Connecting with students on the wall.
I see them every week. Students who come in to the youth room, and just sit (or stand) on the wall immediately hiding behind their screens. Or, they walk in for 2 seconds, scan the room and turn around and walk out! They do not engage. Ever wonder why?
Coming out of a year like no other, many youth pastors face an unexpected challenge: students who are physically present but emotionally and socially distant. Post-COVID, these students often sit along the edges of your youth room, avoiding personal connection and staying glued to their screens. For some, this disengagement is a habit; for others, it’s rooted in something deeper—anxiety.
The Role of Anxiety
Anxiety has become a defining struggle for this generation. The isolation of the pandemic, combined with the pressures of social media and school, has left many students unsure how to engage with others. Walking into a room full of peers can feel overwhelming, and for some, sitting on the wall is their way of coping.
As youth pastors, understanding this dynamic is critical. These students aren’t rejecting community—they’re afraid of it. So, how do we reach them?
1. Create a Safe Space
Anxiety thrives in environments where students feel judged or pressured. Foster a culture of grace and acceptance in your youth group. This could mean setting the tone with leaders who model warmth and understanding or creating intentional moments where students can observe without being forced to participate.
2. Start Small
For anxious students, small steps are huge victories. Instead of inviting them into a large group activity right away, start with one-on-one or small group interactions. For example, invite them to join a game with just a few others or pair them with a trusted peer who can help them feel at ease.
3. Normalize Their Experience
Let students know they’re not alone in their struggles. Share stories of others who’ve dealt with similar challenges, or talk openly about how anxiety impacts relationships. When students feel understood, they’re more likely to take steps toward connection.
4. Use Gentle Encouragement
Instead of calling students out, gently invite them into activities. Phrases like, “Hey, we’d love to have you join us whenever you’re ready,” or “No pressure, but this could be fun if you’re interested,” give them permission to step in at their own pace.
5. Provide Anchors
Anchors are consistent elements that anxious students can rely on. This could be a leader they know will always say hello, a specific activity they enjoy, or even a favorite spot in the room. These small consistencies can help them feel safe enough to engage more deeply over time.
Questions for Reflection:
• Are you providing environments where anxious students feel seen and valued?
• How can you help students take small steps toward deeper relationships?
• In what ways can your leaders support students struggling with anxiety?
When Jesus encountered people on the fringes, He met them with compassion and patience. As youth pastors, we have the same opportunity. By recognizing the impact of anxiety and creating spaces of belonging, we can help students move from the wall to the center of community—and ultimately to the feet of Jesus.
Take heart, youth pastor. Each small step you take toward understanding and connecting with anxious students matters. I know you have these types of students in your group. I’d love hear how you connect these students getting them to engaged in your ministry. Comment below.
3 Commons Mistakes Every Youth Pastor Makes
3 Common Mistakes Youth Pastors Make in Ministry
Youth ministry is rewarding but challenging, and mistakes are part of the journey. Recognizing some common pitfalls can help youth pastors navigate ministry with greater effectiveness and joy. Here are three mistakes I’ve made —and some tips on how to avoid them.
1. Lone Ranger Syndrome
It’s easy to feel like you’re solely responsible for the spiritual growth of your students. This mindset often leads to burnout and isolation. Trying to handle everything—planning events, writing lessons, counseling students, running small groups—without a team is unsustainable.
Ministry isn’t meant to be a solo effort. Ecclesiastes 4:9 reminds us, “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts.” Build a team of committed leaders who share your vision. Equip and empower them to take ownership of key areas of ministry. Not only does this lighten your load, but it also fosters a culture of discipleship and collaboration.
2. Neglect Parent Perspectives
Youth pastors sometimes focus so much on students that they forget the crucial role parents play. Dismissing parents as out of touch or hard to work with is a mistake. Parents are not just part of the audience—they’re partners in ministry.
Parents spend far more time with their teenagers than you do. They shape their child’s values, decisions, and faith long after youth group ends. Partnering with parents by providing resources, regular communication, and encouragement strengthens the spiritual foundation being built at home.
Take time to listen to parents’ concerns and seek their input. Hosting parent meetings or sending out newsletters with ministry updates can go a long way in fostering trust and collaboration. When parents feel included, they’re more likely to support and pray for your ministry.
