Integrity Before Influence
Why the private life of a youth pastor matters more than the platform
I’ve learned something over the years in student ministry: students pay close attention to who we are, not just what we say. They may forget a talk, but they won’t forget a life that models the gospel. That truth weighs on me every time I step into a room with teenagers.
I’m not called to impress students or parents. I’m called to live under the gaze of Christ. James 3:1 reminds us, “Not many should become teachers, my brothers, because you know that we will receive a stricter judgment” (CSB). That’s not meant to paralyze me with fear but to keep me mindful of the seriousness of this role.
There are subtle ways compromise creeps in—what we consume online, how we speak in private, where our thoughts drift when nobody’s looking. I’ve seen those cracks form in my own life, and I don’t want to ignore them.
Questions I keep asking myself:
– Does my private life line up with my public ministry?
– Am I guarding my eyes, words, and time with the same diligence I use to prepare a sermon?
– When I’m stressed, do I go to Christ or to distraction?
– Would the people closest to me describe me as the same person in every setting?
These questions aren’t comfortable, but they draw me back to daily disciplines: Scripture, prayer, confession, and honest accountability. Not to earn approval, but because integrity is part of worship.
Youth ministry is more than managing programs or preaching talks; it’s about shepherding souls, starting with our own. I don’t want my life to undercut my message. I want it to reinforce it.
Today, I’m asking God again to form holiness in me. Will you join me? Let’s commit to daily habits of grace, seek accountability, and walk with nothing hidden. Our students need leaders they can trust, and our Lord deserves leaders who walk with Him.
If you’re a youth pastor who feels the weight of this and would like someone to walk alongside you, I offer one-on-one coaching for leaders just like you. Click here to set up a 1-on-1 coaching session with me. The first session is free!
A Seasoned Response: How the Church–Family Partnership Has Shifted—and How We Can “Get It Right”
Last week a friend commented on the blog and asked me, “As a youth pastor of 30+ years, how have you seen the partnership between the church and families change over the years? And what does it look like to ‘get it right’ when you’re trying to encourage parents to emphasize the discipleship and spiritual growth of their own teenagers?”
It’s a good question!. Over the decades I’ve watched parents shift from seeing themselves as the primary disciplers of their kids to seeing the church as the main spiritual driver. They still bring their kids to services, camps, and events, but conversations about faith rarely happen at home. Many even carry a quiet sense of regret: “It’s too late for me. I’ve messed up too much to be a godly influence, but at least I can get my kids to church.” That mentality is understandable but heartbreaking, because God still wants to use parents—no matter their past—as the most significant spiritual voice in their teenagers’ lives. When that’s missing, the partnership between church and families stops feeling like a true partnership and starts feeling counterproductive.
Scripture paints a very different picture. Deuteronomy 6:5–7 (CSB) says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” God’s design has always been for parents to lead their children spiritually—not just to take them to church but to weave conversations about Him into daily life. The church was never meant to replace the home but to reinforce it.
So what does it look like to “get it right” as a youth pastor? After three decades of walking with students and families, here’s what I’ve learned:
- Be faithful to your calling. We are called to shepherd this generation, to lead them first to the feet of Jesus and then toward their families. Our role isn’t to replace parents but to walk alongside them and model what discipleship looks like.
- Clarify the partnership. Don’t assume parents understand your role or their own. Spell it out: “Here is my plan for partnering with you to help you disciple your kids.” Share resources, start conversations, and invite them into the process.
- Lead with grace and kindness. Many parents feel overwhelmed or guilty about not doing “enough.” Rather than shaming them, open doors. Encourage small, practical steps—like reading Scripture together once a week, or asking their student one spiritual question at dinner.
- Keep pointing everyone to Jesus. Parents, students, and youth workers all need the same thing: time at the feet of Christ. The healthier our own walk with Him, the better we’ll shepherd others.
When we as youth pastors stay faithful to this vision, we begin to see glimpses of what God intended—a church that supports families, families that disciple their kids, and students who grow up knowing Jesus is real not just at church but at home. That’s the partnership Scripture calls us to, and even in a culture of busy schedules and divided attention, it’s still possible when we stay patient, intentional, and prayerful.
A Word to Parents
If you’re a parent reading this, please know: you are not behind. You’re not “too late.” Your influence matters more than you realize. You don’t need a seminary degree to disciple your teenager—you just need a willing heart, a listening ear, and a desire to bring Jesus into the everyday moments. Ask a simple spiritual question at dinner. Pray together before school. Read a short passage of Scripture once a week. Small, faithful steps create a lifelong ripple effect. And as you take those steps, your church is here to walk with you, cheer for you, and pray alongside you.
What questions do you have that you would like a seasoned veteran to answer? Leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer it in the next blog post. Consider subscribing to the blog and sharing it with a friend.
BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: I’ve been working on something new for 2025!
