to always have a book in my bag that challenges me to think deeper about ministry, discipleship, and the teenage brain. Need a place to start? Try classics like Sticky Faith by Kara Powell or Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders. One I just finished was, “Raising Spiritual Champions” by George Barna. There are plenty of books to choose from, if you need help I can give you some of my favorites. You’ve got to start somewhere.
2. Learn from Other Leaders
I don’t have all the answers (shocking, I know). That’s why I make it a point to learn from those ahead of me—mentors, seasoned pastors, even youth leaders in different contexts. Podcasts, conferences, and good old-fashioned coffee chats with other ministry leaders have been some of my best learning moments. My good friend, Jeff Wallace once said, “If you are the smartest person in the room, you might be in the wrong room.”
3. Ask Hard Questions (and Be Okay Without Easy Answers)
The best youth pastors I know aren’t the ones with quick, polished responses. They’re the ones who embrace tough questions, wrestle with Scripture, and create safe spaces for students to process their faith. A sharp mind doesn’t mean having all the answers—it means being willing to engage in the deep, sometimes messy work of discipleship. We host an apologetics class once a month. It’s a great way to welcome some of our students hard questions and the opportunity to form a Biblical Worldview. Truth is, if I am pursuing a “learning culture” in my life it will be reflected in my ministry.
Keep Growing, Keep Shepherding
Loving God with our minds is a lifelong pursuit. As youth pastors, we’re not just called to teach—we’re called to learn, to think critically, and to grow in wisdom so that we can lead well. Let’s not limit our level of learning to seminary or undergrad classes.
So, let’s be students of the Word. Let’s be students of culture. Let’s never stop learning how to better shepherd the incredible students God has entrusted to us. Because a sharp mind, fueled by a soft heart, can change the world—one student at a time.
I’d love to know what book you’re reading? How do you sharpening your mind? Give me some advice on how you stay sharp. Comment below.
The Soul of a Youth Pastor
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” – Matthew 22:37
This is part two of our series based on Matthew 22:37. Let’s talk about our soul. Much of this post is common sense for us, but it needs to be said. We need to be reminded of the value of soul care.
In my last post, The Heart of a Youth Pastor, we talked about the deep calling to love God first and lead students well. But what happens when our own souls feel dry? How do we tend our soul while tending the souls of others?
The answer isn’t in doing more—it’s in drawing closer to Jesus, the Good Shepherd.
Letting the Shepherd Lead Us
We spend so much time leading that we forget we’re still sheep. Jesus said, “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” (John 10:11). Before we are pastors, we are His. Before we feed others, we must be fed.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself: Am I letting Jesus tend my soul, or am I running on empty, trying to handle it all myself?
Resting in His Care
Shepherds don’t just guide—they protect and restore. David reminds us in Psalm 23: “He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul.”
If Jesus is leading us, why do we resist rest? Why do we believe the lie that the ministry will fall apart if we take a breath? Soul-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival. A shepherd never expects his sheep to run ahead; he calls them to walk with him.
A Challenge for You
Let’s be honest—when was the last time you sat with Jesus, not to plan or prepare, but just to be with Him?
- Are you spending more time leading others to the Good Shepherd than following Him yourself?
- Do you find your soul thriving, or just surviving?
- What would change if you prioritized your own time with Jesus as much as you prioritize your ministry?
I challenge you—this week, set aside time to be with Jesus. No sermon prep. No leadership books. No distractions. Just you and Him. Silence and solitude. Let the Good Shepherd care for your soul.
Because a well-tended soul is a soul that leads well.
How’s your soul today? If you need some advice or beginning to feel run down and depleted. Connect with me and I’d love to help shepherd you. Shoot me an email at steve@freshcalling.org and we’ll connect.
The Heart of a Youth Pastor
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”
– Matthew 22:37
As youth pastors, we carry the profound privilege and responsibility of pointing teenagers to the love of Jesus. We craft messages, organize events, counsel students, and plan trips, but beneath the surface of it all lies the foundation of our ministry: the state of our hearts before God. In Matthew 22:37, Jesus reminds us of the greatest commandment—to love the Lord with all we are. For youth pastors, this truth isn’t just something we teach; it’s something we live.
Passion Over Programs
We live in a culture that values productivity. In ministry, it’s tempting to equate our effectiveness with packed calendars, dynamic worship sets, or viral social media posts. Don’t get me wrong, we DO need to work with our hands and not neglect our students. But as Jesus told Martha in Luke 10:41-42, only one thing is truly necessary—time at His feet.
Martha was busy serving, but her sister Mary chose to sit and listen to Jesus. Martha’s frustration boiled over, but Jesus lovingly reminded her that Mary had chosen the better path. The lesson for us is clear: before we serve students, we must prioritize sitting in God’s presence. Our passion for our own relationship with Him must come before our passion for ministry. Programs can reach students, but our hearts—overflowing with the love of Christ—transform them.
When Busyness Becomes a Mask
For many youth pastors, it’s easy to mask a lack of spiritual devotion with spiritual busyness. We justify our personal time with God by pointing to the work of our hands—our performance. But that’s just not healthy.
The work of our hands was never meant to sustain us—only the work of His Spirit can do that. Without intentional time in God’s presence, ministry becomes hollow, driven by human effort instead of divine power. It’s dangerous to let busyness take the place of intimacy with God. We need to remember that God doesn’t call us to perform for Him but to abide in Him.
