Rookie Youth Pastors should NEVER do this!
I remember stepping into my first youth pastor role with a mix of excitement and terror. I had big ideas, a passion for students, and a confidence that I was ready to change the world. Looking back, I wish someone had sat me down and given me a friendly but firm reality check. So if you’re in your first couple of years of youth ministry, consider this that conversation. Here are three things I learned the hard way—three things NOT to do.
1. Don’t Believe You Know It All
When you’re young and fresh in ministry, it’s easy to think you’ve got it all figured out. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, took some youth ministry classes in college and you’re pumped to do things differently than the last guy. But let me tell you—humility goes a long way.
I remember planning an event and assuming I had every detail covered. Turns out, I didn’t even think about things like parent communication, budget approval, or the fact that the church calendar already had another event booked for the same night. Rookie mistake. My pastor kindly pulled me aside and said, “Hey, it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to prove anything.” He taught me the “5 P’s” of event planning. (Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance) That was a game-changer and I still use his advice today 30 years later.
So, stay teachable. Ask questions. Seek wisdom from those who have been in the game longer than you. The best youth pastors aren’t the ones who think they have all the answers—they’re the ones who keep learning and growing.
2. Don’t Neglect the Parents and Adults Who Support You
When I first got into youth ministry, I thought my job was all about the students. And while that’s obviously a huge part of it, I quickly realized something: parents and adult leaders are just as important to my success.
If parents don’t trust you, they won’t support what you’re doing. If adult leaders feel ignored or undervalued, they won’t stick around. And trust me, you NEED them.
At my first church in Rogersville TN, I once planned a retreat without really consulting my key parent leaders. I thought, “They’ll just get on board.” Nope. I got hit with a wave of questions, concerns, and a little frustration. The retreat still happened, but I had to work twice as hard to rebuild trust with those parents afterward.
The best thing you can do? Communicate. Over-communicate. Keep parents in the loop, invite their input, and let them know you value them. Build relationships with adult leaders, invest in them, and empower them to lead alongside you. It’ll make your life (and your ministry) so much easier.
Hot Take: Don’t do anything spontaneous. Parents and Adults don’t like it. Keep your event planning calculated and in advance.
3. Don’t Try to Be Somebody You’re Not
This one’s huge. When you step into youth ministry, it’s tempting to create some cool, ultra-relatable version of yourself that you think students will like. But trust me, they can see right through it.
I tried so hard at first to be the fun, over-the-top, high-energy youth pastor. You know, the guy who’s always loud, always making jokes, and always hyped. But that’s not really me. And honestly, it was exhausting.
If you’re naturally funny, great—lean into it. If you’re more of a deep thinker, own that. If you’re not the type to jump off a stage and crowd surf at camp, don’t force it. Students respect authenticity way more than a manufactured personality. Just be yourself, and let God use you the way He designed you.
Final Thoughts
Youth ministry is an incredible calling, and the first couple of years are a wild ride. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll have awkward moments. You’ll probably look back and cringe at a few things (I sure do). But if you stay humble, invest in the right relationships, and stay true to who you are, you’ll set yourself up for a solid foundation.
So take a breath. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be faithful. And trust me—God will take care of the rest.
Blowing Up Your Youth Ministry
So, you want to wreck your youth ministry? No? Are you sure? Because sometimes, even with good intentions, we’re doing things that are actually tearing it down. If you want to ensure your ministry falls apart, here are a few foolproof ways to make it happen. But if you want to build something strong, take this as a wake-up call.
1. Make It All About You
Your students should know who the real star of the ministry is—you. Make sure every sermon includes a personal story (preferably one where you’re the hero), and don’t bother raising up student leaders or volunteers because you can do it all better anyway. Keep the focus on your charisma, your vision, your voice. If you ever start to think, Wait, isn’t this supposed to be about Jesus?, push that thought away fast.
✅ Fix It: Kill your ego. Point students to Jesus, not yourself. Raise up leaders. Hand off responsibilities. Ministry is not a one-man show.
2. Ignore the Hard Conversations
Keep things fun. Always fun. Don’t talk about sin, identity, purpose, or obedience—those might make students uncomfortable. Dodge tough topics like purity, identity crisis, or real faith struggles because, you know, they might not come back next week. Just stick to hype, games, and a five-minute devo that’s about as deep as a kiddie pool.
✅ Fix It: Be bold. Speak the truth in love. Give students something real to hold onto in a world full of empty noise. They crave authenticity more than entertainment.
3. Overlook Your Leaders
Who needs a strong adult leadership team when you can do it all yourself? Treat your volunteers like babysitters instead of mentors. Never invest in them, never pray with them, and definitely never let them lead. Assume that because they’re adults, they should just “get it” and not need any guidance from you.