Fresh Calling: Inspiring Youth Pastors to Lead with Purpose and Passion
After over 30 years in youth ministry, my heart is full as I share an exciting new chapter: the launch of Fresh Calling (freshcalling.org). This ministry is a culmination of decades of experience, joy, heartache, and countless moments of God’s faithfulness. It’s a way for me to pour into the next generation of youth pastors—to equip, inspire, and encourage those called to lead students in their walk with Christ.
No, I’m not leaving my current assignment here in West Tennessee. No, I’m not jumping out of youth ministry. Fresh Calling is an outpouring of a passion I’ve had for years to raise up the next generation of youth pastors and ministry leaders.
The Vision Behind Fresh Calling
Youth ministry can feel overwhelming and isolating at times. The weight of leading students, supporting families, and navigating your own spiritual life and family life can take its toll. Fresh Calling exists to remind youth pastors of the divine purpose behind their calling and to provide practical tools to help them fulfill it effectively.
This is more than just another resource for youth ministry; it’s a community. It’s a place where youth pastors can find encouragement, guidance, and camaraderie as they pursue God’s mission in their lives and ministries.
The tagline says it all: Equipping Your Calling for Transformative Ministry. Whether you’ve been in ministry for decades or you’re just starting out, Fresh Calling is here to help renew your vision, sharpen your skills, and empower you to make a lasting impact.
Coaching and Consulting
At the heart of Fresh Calling is the desire to walk alongside youth pastors through coaching and consulting. Over the years, I’ve learned that every ministry context is unique, yet the challenges we face often have similar roots. Through one-on-one coaching and team consulting, I’ll help you identify your ministry’s strengths, navigate obstacles, and create strategies for long-term growth and impact.
We’ll explore topics like:
- Prioritizing the spiritual health of the youth pastor.
- Building a healthy and sustainable ministry.
- Engaging students in a post-COVID world. (Especially Mental Health)
- Discipling students in their faith journey.
- Empowering volunteers and equipping leaders.
- and much more!
These sessions aren’t just about solving problems—they’re about discovering new opportunities to lead with purpose, passion, and authenticity.
The Fresh Calling Book
One of the most exciting parts of this journey is the upcoming publication of Fresh Calling in 2025. Yes, I’ve written a book and for many of you who know me well, this is not something I’ve ever thought about doing! (currently looking for publishers) This book will dive deep into the lessons I’ve learned over the years, blending biblical principles, practical advice, and personal stories. My hope is that it will be a source of encouragement and direction for youth pastors everywhere.
The book isn’t just about what’s worked for me—it’s about what God can do through you. It’s a reminder that your calling is sacred, and that even in the challenges, God’s faithfulness never fails.
Why Now?
The calling to launch Fresh Calling has been on my heart for years, but the time has never felt more urgent than it does now. The world our students live in is more complex and challenging than ever before. The rise of anxiety, social media’s grip on their identity, and the ever-shifting cultural landscape make it clear: our youth pastors need support like never before.
I want to give away what God has entrusted to me—the wisdom, the lessons, the failures, and the victories. I want to help you navigate the same calling that has shaped my life, so you can be faithful in leading the next generation.
Join the Fresh Calling Community
I’d love for you to be part of this journey. Here’s how you can connect:
- Visit the website at freshcalling.org.
- Sign up for coaching and consulting opportunities.
- Subscribe to my blog for up to date thoughts and encouragements.
- Subscribe to the Fresh Calling YouTube channel for practical tips and inspiring content.
- Stay tuned for updates about the Fresh Calling book.
Together, we’ll explore what it means to lead with purpose and to trust God fully in the ministry He’s entrusted to us.
A Final Word of Encouragement
To every youth pastor reading this: You are not alone. The work you’re doing matters deeply. You are planting seeds of faith, hope, and love that will bear fruit for eternity. My prayer for you is that Fresh Calling will be a resource and a refuge as you continue to follow the calling God has placed on your life.
The next chapter is here, and I’m excited to walk alongside you as we lead the next generation together.
Connecting with students on the wall.
I see them every week. Students who come in to the youth room, and just sit (or stand) on the wall immediately hiding behind their screens. Or, they walk in for 2 seconds, scan the room and turn around and walk out! They do not engage. Ever wonder why?
Coming out of a year like no other, many youth pastors face an unexpected challenge: students who are physically present but emotionally and socially distant. Post-COVID, these students often sit along the edges of your youth room, avoiding personal connection and staying glued to their screens. For some, this disengagement is a habit; for others, it’s rooted in something deeper—anxiety.
The Role of Anxiety
Anxiety has become a defining struggle for this generation. The isolation of the pandemic, combined with the pressures of social media and school, has left many students unsure how to engage with others. Walking into a room full of peers can feel overwhelming, and for some, sitting on the wall is their way of coping.