3. Devalue Relationships
Youth ministry can become consumed with programs, numbers, and events. While those have their place, focusing on them at the expense of relationships misses the heart of the gospel. Students don’t need a flashy show—they need authentic connections with leaders who reflect Christ’s love.
Jesus modeled relational ministry by investing in a small group of disciples, eating with them, listening to their questions, and walking through life with them. Similarly, your students need to know you care about them personally. Attending their sports games, remembering their prayer requests, or simply asking how their week went builds trust and opens the door for meaningful discipleship.
Challenge your team to prioritize relationships over programs. Remember, spiritual growth happens most often in the context of genuine, Christ-centered relationships.
Moving Forward:
Mistakes are inevitable, but they’re also opportunities for growth. Avoiding these common pitfalls will not only make your ministry more effective but also more joyful. By embracing teamwork, partnering with parents, and prioritizing relationships, you’ll create a ministry culture that reflects the heart of Christ and impacts students for eternity.
Nobody’s perfect! Good Lord, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes but how we use them to grow our leadership and ministry is crucial. Let’s talk about it. Schedule a 1on1 coaching session we me today.
Pitfalls that can ruin your ministry!
3 Pitfalls I’ve Seen Youth Pastors Fall Into. And How You Can Avoid Them.
Ministry is tough—especially youth ministry. We’re constantly balancing a million things, pouring into students, leading events, and staying on top of all the behind-the-scenes work. But with all these pressures, there are a few common pitfalls I’ve seen wreck youth pastors’ ministries. The sad part is, most of these traps could have been avoided if we had just taken a step back and thought ahead. Let me walk you through three of the biggest mistakes I’ve seen—and more importantly, how you can avoid them.
1. Inappropriate Relationships: Keeping Things Above Reproach
I’ve seen this one happen way too often, and it’s always heartbreaking. It starts small—maybe you’re just spending extra time with a student who’s going through a tough time, or you get a bit too close to a volunteer—and before you know it, lines get blurred. Whether it’s emotional boundaries or something more serious, inappropriate relationships can destroy trust, cause major damage to your reputation, and even shut down your ministry.
How to Avoid It:
- Set boundaries early: This is the most important part. From day one, make sure you’re clear about what’s okay and what’s not when it comes to relationships with students and volunteers. Keep communication open but respectful—texting every day about personal stuff is a red flag.
- Find accountability: Have someone you trust who can ask you tough questions about your interactions. Maybe it’s a fellow pastor, a mentor, or a trusted leader in your church. Don’t try to do this alone—accountability is key.
- Avoid one-on-one situations: It sounds simple, but it’s so easy to forget. Don’t spend time alone with students, especially behind closed doors. It’s just not worth the risk, no matter how innocent it feels.
2. Loss of Integrity: When Your Words Don’t Line Up with Your Actions
We’ve all been there. You’re preaching the truth on a Sunday, but then you head home and act in ways that don’t line up with what you just said. It could be gossiping, slacking off, or letting little things slide that you know are wrong. But here’s the thing—students see right through that. If your actions don’t back up what you teach, it’s a quick road to losing respect and trust.
How to Avoid It:
- Practice what you preach: If you’re teaching about honesty, generosity, or purity, make sure you’re living it out. It’s as simple as that. People watch you—especially the teens in your ministry. Lead by example, even in the small, everyday stuff.
- Own your mistakes: None of us are perfect. If you slip up, be honest about it. Apologize to those you may have hurt and show that you’re committed to doing better. This not only helps rebuild trust but shows students that we all need grace.
- Create personal standards: Make sure you have clear convictions that guide your actions. These should be non-negotiable. Whether it’s how you spend your time, how you speak to others, or how you lead your family—stay consistent in your integrity.
3. Laziness: Losing the Fire and Falling into complacency
Let’s be real—sometimes ministry just feels like a grind. You’ve got event after event, constant planning, and you’re always putting out fires. It’s easy to slip into autopilot mode and just do the bare minimum to get through the day. But here’s the thing: laziness doesn’t just mean you’re not doing enough. It means you’re losing sight of the bigger picture. If you’re not careful, you’ll burn out, and your ministry will start to feel like a job instead of a calling.
How to Avoid It:
- Remember your “why”: Stay connected to the reason you’re doing this. Remind yourself that you’re investing in the next generation, helping them grow in their faith, and pointing them toward Jesus. That’s what keeps the fire burning when things get tough.
