Finish Well. Start Fresh.
by Steve Spence
Let’s be honest—coming to the end of the calendar year feels great. There’s a real sense of accomplishment. We made it. Another year in the books. And yes, it deserves celebration. But if you’re in ministry, you know that feeling doesn’t last long. January comes fast, full of events, planning, and the pressure to hit the ground running. The celebration window is short.
So how do we honor the year we just lived and still walk into a new one without ministry fatigue?
For me, it starts with celebrating the right wins. Not the stats. Not the attendance spikes. Not the big nights that look great in photos but don’t always reflect real spiritual formation. I celebrate the stories.
I think of the student who fell in love with Jesus for the first time. The one who started reading their Bible on their own because the Spirit stirred something new in them. The one who let go of a destructive habit and took a step toward Christ. Those aren’t numbers—they’re eternal victories.
I think of the adult leader who stepped up in a way I didn’t expect. The one who took ownership of their small group, followed up with students, discipled faithfully, prayed consistently, and grew in their own walk. That’s the kind of win worth carrying into a new year.
And then there’s baptism—the clearest picture of life change we get as youth pastors. When I look back and remember each face, each story, each moment of bold obedience, I’m reminded that God is at work even when I’m tired or discouraged.
I’ve learned to journal these stories before the year closes. Writing them down opens my heart to gratitude and recalibrates my perspective. It’s too easy to focus on what didn’t happen, what fell short, or what still needs fixing. Gratitude reminds me that God has been faithful, and I’m just a participant in His work.
Another practice that’s helped me finish well is taking time to Sabbath. Not a day off filled with errands, but intentional rest. A couple of days away from the pace and pressure of ministry. Doing something that brings life back into my soul. Spending unhurried time with my family or my spouse. Making space to breathe again.
During these days, I slow down in my quiet time. I listen more. I journal what I sense the Holy Spirit is speaking into the next season—what’s true about God, what’s true about me, and what’s true about the ministry He’s entrusted to me. I always walk away more grounded than when I started.
Finishing the year strong isn’t about squeezing out one more task or sprinting toward January. It’s about reflection, gratitude, rest, and spiritual clarity. When I honor the year behind me, I’m healthier walking into the year in front of me.
If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of the year—or the pressure of what’s coming next—I’d love to walk with you. You can connect with me at freshcalling.org, and if you want to take a next step, your first coaching session is free. Ministry doesn’t have to feel isolating. Let’s step into the new year grounded, encouraged, and ready.
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Believe the Best!
by Steve Spence
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in student ministry, it’s this: the emotional and spiritual rollercoaster ride of teenagers can jade even the most seasoned youth pastor if we’re not careful. It’s not the big crises that get us—it’s the steady drip of drama, disappointment, and decisions that make us wonder, Are they even listening? And if we’re not intentional, bitterness can start to settle in like a fog.
But I’ve made a choice in ministry that has saved my heart more times than I can count: I choose to believe the best about my students.
For me, believing the best starts with showing up face-to-face. I value real conversation far more than what scrolls across my feed. I made a commitment a long time ago not to depend on social media for “the tea.” If something is truly important to a student—if it’s heavy, confusing, life-altering, or overwhelming—they’ll tell me when they’re ready. I don’t need their posts to shape my opinion of them or steal my compassion before I even walk into the room.
And honestly? I don’t want to start ministry conversations already annoyed at them because of something they posted at 1:17 AM on a Tuesday.
Instead, I try to use my words to speak life every time I’m with them. You and I both know how rarely students hear encouragement—real encouragement—from the adults in their world. So when I get the chance, I call out the good I see in them. I tell them who they are, not just what they did. I remind them of the identity God is forming in them, not just the struggle they’re stuck in right now. When I speak life, it changes the way I see them… and it often changes the way they see themselves.
Believing the best also means celebrating every win I can find. Big wins, small wins, “you-actually-turned-in-your-homework-on-time” wins—I’ll take them all. I want my students to know I’m paying attention to their progress, not just their problems. Somewhere along the line, I realized that when I cheer for the small things, students start trusting me with the big things.
I’ve also learned to ask curious questions—questions that dig a little deeper than the surface but still communicate care instead of interrogation. Questions like, “What’s been the hardest part of this for you?” or “What are you hoping will happen next?” or “How can I walk with you in this?” When we approach them with curiosity rather than judgment, they can tell. And it matters.