As youth pastors, understanding this dynamic is critical. These students aren’t rejecting community—they’re afraid of it. So, how do we reach them?
1. Create a Safe Space
Anxiety thrives in environments where students feel judged or pressured. Foster a culture of grace and acceptance in your youth group. This could mean setting the tone with leaders who model warmth and understanding or creating intentional moments where students can observe without being forced to participate.
2. Start Small
For anxious students, small steps are huge victories. Instead of inviting them into a large group activity right away, start with one-on-one or small group interactions. For example, invite them to join a game with just a few others or pair them with a trusted peer who can help them feel at ease.
3. Normalize Their Experience
Let students know they’re not alone in their struggles. Share stories of others who’ve dealt with similar challenges, or talk openly about how anxiety impacts relationships. When students feel understood, they’re more likely to take steps toward connection.
4. Use Gentle Encouragement
Instead of calling students out, gently invite them into activities. Phrases like, “Hey, we’d love to have you join us whenever you’re ready,” or “No pressure, but this could be fun if you’re interested,” give them permission to step in at their own pace.
5. Provide Anchors
Anchors are consistent elements that anxious students can rely on. This could be a leader they know will always say hello, a specific activity they enjoy, or even a favorite spot in the room. These small consistencies can help them feel safe enough to engage more deeply over time.
Questions for Reflection:
• Are you providing environments where anxious students feel seen and valued?
• How can you help students take small steps toward deeper relationships?
• In what ways can your leaders support students struggling with anxiety?
When Jesus encountered people on the fringes, He met them with compassion and patience. As youth pastors, we have the same opportunity. By recognizing the impact of anxiety and creating spaces of belonging, we can help students move from the wall to the center of community—and ultimately to the feet of Jesus.
Take heart, youth pastor. Each small step you take toward understanding and connecting with anxious students matters. I know you have these types of students in your group. I’d love hear how you connect these students getting them to engaged in your ministry. Comment below.
3 Commons Mistakes Every Youth Pastor Makes
3 Common Mistakes Youth Pastors Make in Ministry
Youth ministry is rewarding but challenging, and mistakes are part of the journey. Recognizing some common pitfalls can help youth pastors navigate ministry with greater effectiveness and joy. Here are three mistakes I’ve made —and some tips on how to avoid them.
1. Lone Ranger Syndrome
It’s easy to feel like you’re solely responsible for the spiritual growth of your students. This mindset often leads to burnout and isolation. Trying to handle everything—planning events, writing lessons, counseling students, running small groups—without a team is unsustainable.
Ministry isn’t meant to be a solo effort. Ecclesiastes 4:9 reminds us, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts.” Build a team of committed leaders who share your vision. Equip and empower them to take ownership of key areas of ministry. Not only does this lighten your load, but it also fosters a culture of discipleship and collaboration.
2. Neglect Parent Perspectives
Youth pastors sometimes focus so much on students that they forget the crucial role parents play. Dismissing parents as out of touch or hard to work with is a mistake. Parents are not just part of the audience—they’re partners in ministry.
Parents spend far more time with their teenagers than you do. They shape their child’s values, decisions, and faith long after youth group ends. Partnering with parents by providing resources, regular communication, and encouragement strengthens the spiritual foundation being built at home.
Take time to listen to parents’ concerns and seek their input. Hosting parent meetings or sending out newsletters with ministry updates can go a long way in fostering trust and collaboration. When parents feel included, they’re more likely to support and pray for your ministry.
3. Devalue Relationships
Youth ministry can become consumed with programs, numbers, and events. While those have their place, focusing on them at the expense of relationships misses the heart of the gospel. Students don’t need a flashy show—they need authentic connections with leaders who reflect Christ’s love.
Jesus modeled relational ministry by investing in a small group of disciples, eating with them, listening to their questions, and walking through life with them. Similarly, your students need to know you care about them personally. Attending their sports games, remembering their prayer requests, or simply asking how their week went builds trust and opens the door for meaningful discipleship.
Challenge your team to prioritize relationships over programs. Remember, spiritual growth happens most often in the context of genuine, Christ-centered relationships.
Moving Forward:
Mistakes are inevitable, but they’re also opportunities for growth. Avoiding these common pitfalls will not only make your ministry more effective but also more joyful. By embracing teamwork, partnering with parents, and prioritizing relationships, you’ll create a ministry culture that reflects the heart of Christ and impacts students for eternity.
Nobody’s perfect! Good Lord, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes but how we use them to grow our leadership and ministry is crucial. Let’s talk about it. Schedule a 1on1 coaching session we me today.
Student-Led Ministry: Here are 5 reasons why you should give away the ministry to them!
