Last week a friend commented on the blog and asked me, “As a youth pastor of 30+ years, how have you seen the partnership between the church and families change over the years? And what does it look like to ‘get it right’ when you’re trying to encourage parents to emphasize the discipleship and spiritual growth of their own teenagers?”

It’s a good question!. Over the decades I’ve watched parents shift from seeing themselves as the primary disciplers of their kids to seeing the church as the main spiritual driver. They still bring their kids to services, camps, and events, but conversations about faith rarely happen at home. Many even carry a quiet sense of regret: “It’s too late for me. I’ve messed up too much to be a godly influence, but at least I can get my kids to church.” That mentality is understandable but heartbreaking, because God still wants to use parents—no matter their past—as the most significant spiritual voice in their teenagers’ lives. When that’s missing, the partnership between church and families stops feeling like a true partnership and starts feeling counterproductive.

Scripture paints a very different picture. Deuteronomy 6:5–7 (CSB) says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” God’s design has always been for parents to lead their children spiritually—not just to take them to church but to weave conversations about Him into daily life. The church was never meant to replace the home but to reinforce it.

So what does it look like to “get it right” as a youth pastor? After three decades of walking with students and families, here’s what I’ve learned:

• Be faithful to your calling. We are called to shepherd this generation, to lead them first to the feet of Jesus and then toward their families. Our role isn’t to replace parents but to walk alongside them and model what discipleship looks like.
• Clarify the partnership. Don’t assume parents understand your role or their own. Spell it out: “Here is my plan for partnering with you to help you disciple your kids.” Share resources, start conversations, and invite them into the process.
• Lead with grace and kindness. Many parents feel overwhelmed or guilty about not doing “enough.” Rather than shaming them, open doors. Encourage small, practical steps—like reading Scripture together once a week, or asking their student one spiritual question at dinner.
• Keep pointing everyone to Jesus. Parents, students, and youth workers all need the same thing: time at the feet of Christ. The healthier our own walk with Him, the better we’ll shepherd others.

When we as youth pastors stay faithful to this vision, we begin to see glimpses of what God intended—a church that supports families, families that disciple their kids, and students who grow up knowing Jesus is real not just at church but at home. That’s the partnership Scripture calls us to, and even in a culture of busy schedules and divided attention, it’s still possible when we stay patient, intentional, and prayerful.

A Word to Parents
If you’re a parent reading this, please know: you are not behind. You’re not “too late.” Your influence matters more than you realize. You don’t need a seminary degree to disciple your teenager—you just need a willing heart, a listening ear, and a desire to bring Jesus into the everyday moments. Ask a simple spiritual question at dinner. Pray together before school. Read a short passage of Scripture once a week. Small, faithful steps create a lifelong ripple effect. And as you take those steps, your church is here to walk with you, cheer for you, and pray alongside you.

What questions do you have that you would like a seasoned veteran to answer? Leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer it in the next blog post. Consider subscribing to the blog and sharing it with a friend.