But ultimately, believing the best is really about believing what God wants to do in them through whatever season they’re walking in. Not ignoring their sin. Not pretending they aren’t making choices that worry us. Not putting our heads in the sand. But remembering that God isn’t finished with them… and He isn’t frustrated with the process.
Youth pastor, don’t let bitterness steal the joy of what God has called you to do. Don’t let disappointment dictate the way you shepherd. Believe the best—not because your students always get it right, but because God is always at work. And that is always worth believing in.
If you’re finding yourself wrestling with bitterness, frustration, or compassion fatigue in this season of ministry, you don’t have to walk through it alone. I’d love to help you process it, pray with you, and encourage you toward healthier rhythms. I’m offering a free first-time, one-on-one coaching session through Fresh Calling—no pressure, no agenda, just space for you to breathe and be heard. If you want to talk, let’s set something up.
It’s Not Meant to Be Scary!!
by Steve Spence
For some youth pastors, fear slips in quietly. It’s not the kind that jumps out and startles you — it’s the kind that lingers in your thoughts after a long night of ministry. You wonder if what you’re doing really matters, if the students are growing, or if you’re still the right person for this role.
Ministry can stir up those kinds of questions. It’s full of change, emotion, and expectations. But fear was never meant to be part of the job. God called you into this work, and that calling hasn’t faded. Philippians 1:6 reminds us, “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” That truth holds steady when your confidence doesn’t.
Most of the fear we carry comes from forgetting who’s responsible for the results. God didn’t ask us to prove ourselves — He asked us to stay faithful. When fear starts shaping how you think or lead, it helps to slow down and remember that your confidence doesn’t come from how the ministry looks. It comes from the God who called you to it.
If you’ve been feeling uncertain or anxious about where you stand, here are a few small but steady ways to find your footing again:
- Talk honestly with God about your fears. Don’t rush through it. Tell Him what feels heavy or unclear. Naming your fears before Him helps them lose their grip.
- Read something that reminds you why you love ministry. Whether it’s a passage of Scripture, a book, or an old journal entry, give yourself a reminder of what God has already done.
- Spend time with people who refresh your faith. Not everyone understands the weight of ministry. A trusted friend, mentor, or another pastor can help you see things more clearly.
- Step away from comparison. Measuring yourself against other ministries only fuels insecurity. Focus on the students and leaders God has placed in front of you.
- Find one moment of joy each week. A conversation with a student, a laugh with your volunteers, or an answered prayer — let those moments remind you that God is at work.
- Rest without guilt. Taking care of your soul isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a way of staying healthy for the long haul.
Fear may still come around from time to time, but it doesn’t have to shape how you lead. The same God who called you will finish what He started — in your students and in you.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to stay close to the One who does.
If you’ve been walking through a season of uncertainty and would like to process what God’s doing in your ministry, click here to set up a one-on-one coaching session. You don’t have to lead through fear alone.
Recapturing Your Joy
by Steve Spence
Somewhere between planning sermons, counseling students, organizing events, and keeping up with parents’ texts, many youth pastors quietly lose something essential—joy. You didn’t mean to. You still love Jesus, and you still care deeply for students, but ministry has slowly become more about managing than ministering. If that’s where you are today, you’re not alone. But the good news is—you can get your joy back.
Joy isn’t something we manufacture; it’s something we protect and refresh. Paul told the Philippians, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Philippians 4:4, CSB). That wasn’t just a suggestion—it was a lifeline. Ministry joy flows from the presence of Jesus, but it’s often rekindled through small, intentional choices that renew your heart and perspective.
Here are a few ways to recapture your joy in ministry this month:
Rekindle the Spark
- Recruit new leaders. Fresh faces bring new energy. Invite someone younger or different than you to join the team. Their excitement might just reignite yours.
- Change up your midweek format. Do something unexpected. Cancel your usual program and plan a night of games, worship, or student testimonies. Sometimes joy returns when you stop trying so hard to “get it right.”
- Delegate a responsibility. Give away a task that drains you and let a volunteer own it. Empowering others lightens your load and multiplies your impact.
Refocus Your Heart
- Spend your day off with your spouse or family. Ministry is not meant to steal your joy at home. Schedule something fun, unplug completely, and laugh a lot.