- Create a routine: Don’t just let the day happen to you. Plan ahead. Set aside time for personal prayer, study, and family connection. When you’re structured, you’ll find it easier to stay focused and energized.
- Never stop learning: Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you’ve got it all figured out. Stay hungry to learn—whether it’s through books, conferences, or talking to other youth pastors. The more you invest in growing yourself, the more your ministry will thrive.
Wrapping It Up:
Ministry is hard, no doubt about it. But we’ve got to be aware of these traps—unhealthy relationships, losing our integrity, and laziness—because they’ll mess things up quicker than we can imagine. The key is to stay connected to the calling, stay accountable, and keep growing both personally and professionally. It’s not always easy, but if we keep our eyes on Jesus and stay faithful to what He’s called us to, we’ll avoid these pitfalls and make a lasting impact in the lives of our students.
There are way more ways to ruin your ministry. These are just three quick ideas I had. Let’s have an honest conversation soon. Sign up for a 1on1 coaching sessions and let’s brainstorm have you can avoid some of these pitfalls.
Student-Led Ministry: Here are 5 reasons why you should give away the ministry to them!
Last night was our annual Christmas Party. Typically this night is pretty scripted and executed by our staff. But not last night! Oh we planned some things, but it was a “student-led night”, and it was chaotically fantastic! Students help decorate, serve food, M.C.’d the night, ran sound and cleaned up. The crowd of huge and boisterous. At about halfway through the night, I gave up the reins and quit trying to control it. I just sat down at one of the tables in the room and watched everything happen.
In youth ministry, it’s tempting to feel like we must have our hands on everything: planning events, leading small groups, preaching every message, and organizing every outreach. But what if the greatest impact we could have comes not from doing everything ourselves, but from empowering students to lead?
When we give the ministry away and invest in student-led ministry, we aren’t abdicating responsibility—we’re multiplying the work of the gospel. Here are five reasons why youth pastors and leaders should prioritize student-led ministry in their churches.
1. It Develops Ownership.
When students take an active role in ministry, they shift from being consumers to contributors. Leading worship, teaching a devotion, organizing a service project—these opportunities challenge students to apply their faith in real ways.
Ownership is key to long-term faith. If students never practice leadership in their formative years, they’ll graduate from youth group without understanding how to integrate their faith into everyday life. But when we invite them to lead, they experience firsthand how God can use them for His purposes.
Think about Paul’s encouragement to Timothy: “Don’t let anyone despise your youth, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12, CSB).
Student-led ministry is about giving teenagers the space to live this out.
2. It Multiplies Ministry.
Even with the best team of adult volunteers, there’s a limit to what youth pastors can do alone. But when students are empowered to lead, the reach of your ministry multiplies exponentially.
Imagine the impact if every student became a leader in their own right—mentoring their peers, sharing the gospel in their schools, and inviting friends to church events. You don’t just have a ministry to students; you have a ministry through students.
This multiplication aligns with Jesus’ ministry model. He spent time equipping His disciples and then sent them out to do the work (Luke 9:1-6). When we give the ministry away, we follow His example of raising up leaders who carry the mission forward.
3. It Builds Confidence in Spiritual Gifts
Many students don’t realize they have spiritual gifts, let alone how to use them. Student-led ministry provides a safe space for them to discover and develop these gifts, whether it’s teaching, serving, encouraging, or leading worship.
When a student stands up to share a testimony or leads their first prayer, it might be awkward at first. But over time, they’ll grow in confidence, realizing that God has uniquely equipped them to serve His kingdom.
As leaders, our role is to identify and affirm these gifts. Like Barnabas encouraged Paul early in his ministry, we can say to our students, “I see God working through you. Keep going.”
4. It Creates a Culture of Peer Discipleship
Teenagers listen to other teenagers. (This is SO true!) While your voice as a youth pastor is important, there’s something powerful about a student hearing truth from a peer. Whenever a guest comes for the first time to our ministry, we have one of our student leaders text them later that day or the next to say thanks for coming.
Student-led ministry fosters a culture of peer discipleship, where students encourage and hold each other accountable. Whether it’s a small group leader walking through Scripture with a friend or a student worship leader inviting others into God’s presence, these moments create deeper connections and spiritual growth. We often have students teach the lesson in our Sunday morning Life Groups and every spring I give up the pulpit during our midweek gathering for students to preach.