Even Jesus, in the midst of His busy ministry, would often withdraw to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:16). If the Son of God needed time alone with the Father, how much more do we? This rhythm of rest and connection with God must be our priority. Students don’t need a youth pastor who is burning out from performance; they need one whose heart is ablaze with love for Jesus.
Check out “The Busy Youth Pastor” blog for more
Love the Lord First
Deuteronomy 6:5 mirrors Matthew 22:37, calling us to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and strength. This command is foundational because everything flows from it. We cannot give students what we don’t first possess ourselves.
Are we modeling a passionate pursuit of God in our own lives? Do we hunger for His Word, pour out our hearts in prayer, and worship with abandon? Students are watching. They’re longing for authenticity in a world that often feels fake. They don’t need a perfect youth pastor; they need one who is madly in love with Jesus.
Proverbs 4:23 urges us to guard our hearts, for everything we do flows from them. A heart captivated by Christ produces a ministry marked by His presence.
Leading from the Overflow
John 15:5 reminds us that apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. It’s a humbling truth. The strength to disciple students, endure ministry challenges, and plant seeds of faith doesn’t come from us—it comes from abiding in Him.
Think of a cup being filled with water. As youth pastors, we must let God continually fill us so that we can overflow into the lives of our students. But if we’re empty, we’ll find ourselves scraping the bottom of the cup, trying to pour out what we don’t have.
That’s why prioritizing time with God isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Daily moments in Scripture, prayer, and worship refuel our hearts for the work He’s called us to. When we lead from the overflow of our relationship with Jesus, we’ll find ourselves less reliant on our own strength and more empowered by His Spirit.
A Call to Authenticity
The heart of a youth pastor isn’t about having the coolest sermons or the biggest events; it’s about authenticity. Students don’t need more entertainers or event coordinators—they need shepherds who reflect the heart of Christ. Shepherds who love sacrificially, listen intently, and lead humbly.
Ephesians 5:1-2 challenges us to “be imitators of God…and walk in love, as Christ loved us.” When we love God with all our hearts, we naturally walk in love toward our students. They’ll see a faith that’s not just talked about but lived out, and it will inspire them to seek the same.
Encouragement for the Journey
Youth pastor, you are loved by God—not for what you do but for who you are. He sees your long nights, your tears, and your triumphs. He’s not asking you to be perfect; He’s asking you to love Him wholeheartedly.
Let Matthew 22:37 be your anchor. Love God first, and watch as He shapes your heart for ministry. When your relationship with Him is your priority, your passion for students will flow naturally. And in those moments when you feel weary, remember His promise: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
The heart of a youth pastor isn’t defined by what we do but by who we love. Love Him first, and He will take care of the rest.
How’s your heart? Feeling discouraged spiritually? I’d love to pray with you and encourage you in your journey with the Lord. Schedule a 1 on 1 coaching session and let’s believe together.
The Busy Youth Pastor
There’s never a shortage of things to do in youth ministry. Between planning events, attending games, discipling students, organizing outreach opportunities, and making sure there are enough snacks for small group night, it’s easy to feel like you’re running at full speed with no finish line in sight. Every youth pastor has felt the tension: Am I doing enough?
Here’s the truth, ministry never stops, but that doesn’t mean you have to run yourself into the ground. The pressure you feel to be everywhere, say yes to everything, and meet every need often comes from a place of false expectations. And if no one has told you this lately, let me remind you: You are not called to do it all.
Are You Really That Busy?
How many times has a friend asked, “How’s it going? and your automatic response was, Busy! It’s like a badge of honor we wear, proof that we’re working hard and giving it our all. But are we really that busy, or do we hide behind busy to justify our worth?
Being busy doesn’t equal being effective. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the more we do, the more valuable we are in ministry. But your worth is not found in how packed your schedule is – it’s found in Christ. He didn’t call you to be busy; He called you to be faithful.
Stop Carrying More Than You Were Asked To
Jesus never asked you to be at every event or personally disciple every student. He asked you to be obedient. When you try to carry the full weight of ministry, you start operating out of exhaustion rather than calling. And that’s not sustainable.
You don’t have to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. In fact, learning to say no might be the healthiest decision for both you and your students. When you do less, you can focus on doing what truly matters, building meaningful relationships, teaching God’s Word, and equipping leaders who can disciple others.
Shift From Doing to Delegating
One of the biggest mistakes youth pastors make is believing they have to do everything themselves. But ministry was never meant to be a solo act. You have volunteers, leaders, and even students who are capable and willing to help if you let them. By empowering others, you not only lighten your own load but also create space for others to grow in their faith and leadership.
Take a Breath, You’re Doing Better Than You Think
At the end of the day, you don’t have to prove yourself by how much you do. Your identity is not in the number of events you plan but in Christ, who called you into this ministry in the first place. So take a deep breath. Trust that God is working in your students lives even when you take a day off. And remember you don’t have to do it all to be faithful.
If this describes you, “Too Busy!” I’d love to share with you some of my thoughts on the 5 P’s of ministry calendaring. It might help calm the stress of busy. Schedule a 1 on 1 coaching session and let’s chat.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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