- Go on a prayer walk. Not for your next message—just to talk with Jesus. Ask Him to restore the “why” behind what you do.
- Read a Gospel slowly. Get back to the simplicity of Jesus’ presence and mission. Let His words renew your purpose.
Refresh Your Perspective
- Grab coffee with another youth pastor. Swap stories, share struggles, and pray for each other. Sometimes the most healing thing is realizing you’re not the only one who feels worn out.
- Attend a conference or retreat. Don’t just go for content—go for connection. Worship with others who understand the weight of what you carry. Let God speak to you before you speak to students again.
- Celebrate small wins. A student reading their Bible. A volunteer showing up early. A parent saying thanks. Write them down and thank God for the evidence of His work.
I do most of these pretty often. They are all life-giving, ministry-sustaining activities. Joy doesn’t always return overnight, but it grows when you give God room to restore it. Don’t settle for surviving ministry—step into enjoying it again. You were never meant to fake joy to serve Jesus; you were meant to find joy in serving Him.
One more thing: if you’re feeling dry, don’t go it alone. Click to set up a 1-on-1 coaching session through Fresh Calling—let’s talk about how to help you lead with joy again.
The Pit of Performance Based Student Ministry
by Steve Spence
I’ve fallen into the pit of performance-based youth ministry more times than I’d like to admit. You know the one—the deep hole where the health of your ministry feels tied to how well you preached, how many students showed up, or how loud the laughter was at the event you spent weeks planning. It’s that silent belief that if I perform well, the ministry will flourish. And if I don’t, everything falls apart.
It’s a dangerous pit—one that smells a lot like success but is filled with pride.
I can remember seasons where I gauged the effectiveness of our student ministry by the energy in the room. If students were engaged, laughing, and responding, I walked away feeling confident. But when the night felt flat, I’d drive home replaying every line of my talk, wondering where I’d lost them. My worth as a pastor was being measured by applause, not obedience. My joy was tethered to performance, not presence.
Here’s the truth I had to learn the hard way: when the spotlight is on me, it can’t be on Jesus.
Dr. Richard Ross, in his powerful book Student Ministry and the Supremacy of Christ, reminds us that when students aim their lives toward Jesus, He becomes the star of the show. That one statement wrecked me. I realized I’d subtly made ministry about what I could do for Jesus instead of who I was becoming in Jesus. I was performing for Him rather than pointing to Him.
Performance-based ministry starts small. It begins with a sincere desire to do things well—because excellence matters. But it slowly morphs into an obsession with outcomes. We start checking attendance instead of checking hearts. We start crafting moments that “wow” instead of cultivating moments that “worship.” And before long, we’re exhausted, because keeping the spotlight on ourselves takes endless energy.
The worst part? When we perform as the lead discipler, we unintentionally prop ourselves up as the only one capable of discipling students. That’s not ministry—that’s dependency. We teach students to look to us for spiritual growth instead of Jesus. And when we do that, we stunt the very discipleship we’re trying to foster.
The seed of this mentality is pride. It whispers, “If you don’t do it, it won’t get done right.” It tells us the ministry needs our voice, our charisma, our leadership to thrive. Pride hides itself under the mask of “excellence” but feeds on insecurity.
The reality is, performance-based ministry can look really successful from the outside. It can even draw crowds. But crowds aren’t the same as disciples. Jesus had both, but He never confused the two. The crowd was loud, but the disciples were loyal. The crowd wanted a show; the disciples wanted a Savior.
When we make ministry about our performance, we start to crave the crowd more than the presence of Christ.
The shift for me came when I stopped asking, “How did I do?” and started asking, “Did I point them to Jesus?” It’s a simple question that re-centers everything. Because at the end of the day, the goal of youth ministry isn’t to make people remember us—it’s to make them remember Him.
I’ve learned that freedom in ministry comes when you stop performing and start abiding. Jesus said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without me”(John 15:5, CSB). Abiding doesn’t require performance—it requires surrender.
So if you’re reading this and you feel that pressure to perform—take a deep breath. Step out of the spotlight. The ministry doesn’t rise and fall on your shoulders. It rests securely in the hands of Jesus.
You are not the main event. He is.
Maybe today is a good day to repent of pride and step back into humility. To remind yourself that your calling is not to perform but to point. To teach your students, volunteers, and parents not to follow you, but to follow Him.