Jesus’ Great Commission calls all believers to make disciples (Matthew 28:19-20). By equipping students to disciple their peers, we prepare them to fulfill this mission both now and in the future.
5. It Prepares Students for Lifelong Ministry
Ministry isn’t something reserved for pastors; it’s a calling for every believer. Yet, many students graduate from youth ministry without knowing how to live this out in adulthood.
By giving students leadership roles, we prepare them for a lifetime of serving the church. A student who leads a small group today might be a Sunday school teacher tomorrow. A teenager who organizes a local outreach could someday lead a missions team.
When we invest in student leaders, we’re building the future of the church. As Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, “Start a youth out on his way; even when he grows old, he will not depart from it” (CSB).
Practical Steps to Implement Student-Led Ministry
Giving the ministry away can feel overwhelming if you don’t know where to start. Here are a few ideas:
• Start small: Invite a student to co-lead a small group or share a testimony during youth group.
• Provide training: Offer leadership training moments or one-on-one mentoring to equip students with the skills they need. We send students to SLU (Student Leadership University) every summer and we recruit 25-30 students to be on our SLT (Student Leadership Team) every year.
• Give ownership: Let students plan and lead parts of your weekly program or organize an outreach event. You have to let go of control, even if it’s messy and not the way you would do it.
• Celebrate their efforts: Encourage students publicly when they step out in faith, even if they make mistakes.
As youth pastors, our goal isn’t to create a ministry that depends on us—it’s to develop disciples who depend on Jesus. Giving the ministry away isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
When we empower students to lead, we help them grow into the people God has called them to be. And in the process, we watch as God uses their gifts to reach their peers and beyond.
It’s not about us. It’s about equipping the next generation to lead the church forward. Let’s give the ministry away—and watch what God will do. I would love to talk about how you can foster more student leadership in your ministry context. Schedule a 1on1 coaching session today.
Two Feet on the Floor: The Moment When Your Day Begins
My alarm goes off sometime between 5:00 and 5:30 AM. The house is still, the world outside feels quiet, and for a brief moment, I consider staying under the covers. But then I remember: this is when it all starts. My mornings aren’t just the beginning of the day—they’re the foundation.
I’ve learned that how I use these early hours impacts everything else. It affects how I lead in ministry, how I show up for my family, and, most importantly, how I connect with God. So, when my two feet hit the floor, it’s go time.
Here’s how my morning routine helps me stay grounded, connected, and ready to take on the day.
Step 1: Breakfast and Connection
The first thing I do is head to the kitchen to make breakfast. It’s not just about food—it’s about setting the tone for my family before the day pulls us in different directions. My youngest daughter heads off to school early, so I try to make sure she starts her day with something warm and filling.
After breakfast is ready, my wife and I sit down together. This has become one of my favorite parts of the day. In the middle of the morning rush, we create a small pocket of stillness. We connect over coffee, talk about what’s ahead, and take time to pray together.
I’ve realized how easy it is to let the busyness of life crowd out moments like these. But these shared mornings remind us that we’re in this together—not just as parents, but as partners who are anchoring our family in God’s presence.
Step 2: Time with God
After my daughter is off to school and breakfast is done, it’s my time. I make my coffee, grab my Bible, and settle in for about an hour of focused time with God.
I use the One Year Bible for my daily reading. There’s something powerful about walking through Scripture in a structured way—it keeps me grounded in the Word and reminds me of the bigger story I’m part of. Some days, a verse will jump out and speak directly to what I’m walking through. Other days, it’s the simple rhythm of showing up that keeps me connected.
Prayer journaling has also become a key part of my mornings. Writing out my prayers helps me slow down and be honest with God. I’ll lift up specific concerns for my ministry, pray over my family, and seek guidance for decisions I’m facing. It’s also a chance to reflect on the ways God has answered prayers I’ve written before.
This hour isn’t rushed or hurried—it’s sacred. It’s where I recalibrate my heart and remember who I’m serving before I step into the demands of the day.
Step 3: Getting Ready and Planning the Day
Once my time with God is done, I get dressed and review my calendar. This is my moment to shift gears and prepare for what’s ahead.