✅ Fix It: Train, equip, and love your leaders. Meet with them. Pray for them. Make sure they’re growing so they can invest in students effectively.
4. Chase Numbers Over Discipleship
It’s all about attendance. If you have a packed room, you’re winning. Who cares if most of them don’t know Jesus? Just keep the lights, music, and giveaways coming. Spiritual growth? Eh, that’s optional. As long as your Instagram stories look hype, you’re doing great.
✅ Fix It: Numbers matter, but life change matters more. Measure success by transformed lives, not just attendance.
5. Neglect Your Own Spiritual Life
You’re in ministry, so that counts as your time with God, right? Who has time for personal prayer and Bible study when you’re running a whole youth group? Just wing your sermons, pray on stage, and assume that’s enough to stay spiritually healthy. Meanwhile, let burnout, bitterness, and exhaustion creep in.
✅ Fix It: Guard your time with Jesus. Your personal walk impacts everything you do in ministry. Stay grounded in Him or you’ll have nothing real to offer your students.
6. Ignore Parents
You’re the youth pastor, so you know best, right? Parents? They’re just in the way. No need to partner with them, communicate with them, or equip them to disciple their own kids. After all, youth ministry is where real faith happens, not at home.
✅ Fix It: Partner with parents. Keep them in the loop. Help them lead their students spiritually because they have way more influence than you do.
7. Refuse to Adapt
You’ve been doing things this way for years, and it worked back then, so why change? Culture is shifting, students are struggling in new ways, but you refuse to tweak your approach. Just keep using the same outdated strategies and pretend like it’s still 2005.
✅ Fix It: Stay anchored in Scripture but flexible in strategy. Know your students. Meet them where they are while pointing them to the never-changing truth of God’s Word.
Time to Rebuild
If any of these hit home, it’s not too late. The goal isn’t just to have a youth ministry—it’s to build one that actually changes lives. Let’s stop wrecking it and start leading it well.
Your students need a leader who’s real, who’s growing, and who’s pointing them to Jesus. Be that leader. And whatever you do—don’t blow it up. Let’s set up a time to talk through some of the ways we blow up our ministry unintentionally. Leave a comment below or shoot me an email.
A Youth Pastor that sees…
Three simple perspectives to help reinvigorate your passion for leading.
A youth pastor should never have their head down. Eyes up. Always looking—looking for God’s next move, looking for the needs of their people, looking for the bigger picture of where the ministry is headed. If you’re leading with your head down, you might miss it.
Ministry isn’t about just getting through another Wednesday night, planning another game, or giving another lesson. It’s about seeing—seeing where God is moving, seeing the hearts of your students, and seeing the bigger vision He has for your ministry.
Let’s talk about three things every youth pastor should be looking for.
1. Seeing the Direction of Your Ministry and Leading People to It
A youth ministry without vision is like a road trip without a map. Sure, you might still have fun, but you won’t know where you’re going—or how to get there.
Where is God leading your ministry? Are you just maintaining or actually moving forward? A youth pastor with vision is always thinking ahead, preparing for growth, and leading students toward a deeper faith. That might mean developing a discipleship plan, raising up student leaders, or creating a culture of worship and prayer.
If you don’t know where you’re headed, your students won’t either. Lift your eyes and ask God, What’s next?
2. Seeing the Needs of Your People and Speaking to Them
If all you see is the calendar and the to-do list, you’re missing what’s right in front of you—your students’ struggles, questions, and spiritual hunger.
A youth pastor who truly “sees” is paying attention. You notice the student who’s withdrawing, the one who always cracks jokes to cover their pain, the one who’s wrestling with faith but doesn’t know how to ask. And when you see these things, you respond. You don’t just preach generic sermons—you speak to real struggles, real doubts, and real hopes.
Jesus was a master at this. He saw the needs of people and met them exactly where they were. That’s the kind of leader your students need.
3. Seeing the Hand of God and Celebrating It
It’s easy to get caught up in what’s not happening. Maybe attendance is down, volunteers are scarce, or the energy isn’t what it used to be. But are you seeing what God is doing?
That one student who is growing in faith? That leader who stepped up unexpectedly? The breakthrough moment in worship last week? God is moving. Always. And as a leader, you set the tone. If you celebrate what God is doing, your students will start looking for Him too.
Take time to acknowledge and thank God for what you do see. Gratitude shifts the atmosphere.
The Best Part? God Sees Too.
Here’s what’s cool—you’re not the only one watching.
God sees you. He sees your struggles, your sacrifices, and your prayers that no one else knows about. He sees your students, their brokenness, their growth, and their potential. And He’s guiding you through it all.