When Jesus is the focus, freedom follows. The burden lifts. The joy returns. And the ministry begins to look less like a stage and more like a movement.
Don’t let pride build a pit you have to climb out of later. Step into the light—the kind that shines on Jesus alone.
That’s where the real fruit grows.
If this message hit home and you’re wrestling with what it means to lead from a place of authenticity and surrender, I’d love to walk alongside you. Click the link below to schedule a one-on-one coaching session through Fresh Calling. Together, we’ll rediscover the joy of ministry that points fully to Jesus—and lead from a place of freedom, not performance.
A Seasoned Response: How the Church–Family Partnership Has Shifted—and How We Can “Get It Right”
Last week a friend commented on the blog and asked me, “As a youth pastor of 30+ years, how have you seen the partnership between the church and families change over the years? And what does it look like to ‘get it right’ when you’re trying to encourage parents to emphasize the discipleship and spiritual growth of their own teenagers?”
It’s a good question!. Over the decades I’ve watched parents shift from seeing themselves as the primary disciplers of their kids to seeing the church as the main spiritual driver. They still bring their kids to services, camps, and events, but conversations about faith rarely happen at home. Many even carry a quiet sense of regret: “It’s too late for me. I’ve messed up too much to be a godly influence, but at least I can get my kids to church.” That mentality is understandable but heartbreaking, because God still wants to use parents—no matter their past—as the most significant spiritual voice in their teenagers’ lives. When that’s missing, the partnership between church and families stops feeling like a true partnership and starts feeling counterproductive.
Scripture paints a very different picture. Deuteronomy 6:5–7 (CSB) says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” God’s design has always been for parents to lead their children spiritually—not just to take them to church but to weave conversations about Him into daily life. The church was never meant to replace the home but to reinforce it.
So what does it look like to “get it right” as a youth pastor? After three decades of walking with students and families, here’s what I’ve learned:
- Be faithful to your calling. We are called to shepherd this generation, to lead them first to the feet of Jesus and then toward their families. Our role isn’t to replace parents but to walk alongside them and model what discipleship looks like.
- Clarify the partnership. Don’t assume parents understand your role or their own. Spell it out: “Here is my plan for partnering with you to help you disciple your kids.” Share resources, start conversations, and invite them into the process.
- Lead with grace and kindness. Many parents feel overwhelmed or guilty about not doing “enough.” Rather than shaming them, open doors. Encourage small, practical steps—like reading Scripture together once a week, or asking their student one spiritual question at dinner.
- Keep pointing everyone to Jesus. Parents, students, and youth workers all need the same thing: time at the feet of Christ. The healthier our own walk with Him, the better we’ll shepherd others.
When we as youth pastors stay faithful to this vision, we begin to see glimpses of what God intended—a church that supports families, families that disciple their kids, and students who grow up knowing Jesus is real not just at church but at home. That’s the partnership Scripture calls us to, and even in a culture of busy schedules and divided attention, it’s still possible when we stay patient, intentional, and prayerful.
A Word to Parents
If you’re a parent reading this, please know: you are not behind. You’re not “too late.” Your influence matters more than you realize. You don’t need a seminary degree to disciple your teenager—you just need a willing heart, a listening ear, and a desire to bring Jesus into the everyday moments. Ask a simple spiritual question at dinner. Pray together before school. Read a short passage of Scripture once a week. Small, faithful steps create a lifelong ripple effect. And as you take those steps, your church is here to walk with you, cheer for you, and pray alongside you.
What questions do you have that you would like a seasoned veteran to answer? Leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer it in the next blog post. Consider subscribing to the blog and sharing it with a friend.
A Seasoned Response: How has youth ministry changed over the past 30 years?
This blog post is real and raw. Nothing generated or fake… my honest thoughts about the state of student ministry and the role of the youth pastor. It’s the beginning of series of blog posts answering questions about student ministry from a seasoned youth pastor perspective.
I’m often asked: “How has student ministry changed over the 30 years you’ve been a part of it?” My seasoned response? A lot.
When I started out, ministry to teenagers was simpler in many ways. The biggest issues I encountered were breakups, friendship drama, or the occasional bad decision that made its way into the spotlight. Those things were important, of course, and I spent many late nights on the phone or at the local diner listening to students sort through life. But looking back, the weight that teenagers carried was lighter than what I see today.