I glance at my schedule and prioritize the key tasks or meetings that need my attention. Ministry can be unpredictable, so having a clear plan helps me stay focused on what matters most. It’s not just about checking boxes—it’s about making sure I’m stewarding my time well.
From there, I head to the church office, ready to take on whatever the day holds.
Why This Routine Matters
For years, my mornings were chaotic and reactive. I’d hit snooze, rush through breakfast (if I ate at all), and scramble into the day feeling unprepared. But over time, I realized that how I started my morning set the tone for everything else.
Now, my routine gives me a sense of purpose and clarity. Making breakfast isn’t just a chore—it’s a chance to serve my family. Praying with my wife isn’t just a habit—it’s a way to strengthen our relationship and invite God into our day. Spending time in Scripture and prayer isn’t just a checkbox—it’s the foundation of my calling.
For youth pastors, mornings are a gift. They’re a chance to meet with God before meeting with students, to invest in your family before investing in your ministry, and to prepare your heart before the demands of the day come knocking.
So, tomorrow morning, when your alarm goes off, resist the temptation to hit snooze. Swing your feet onto the floor and start with intention. Whether that looks like making breakfast, diving into Scripture, or taking a moment to pray, know that these small choices can have a big impact—not just on your day, but on your life and ministry.
Trust me: when you start your mornings with purpose, you’ll be amazed at how much better you’re able to pour into the people God has called you to serve.
Let’s talk about your morning routine and how we can get your day started off right… schedule a 1on1 coaching session.
Leading with a Clear Conscience
Leading with a Clear Conscience: Recognizing the Enemy’s Influence in Ministry
As youth pastors, we know there’s more going on than meets the eye. Our ministries aren’t just about planning events or leading small groups—they’re about fighting for the hearts of students in a world filled with darkness. And if we’re honest, sometimes the evil one has more influence over us than we’d like to admit. But with a few intentional steps, we can guard ourselves, stay alert, and lead with a clear conscience. There have been several books I’ve read through the years that have shaped what I think about how I lead with a clear conscience and I’d like to pull some ideas together here to help all of us to deal with the enemy’s influence.
First, we have to recognize the battle we’re in. The Christian in Complete Armor by William Gurnall paints a vivid picture of the spiritual fight we’re facing. It’s easy to think that spiritual warfare only happens in “big” moments, but the truth is, it’s in the everyday moments too—the frustration, the discouragement, the doubts that creep in. Each day, it’s helpful to take inventory by asking ourselves where we felt pushed off course. Was it a moment of anger? A lack of patience? This simple reflection can reveal where the enemy may be influencing our thoughts or emotions. Prayer for discernment is also essential here; we can ask God to open our eyes to areas where we’re under attack. And we don’t have to face these struggles alone. Sharing what we’re going through with trusted accountability partners can make all the difference. Darkness thrives in secrecy, and bringing it to light diminishes its power.
Guarding our hearts and minds is also crucial. In Reclaiming Surrendered Ground, (which I’m re-reading right now!) Jim Logan talks about the danger of allowing negative influences into our lives, sometimes in ways that seem innocent or even “necessary” in ministry. Maybe it’s watching a certain show or hanging out with someone we know isn’t spiritually encouraging. Whatever it is, these influences build up over time and give the enemy ground in our lives. To start, think of one area where you’ve compromised. It might be letting bitterness or comparison grow or spending a little too much time scrolling on social media. Name it. Then set a boundary. Limit social media time or try starting your day with Scripture instead of emails. Each boundary pushes the enemy out of that surrendered ground. Setting aside time once a month for a “spiritual check-in” also helps. Take stock of where you’ve given up ground and ask if there’s anything you need to reclaim to stay focused on Jesus.
Living free in Christ’s authority is another game-changer. Neil Anderson’s Living Free in Christ teaches that we’re not meant to lead in fear or insecurity. But so often, we let lies dictate our actions, fearing we’re “not enough” or bound to mess up. This authority in Christ isn’t just a theological point—it’s a daily practice. We’re called to live free in His power, not shackled by doubt. Speak truth to yourself daily. Find one scripture that reminds you of your authority in Christ—2 Corinthians 10:4-5 is a great one. Repeat it every morning and whenever doubt or fear tries to creep in. If there’s a specific lie the enemy uses against you, write it down, confront it with truth, and renounce it in Jesus’ name. For example, if the lie is “I’m not qualified for this,” counter it with “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). Rather than pretending to be strong, invite Jesus into your weaknesses. When you feel fear, pause, ask Jesus to fill that space, and step forward with courage.