When you look to Him, He will reveal what you need to see. So, eyes up, pastor. Keep looking, keep leading, and keep trusting the One who sees it all.
I’d love to celebrate what you see… shoot me an email or comment below!
The Busy Youth Pastor
There’s never a shortage of things to do in youth ministry. Between planning events, attending games, discipling students, organizing outreach opportunities, and making sure there are enough snacks for small group night, it’s easy to feel like you’re running at full speed with no finish line in sight. Every youth pastor has felt the tension: Am I doing enough?
Here’s the truth, ministry never stops, but that doesn’t mean you have to run yourself into the ground. The pressure you feel to be everywhere, say yes to everything, and meet every need often comes from a place of false expectations. And if no one has told you this lately, let me remind you: You are not called to do it all.
Are You Really That Busy?
How many times has a friend asked, “How’s it going? and your automatic response was, Busy! It’s like a badge of honor we wear, proof that we’re working hard and giving it our all. But are we really that busy, or do we hide behind busy to justify our worth?
Being busy doesn’t equal being effective. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the more we do, the more valuable we are in ministry. But your worth is not found in how packed your schedule is – it’s found in Christ. He didn’t call you to be busy; He called you to be faithful.
Stop Carrying More Than You Were Asked To
Jesus never asked you to be at every event or personally disciple every student. He asked you to be obedient. When you try to carry the full weight of ministry, you start operating out of exhaustion rather than calling. And that’s not sustainable.
You don’t have to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. In fact, learning to say no might be the healthiest decision for both you and your students. When you do less, you can focus on doing what truly matters, building meaningful relationships, teaching God’s Word, and equipping leaders who can disciple others.
Shift From Doing to Delegating
One of the biggest mistakes youth pastors make is believing they have to do everything themselves. But ministry was never meant to be a solo act. You have volunteers, leaders, and even students who are capable and willing to help if you let them. By empowering others, you not only lighten your own load but also create space for others to grow in their faith and leadership.
Take a Breath, You’re Doing Better Than You Think
At the end of the day, you don’t have to prove yourself by how much you do. Your identity is not in the number of events you plan but in Christ, who called you into this ministry in the first place. So take a deep breath. Trust that God is working in your students lives even when you take a day off. And remember you don’t have to do it all to be faithful.
If this describes you, “Too Busy!” I’d love to share with you some of my thoughts on the 5 P’s of ministry calendaring. It might help calm the stress of busy. Schedule a 1 on 1 coaching session and let’s chat.
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: I’ve been working on something new for 2025!
Fresh Calling: Inspiring Youth Pastors to Lead with Purpose and Passion
After over 30 years in youth ministry, my heart is full as I share an exciting new chapter: the launch of Fresh Calling (freshcalling.org). This ministry is a culmination of decades of experience, joy, heartache, and countless moments of God’s faithfulness. It’s a way for me to pour into the next generation of youth pastors—to equip, inspire, and encourage those called to lead students in their walk with Christ.
No, I’m not leaving my current assignment here in West Tennessee. No, I’m not jumping out of youth ministry. Fresh Calling is an outpouring of a passion I’ve had for years to raise up the next generation of youth pastors and ministry leaders.
The Vision Behind Fresh Calling
Youth ministry can feel overwhelming and isolating at times. The weight of leading students, supporting families, and navigating your own spiritual life and family life can take its toll. Fresh Calling exists to remind youth pastors of the divine purpose behind their calling and to provide practical tools to help them fulfill it effectively.
This is more than just another resource for youth ministry; it’s a community. It’s a place where youth pastors can find encouragement, guidance, and camaraderie as they pursue God’s mission in their lives and ministries.
The tagline says it all: Equipping Your Calling for Transformative Ministry. Whether you’ve been in ministry for decades or you’re just starting out, Fresh Calling is here to help renew your vision, sharpen your skills, and empower you to make a lasting impact.
Coaching and Consulting
At the heart of Fresh Calling is the desire to walk alongside youth pastors through coaching and consulting. Over the years, I’ve learned that every ministry context is unique, yet the challenges we face often have similar roots. Through one-on-one coaching and team consulting, I’ll help you identify your ministry’s strengths, navigate obstacles, and create strategies for long-term growth and impact.
We’ll explore topics like:
- Prioritizing the spiritual health of the youth pastor.
- Building a healthy and sustainable ministry.
- Engaging students in a post-COVID world. (Especially Mental Health)
- Discipling students in their faith journey.
- Empowering volunteers and equipping leaders.
- and much more!
These sessions aren’t just about solving problems—they’re about discovering new opportunities to lead with purpose, passion, and authenticity.