Now, the issues pressing on students are heavier, and they come at them from all directions. I regularly sit with students battling anxiety or depression. Some are questioning their identity or trying to process a world that feels unstable. Others are drowning in loneliness while living in constant connection online. The struggles are more intense, the wounds are deeper, and the questions are harder. Fun and games are still part of ministry—and they should be—but if that’s all we offer, we are leaving students without real help for the real battles they face.
Another shift I’ve seen is in parents. Thirty years ago, most parents—whether or not they were deeply spiritual—were at least actively engaged in their children’s lives. They wanted to know who their kids were with, what they were doing, and how they were growing. These days, I find many parents are distracted, tired, or caught up in the same digital fog as their children. Smartphones and social media have stolen time, focus, and presence from the home. And yet, Scripture is clear: “Repeat [these words] to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:7, CSB). The role of teaching and modeling faith belongs first to parents, but when they disengage, the responsibility often shifts to the church in ways it was never meant to.
But perhaps the biggest change I’ve noticed is in the way churches themselves view student ministry. When I began, the expectation was that a youth pastor was, first and foremost, a shepherd. My job wasn’t just to preach or to plan; it was to know students personally, walk with them, and invest in their faith. Somewhere along the way, many churches began to prize charisma over consistency. They looked for gifted communicators who could draw a crowd, leaders who could create momentum, and personalities who could keep students entertained. Those aren’t bad qualities, but if they replace the heart of a shepherd, something essential is lost.
Jesus doesn’t describe the good shepherd as flashy. He says, “The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11, CSB). That is not a description of performance, but of presence. It’s about sacrifice, patience, and faithfulness. And Peter echoes this when he exhorts leaders: “Shepherd God’s flock among you… not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:2–3, CSB). Shepherding is relational. It’s not always noticed by the crowd, but it’s always noticed by the sheep.
I remember one student early in my ministry who constantly tested my patience. He skipped small group, acted up during teaching, and pushed boundaries every chance he got. Honestly, there were times I wanted to give up on him. But the more time I spent with him outside the church walls—at his games, grabbing a burger, or just talking after school—the more I realized that what he needed wasn’t another sermon. He needed someone to stay. Years later, he told me, “I don’t remember much of what you taught, but I remember you were there.” That is shepherding. And that is what’s in danger of being lost.
A lot has changed in student ministry over the past thirty years. The issues are bigger, the culture is louder, and the distractions are everywhere. But the calling hasn’t changed. Students still need shepherds who will walk with them through the valleys and point them to Jesus. They don’t need perfection; they need presence. They don’t need another program; they need people who love them enough to lay down their lives in service.
My seasoned response is this: student ministry looks different than it used to, but the call of the shepherd is as urgent as ever. My prayer is that God would raise up leaders who care more about faithfulness than flash, more about discipleship than numbers, and more about being with students than being noticed by the crowd. Because in the end, what will make the lasting difference is not how impressive we look but how faithfully we shepherd the flock entrusted to us.
Want to hear the answer to another question about student ministry from a seasoned youth pastor? Comment below and I’ll do my best to answer it in another blog post.
A Calling to Cultivate
Youth ministry is one of those ministries where there is a beginning and an end. They “grow through” your ministry. It feels temporary sometimes. These are the people we are called to shepherd. Yes, it’s full of fast paced calendars, catchy but yet inspiring messages, heavy conversations, and parent drama. But underneath all of it, there’s a deeper calling—not just to lead or to teach, but to cultivate.
To cultivate is to prepare, nurture, and protect what’s been planted. It’s slow work. Unseen work. Faithful work. You don’t always see immediate growth, but you trust that something is happening beneath the surface.
So what does it mean to cultivate a spiritual foundation in the lives of students?
It means creating environments where God’s Word is central. It means challenging surface-level faith and encouraging students to wrestle with truth. It means modeling what it looks like to walk with Jesus when life is full, stressful, confusing, or just ordinary.
It also means understanding this: our time with students is limited. At some point, they leave youth group. They graduate. They move out, get jobs, go to college, or step into adulthood in all its complexity. And that’s when the foundation we helped them build is tested.
We’re not responsible for the harvest. But we are called to prepare the soil.
How Do We Cultivate in a Way That Lasts?