Leading with integrity is a powerful way to keep a clear conscience. The people we lead can sense if we’re living authentically or just going through the motions. Integrity isn’t about perfection; it’s about a commitment to keep short accounts with God and others. Make it a habit to confess and turn from sin daily. Whether it’s pride, laziness, or anger, don’t let it linger—bring it to God. Humbling ourselves to ask for feedback from trusted friends or leaders also builds integrity. Asking, “How can I lead with more integrity?” might sting, but their insights will sharpen us. And whenever we make a mistake, especially with students, owning it immediately shows humility. Apologizing if we snap or act out of character is humbling, but it models authentic faith and gives students permission to do the same.
Being a youth pastor is tough work. The world feels heavier, students face bigger battles, and the pressure to “do it all” can be intense. But God has equipped you for this, and He’s given you His strength and authority. The more you’re aware of the enemy’s tactics, the more you can guard your heart and lead with freedom and integrity.
Praying through the armor of God in Ephesians 6 each morning helps, too. Imagine yourself putting on each piece of God’s armor, starting with the belt of truth and ending with the sword of the Spirit. As you do, ask God to protect you and give you strength for the day’s battles. And don’t forget the power of accountability; find someone you trust to check in with weekly. Share your struggles, your victories, and anything that might have pulled you off course.
Leading with a clear conscience isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about leaning on the One who does. The enemy wants to wear you down, but with Christ’s strength, you can stand firm. Remember, this isn’t just for you—it’s for every student who’s looking up to you. When you guard your heart and live authentically, you give them a glimpse of Jesus’ power and love. Lead with courage; you’re not alone in the fight.
Comment below your thoughts about how the enemy gains influence in the life of a youth pastor. I would love to help you process where the evil one has influence in your life. Schedule a 1on1 coaching session and let’s begin the road to freedom.
Sheep Herding in Student Ministry
Shepherding students in ministry often feels a lot like herding sheep. There are days when they scatter in different directions, lost and confused, while other days they gather closely, needing care, guidance, and reassurance. The Bible often compares believers to sheep (John 10:11, Psalm 23), highlighting the relationship between a shepherd and their flock. For youth pastors, this role calls us to a life of compassion, patience, and devotion.
Embrace the Heart of the Shepherd
Jesus refers to Himself as the Good Shepherd in John 10:11: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” This is a powerful example of sacrificial love and leadership. Youth pastors have the opportunity to adopt the same compassion and selflessness Jesus modeled.
Sarah, a new student in our ministry had a hard time fitting in. Every event, she’d sit in the back, hoping not to be noticed. Over time, I made it a priority to connect with her one-on-one getting to know her story. Slowly, she began to open up. She needed that individual attention, much like a shepherd tending to a wounded lamb. Eventually, she became one of the most engaged members of our group. Sarah taught me that being a shepherd means noticing the ones on the fringes and being willing to pour into them.
Being a shepherd means embracing those one-on-one moments (appropriately). Jesus didn’t just minister to the crowds; He called individuals by name, knowing each of them personally.
Who in your ministry might be a “lost sheep”? You probably already know their name. How can you take steps to connect with them this week?
Lead, Don’t Drive
Sheep are unique animals—they don’t respond well to being driven. They need a shepherd who guides gently, calling them to follow rather than forcing them along. Ezekiel 34:11-12 captures God’s promise to seek out and care for His scattered sheep. Our students, like sheep, respond to leaders who walk alongside them, setting a course by example and invitation.
One year, we had a challenging group of sophomores guys who were constantly testing boundaries. My instinct was to establish stricter rules, thinking it would solve the issues. Sometimes my heart was cold toward them and didn’t want to give them the time of day. But then, I decided to try a different approach. Instead of “driving” them, I engaged them in discussions about what they wanted the group to look like. Through this process, they felt ownership, and many became leaders themselves, setting an example for others. It was amazing the transformation that happened when I gave away some leadership and gave them ownership.
Leading with compassion involves patience. When we model the behavior we want to see, students follow out of respect and connection. They feel like part of the community, not just followers.
Are there any ways you might be “driving” students instead of leading them? How can you create a culture of following by example?