The Fresh Calling Book
One of the most exciting parts of this journey is the upcoming publication of Fresh Calling in 2025. Yes, I’ve written a book and for many of you who know me well, this is not something I’ve ever thought about doing! (currently looking for publishers) This book will dive deep into the lessons I’ve learned over the years, blending biblical principles, practical advice, and personal stories. My hope is that it will be a source of encouragement and direction for youth pastors everywhere.
The book isn’t just about what’s worked for me—it’s about what God can do through you. It’s a reminder that your calling is sacred, and that even in the challenges, God’s faithfulness never fails.
Why Now?
The calling to launch Fresh Calling has been on my heart for years, but the time has never felt more urgent than it does now. The world our students live in is more complex and challenging than ever before. The rise of anxiety, social media’s grip on their identity, and the ever-shifting cultural landscape make it clear: our youth pastors need support like never before.
I want to give away what God has entrusted to me—the wisdom, the lessons, the failures, and the victories. I want to help you navigate the same calling that has shaped my life, so you can be faithful in leading the next generation.
Join the Fresh Calling Community
I’d love for you to be part of this journey. Here’s how you can connect:
- Visit the website at freshcalling.org.
- Sign up for coaching and consulting opportunities.
- Subscribe to my blog for up to date thoughts and encouragements.
- Subscribe to the Fresh Calling YouTube channel for practical tips and inspiring content.
- Stay tuned for updates about the Fresh Calling book.
Together, we’ll explore what it means to lead with purpose and to trust God fully in the ministry He’s entrusted to us.
A Final Word of Encouragement
To every youth pastor reading this: You are not alone. The work you’re doing matters deeply. You are planting seeds of faith, hope, and love that will bear fruit for eternity. My prayer for you is that Fresh Calling will be a resource and a refuge as you continue to follow the calling God has placed on your life.
The next chapter is here, and I’m excited to walk alongside you as we lead the next generation together.
Connecting with students on the wall.
I see them every week. Students who come in to the youth room, and just sit (or stand) on the wall immediately hiding behind their screens. Or, they walk in for 2 seconds, scan the room and turn around and walk out! They do not engage. Ever wonder why?
Coming out of a year like no other, many youth pastors face an unexpected challenge: students who are physically present but emotionally and socially distant. Post-COVID, these students often sit along the edges of your youth room, avoiding personal connection and staying glued to their screens. For some, this disengagement is a habit; for others, it’s rooted in something deeper—anxiety.
The Role of Anxiety
Anxiety has become a defining struggle for this generation. The isolation of the pandemic, combined with the pressures of social media and school, has left many students unsure how to engage with others. Walking into a room full of peers can feel overwhelming, and for some, sitting on the wall is their way of coping.
As youth pastors, understanding this dynamic is critical. These students aren’t rejecting community—they’re afraid of it. So, how do we reach them?
1. Create a Safe Space
Anxiety thrives in environments where students feel judged or pressured. Foster a culture of grace and acceptance in your youth group. This could mean setting the tone with leaders who model warmth and understanding or creating intentional moments where students can observe without being forced to participate.
2. Start Small
For anxious students, small steps are huge victories. Instead of inviting them into a large group activity right away, start with one-on-one or small group interactions. For example, invite them to join a game with just a few others or pair them with a trusted peer who can help them feel at ease.
3. Normalize Their Experience
Let students know they’re not alone in their struggles. Share stories of others who’ve dealt with similar challenges, or talk openly about how anxiety impacts relationships. When students feel understood, they’re more likely to take steps toward connection.
4. Use Gentle Encouragement
Instead of calling students out, gently invite them into activities. Phrases like, “Hey, we’d love to have you join us whenever you’re ready,” or “No pressure, but this could be fun if you’re interested,” give them permission to step in at their own pace.
5. Provide Anchors
Anchors are consistent elements that anxious students can rely on. This could be a leader they know will always say hello, a specific activity they enjoy, or even a favorite spot in the room. These small consistencies can help them feel safe enough to engage more deeply over time.
Questions for Reflection:
• Are you providing environments where anxious students feel seen and valued?
• How can you help students take small steps toward deeper relationships?
• In what ways can your leaders support students struggling with anxiety?
When Jesus encountered people on the fringes, He met them with compassion and patience. As youth pastors, we have the same opportunity. By recognizing the impact of anxiety and creating spaces of belonging, we can help students move from the wall to the center of community—and ultimately to the feet of Jesus.
Take heart, youth pastor. Each small step you take toward understanding and connecting with anxious students matters. I know you have these types of students in your group. I’d love hear how you connect these students getting them to engaged in your ministry. Comment below.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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