Here are a few simple principles I’ve come to believe:
- Teach beyond the moment. It’s easy to preach to what they’re feeling today—but make sure you’re equipping them for what they’ll face tomorrow. Teach habits. Teach spiritual depth. Teach the whole counsel of God, not just the highlight reel.
- Focus on formation, not just attendance. It’s easy to be discouraged by small groups that feel half full or nights when the energy is low. But true formation often happens in quiet, consistent rhythms. Don’t just celebrate full rooms—celebrate faithful hearts.
- Let go of outcomes. This may be the hardest part. Sometimes you pour into a student for years and never see fruit. You wonder if it mattered. But ministry isn’t transactional—it’s transformational. And transformation rarely follows our timeline. We also need to beware of writing the story of transformation for our students, and simply allow the Lord to be the writer.
You May Not See It, But It Still Matters
If you’ve been in ministry long enough, you know the truth: not every student comes back to thank you. Many drift. Some walk away. And that can wear on your soul.
But we cultivate anyway.
Because God sees. God waters. God brings the growth—in His time, not ours.
So stay faithful. Keep planting. Keep showing up. Keep pointing students to Jesus.
Because cultivating may not be flashy, but it’s exactly what we’ve been called to do.
If you’re feeling the weight of this calling—or just wondering how to keep cultivating when the soil feels dry—I’d love to walk with you. I offer one-on-one coaching for youth pastors who need encouragement, clarity, or just someone to process ministry with. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Click here to sign up for a free coaching session and let’s take the next step together.
Helping Teenagers Navigate Conflict in the Church
Conflict in the church isn’t new. From Paul confronting Peter in Antioch (Galatians 2:11-14) to the disagreement between Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36-41), the New Testament is full of honest moments where even faithful followers of Jesus didn’t always see eye to eye. And while adults often wrestle with church conflict quietly or behind closed doors, teenagers experience it in real time—with open eyes, open hearts, and sometimes, open wounds.
As youth pastors and leaders, we must help teenagers not only understand conflict but learn to navigate it biblically and graciously. The way we guide them through tension in the church could determine whether they grow bitter or grow deeper in their faith.
1. Be a Calm and Christlike Presence in the Moment
When students bring you drama, tension, or gossip, your first job isn’t to fix it—it’s to listen. They don’t need your judgment or panic. They need your peace.
“A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”
— Proverbs 15:1 (CSB)
In the heat of the moment, the most powerful thing you can do is stay calm and remind them of who they are and whose they are. Ask questions that defuse, not escalate:
- “Help me understand what happened.”
- “What did you say or do in response?”
- “What would Jesus want for you in this?”
Sometimes, simply creating space for students to talk it through in a judgment-free zone brings clarity they couldn’t see in the fog of emotion.
2. Teach Them to Respond, Not React
Teenagers are wired to react emotionally. It’s our job to help them pause, pray, and process. James gives us a blueprint:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”
— James 1:19 (NLT)
Whether it’s a friendship fight, social media post, or misunderstanding with a leader, students often want immediate resolution or retaliation. But spiritual growth happens in the space between reaction and response. Encourage them to breathe, reflect, and even journal before taking a step. Spiritual maturity is formed in those delays.
3. Model Humility and Peacemaking
Teenagers are watching how we handle disagreements behind the scenes. Do we speak with grace or grumble with resentment? Do we fight for our preferences or for unity?
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
— Matthew 5:9 (CSB)
Paul pleaded with the church in Ephesus:
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
— Ephesians 4:3 (NIV)
Don’t just teach peace—be a peacemaker. Talk openly about how you resolve tension with leaders, handle criticism with grace, or pursue hard conversations with love. Your example is one of the most powerful tools for forming emotionally healthy, spiritually grounded students.
4. Encourage Forgiveness Over Grudges
Teenagers are loyal—and sometimes that loyalty turns into bitterness. When a conflict arises, they might take sides, hold grudges, or ghost someone entirely. That’s where the gospel reshapes their response.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
— Colossians 3:13 (NLT)
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse sin; it frees the forgiver. When helping a student deal with church conflict—especially if they’ve been genuinely hurt—remind them that Jesus isn’t asking them to pretend nothing happened. He’s asking them to trust Him with their pain and imitate His mercy.
