I mean I was rockin’ and rollin’ in student ministry during my younger years! I was young, newly married and living the “dual income no kids” lifestyle! Students were engaged, ministry was growing and I thought to myself…”Man I’ve got this!”

You’ve heard the phrase “pride goes before the fall.” Well I heard it in the dead of night from my wife. Sometime later, things in ministry were crusing. My wife had just given birth to our first born and when we came home from the hospital, I just kept on rockin’ and rollin’. The ministry needed my enthusiasm and energy. It needed the best of me all the time.

This went on for a month or two, when one night after a long day of ministry. I came home late and Shelley was already in bed with the lights out. I came in, got ready for bed and crawled in my side of the bed. In the dead of the night I hear a simple cry, “I miss you.” My heart sank. The Lord used a simple three word phrase to strike blows to my pride. She was right. In my youthfulness and pride I made ministry more important than my family.

Ministry, especially youth ministry, has a way of doing that. The rockstar mentality. The “everything revolves around me” trap and even the “everything will fall apart if I’m not in it” type of voices rule our hearts. Oh we may not say this things out loud for fear of being perceived as prideful, but we certainly live these phrases everyday.

Our family need us too. Especially when they are young. But there is a pitfall here too. We swing the pendulum to the extreme and ignore the ministry God has called us to. So where is the middle ground? Where I don’t neglect my family and continue to lead a thriving ministry. Here’s my theory: We put so much pressure on performance and not enough on relationship.

Peformance says, you’re not doing good enough so try harder to please. Relationship says, let’s just sit and enjoy the meaningful moments. Performance is fuel for perfection and keeping expectations. Relationship is thoughtful and intentional. Performance is toxic and never ending. Relationship is eternal and life-giving. (I think you know what I’m getting at here.)

Ministry is relationships. Not a performance. Family is rooted in relationship. Not performance. When we have the right perspective it gives great clarity to our time and effort. Yes, our family needs to learn to “let go of daddy” for a time, and the ministry needs to learn how to let of “youth pastor Steve.” There is a harmony we need to discover in loving our family and ministering to our students. And I will say, there is no 50/50 in this type of perspective.

Let’s chat about creating harmony and balance with family and ministry. Set up a 1on1 coaching session and let dig deeper in your situation and context. Praying for you today.