Last night was our annual Christmas Party. Typically this night is pretty scripted and executed by our staff. But not last night! Oh we planned some things, but it was a “student-led night”, and it was chaotically fantastic! Students help decorate, serve food, M.C.’d the night, ran sound and cleaned up. The crowd of huge and boisterous. At about halfway through the night, I gave up the reins and quit trying to control it. I just sat down at one of the tables in the room and watched everything happen.
In youth ministry, it’s tempting to feel like we must have our hands on everything: planning events, leading small groups, preaching every message, and organizing every outreach. But what if the greatest impact we could have comes not from doing everything ourselves, but from empowering students to lead?
When we give the ministry away and invest in student-led ministry, we aren’t abdicating responsibility—we’re multiplying the work of the gospel. Here are five reasons why youth pastors and leaders should prioritize student-led ministry in their churches.
1. It Develops Ownership.
When students take an active role in ministry, they shift from being consumers to contributors. Leading worship, teaching a devotion, organizing a service project—these opportunities challenge students to apply their faith in real ways.
Ownership is key to long-term faith. If students never practice leadership in their formative years, they’ll graduate from youth group without understanding how to integrate their faith into everyday life. But when we invite them to lead, they experience firsthand how God can use them for His purposes.
Think about Paul’s encouragement to Timothy: “Don’t let anyone despise your youth, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12, CSB).
Student-led ministry is about giving teenagers the space to live this out.
2. It Multiplies Ministry.
Even with the best team of adult volunteers, there’s a limit to what youth pastors can do alone. But when students are empowered to lead, the reach of your ministry multiplies exponentially.
Imagine the impact if every student became a leader in their own right—mentoring their peers, sharing the gospel in their schools, and inviting friends to church events. You don’t just have a ministry to students; you have a ministry through students.
This multiplication aligns with Jesus’ ministry model. He spent time equipping His disciples and then sent them out to do the work (Luke 9:1-6). When we give the ministry away, we follow His example of raising up leaders who carry the mission forward.
3. It Builds Confidence in Spiritual Gifts
Many students don’t realize they have spiritual gifts, let alone how to use them. Student-led ministry provides a safe space for them to discover and develop these gifts, whether it’s teaching, serving, encouraging, or leading worship.
When a student stands up to share a testimony or leads their first prayer, it might be awkward at first. But over time, they’ll grow in confidence, realizing that God has uniquely equipped them to serve His kingdom.
As leaders, our role is to identify and affirm these gifts. Like Barnabas encouraged Paul early in his ministry, we can say to our students, “I see God working through you. Keep going.”
4. It Creates a Culture of Peer Discipleship
Teenagers listen to other teenagers. (This is SO true!) While your voice as a youth pastor is important, there’s something powerful about a student hearing truth from a peer. Whenever a guest comes for the first time to our ministry, we have one of our student leaders text them later that day or the next to say thanks for coming.
Student-led ministry fosters a culture of peer discipleship, where students encourage and hold each other accountable. Whether it’s a small group leader walking through Scripture with a friend or a student worship leader inviting others into God’s presence, these moments create deeper connections and spiritual growth. We often have students teach the lesson in our Sunday morning Life Groups and every spring I give up the pulpit during our midweek gathering for students to preach.
Jesus’ Great Commission calls all believers to make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20). By equipping students to disciple their peers, we prepare them to fulfill this mission both now and in the future.
5. It Prepares Students for Lifelong Ministry
Ministry isn’t something reserved for pastors; it’s a calling for every believer. Yet, many students graduate from youth ministry without knowing how to live this out in adulthood.
By giving students leadership roles, we prepare them for a lifetime of serving the church. A student who leads a small group today might be a Sunday school teacher tomorrow. A teenager who organizes a local outreach could someday lead a missions team.
When we invest in student leaders, we’re building the future of the church. As Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, “Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old, he will not depart from it” (CSB).
Practical Steps to Implement Student-Led Ministry
Giving the ministry away can feel overwhelming if you don’t know where to start. Here are a few ideas:
• Start small: Invite a student to co-lead a small group or share a testimony during youth group.
• Provide training: Offer leadership training moments or one-on-one mentoring to equip students with the skills they need. We send students to SLU (Student Leadership University) every summer and we recruit 25-30 students to be on our SLT (Student Leadership Team) every year.
• Give ownership: Let students plan and lead parts of your weekly program or organize an outreach event. You have to let go of control, even if it’s messy and not the way you would do it.
• Celebrate their efforts: Encourage students publicly when they step out in faith, even if they make mistakes.
As youth pastors, our goal isn’t to create a ministry that depends on us—it’s to develop disciples who depend on Jesus. Giving the ministry away isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
When we empower students to lead, we help them grow into the people God has called them to be. And in the process, we watch as God uses their gifts to reach their peers and beyond.
It’s not about us. It’s about equipping the next generation to lead the church forward. Let’s give the ministry away—and watch what God will do. I would love to talk about how you can foster more student leadership in your ministry context. Schedule a 1on1 coaching session today.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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