5. Point Them to Christ, Not Just a Solution
Sometimes, you can’t “fix” the situation—and you’re not supposed to. Our job isn’t just to bring resolution, but transformation. Even when apologies don’t come or outcomes remain messy, conflict can be a sacred space where students meet Jesus.
“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
— Romans 12:18 (CSB)
Help them see that peace doesn’t always mean perfection—it means doing everything within their power to reflect Christ. Growth often happens after the conversation, after the tears, after the dust settles. Don’t rush it. Walk with them through it.
Final Thoughts
Teenagers won’t remember every sermon you preached. But they’ll remember how you helped them navigate the hardest stuff—especially when it involved people they trusted. Church hurt can wreck a young person’s faith… or it can drive them to a deeper relationship with the God who heals.
Let’s be youth pastors who create a culture where honesty, grace, and Christlike humility define our response to conflict. Because when we teach students how to handle hard things with the love of Jesus, we don’t just keep them connected to the church—we help them grow into it.
How do you handle conflict in the church? I’m guessing that as we are talking about helping students handle their conflict, some of you may be in the middle of conflict yourselves. How can I help you? Do you need an unbiased perspective? Set up a 1:1 Coaching session and let’s pray together. (The first session is free!)
Resilience: A Calling That Stands the Test of Time
What Is Resilience? Resilience is more than just bouncing back—it’s standing firm. It’s the holy grit to keep showing up, even when ministry is hard, results are slow, and your soul feels worn thin. In a biblical sense, resilience is the enduring strength to remain steadfast in your calling despite pain, pressure, or disappointment.
It’s what Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (CSB): “We are afflicted in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed.”
That’s the heartbeat of resilience. It’s not the absence of struggle—it’s the presence of unwavering trust in the One who called you.
God never promised ministry would be easy. But He did promise He’d be with us in every moment. The prophet Isaiah said it like this: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” (Isaiah 43:1b-2a CSB).
Resilience isn’t a personality trait reserved for the tough—it’s a spiritual posture rooted in God’s faithfulness. It’s choosing to believe that when God calls, He also sustains.
And let’s be honest—ministry will test that belief.
There will be seasons when students ghost your small group, parents question your leadership, your team feels divided, or your own heart grows weary from pouring out more than you receive. These are the moments that reveal if we’re rooted in the applause of people or the approval of God.
So, How Do You Build Resilience in Ministry?
Here’s the truth: the secret to resilience isn’t found in better systems, stronger teams, or more creative events. Those help—but they aren’t the foundation. The secret is a steadfast personal faith in the One who called you.
Let’s break it down practically:
1. Return to the Source Daily. You can’t draw water from a dry well. Start each day not with a task list, but with time in the Word and prayer. Not to prepare a message, but to hear from God for your own soul. Your quiet time isn’t optional—it’s your lifeline. Your private devotion fuels public endurance.
2. Remind Yourself of the Call. When things get tough, go back to your calling. Write it down. Revisit the moment God invited you into ministry. What did He say? What did you feel? What Scripture anchored you then? Let that memory remind you: He chose you for this.
3. Reframe the Pain. Hard days don’t mean you’re failing—they may mean you’re growing. Don’t interpret resistance as a sign to quit. Jesus faced rejection, fatigue, betrayal, and deep sorrow. And yet, “for the joy that lay before Him, He endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2 CSB). If He didn’t run from hardship, we shouldn’t either.
4. Rest Without Guilt. Resilience isn’t about grinding until you collapse. It’s about knowing when to pull back and recover. Even Jesus withdrew to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:16). Sabbath is a command, not a suggestion. Your soul needs regular rhythms of rest.
5. Rely on the Community of Faith. You were never meant to do this alone. Find people—other pastors, trusted friends, mentors—who can speak truth into your life when you feel like giving up. Let them carry your burdens. Let them pray over you. Isolation is a fast track to burnout.
Resilience isn’t about being strong enough. It’s about being surrendered enough. Ministry will test your limits, but it will also deepen your dependence on Jesus. The longer you walk with Him, the more you’ll discover that the same God who called you is still holding you. Still sustaining you. Still working through you—even when you can’t see it.
So don’t quit.
Keep showing up.
Stand firm in your calling.
And let your resilience testify not to your strength—but to God’s.
Let chat about how you can build resilience in your calling. Schedule a coaching session. The first one is free! Let’s pray and believe together.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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