Protect the Flock
A good shepherd not only guides but also protects. In 1 Peter 5:2-3, Peter urges leaders to “be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care.” This is part of the “mantel of leadership” God gives to His shepherds to spiritually (and physically) protect the flock. Sometimes, protecting students means stepping into tough conversations or setting boundaries, even when it’s uncomfortable. It means fervent prayer on a regular basis and a belief God is fighting the battle with us.
A while back, I noticed a group of students were excluding themselves from events. (Students tend to vote with their feet.) They would walk the halls instead of coming in the big room with the rest of the students. They were very dismissive with me whenever I would confront them. Instead of addressing it in a broad message, I took time to speak individually with those involved, I told them I was going to be patient with them and the door was always open. Though they resisted at first, eventually they understood. I’d like to say they came around and jumped back in, but not yet. (Yes, I have talked with their parents.) I believe this group will engage at some point but for now I’m praying fervently for them to return just waiting for the Lord to open the door even wider for them to engage. I know there is evil in this situation and my approach has been to loving communicate my expectations and hopes, pray like crazy for them and be patient. The rest of the group knows what’s going on as they are watching to see how I approach it. These tough situations sometimes mean protecting not just individuals but the overall health of the ministry.
It’s our responsibility as shepherds to guard our flock from spiritual harm, whether it’s unhealthy dynamics within the group or outside influences. Protecting our students isn’t always easy, but it’s essential to creating a safe space where they can grow in Christ.
What situations or influences might you need to protect your students from? How can you approach these conversations with wisdom and grace?
Seek the Lost
In Luke 15:4, Jesus talks about leaving the ninety-nine sheep to go after the one that is lost. This is the heart of student ministry: seeking out those who have wandered and helping them find their way back.
One of our students stopped attending after facing some tough issues at home. (Which is very common these days in student ministry.) He thought he didn’t belong and began withdrawing from everyone. After several weeks, I reached out, letting him know he was missed and offering a listening ear. A few more conversations led to his return, and he eventually shared his testimony, impacting others deeply. Sometimes, reaching out to those who are lost brings them back to a place where they can share and heal.
Youth pastors are called to pursue the students who have wandered off. This pursuit may be time-consuming and even met with resistance, but it can lead to deep transformations.
Is there a student you know who has drifted away? How might you reach out to them this week, showing them they’re still part of the “flock”?
Trust the Ultimate Shepherd
Finally, as youth pastors, we must remember that Jesus is the ultimate Shepherd, and we are simply stewards of His flock. Psalm 23:1 reminds us, “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.” Trusting in His guidance allows us to release control and recognize that He cares for these students even more than we do.
In my early days of ministry, I often felt the weight of responsibility. I was a young, pride-filled youth pastor who believe it was “all me.” But as I began to pray more fervently for my students, I realized I wasn’t meant to carry it alone. It took a water-shed conversation with the Lord at a Youth Ministry conference in 1996 to shake my pride enough for me to listen. That was a hard moment for me, but it changed my perspective on ministry and I have never forgotten it. God knows my students better than I do. There was a peace in knowing that God was already at work in their lives, often in ways I couldn’t see. I learned to trust Him to shepherd them through seasons when my influence was limited. This is a liberating and freeing moment for every youth pastor to experience.
We’re called to be faithful shepherds, but ultimately, our students are in God’s hands. Our role is to guide them to Jesus, their true Shepherd.
What burdens are you carrying in ministry that you need to surrender to God? How can you rely more on His guidance as you shepherd your students?
A Call to Shepherd with Compassion
Sheep herding in student ministry requires patience, love, and sometimes difficult conversations. It means leaving the ninety-nine to find the one, guarding the flock from harm, and leading by example. As youth pastors, we have the incredible privilege of walking alongside our students, guiding them toward the ultimate Shepherd. Let us shepherd with the heart of Jesus, offering grace, guidance, and love every step of the way.
Would love to hear your thoughts on how you Shepherd your students. Comment below.
A Day in the Life of a Youth Pastor
Do you have students come up to you occasionally and ask… “What do you do?’ Oh the mystery of the Monday through Friday pastor. I guess they think we don’t do anything but sit around and wait for them to come back to church. You and I both know there are a lot of things we do though out the week. Planning. Meeting with Pastor. Guest follow up. Room clean up and set up. And so much more.
So in a response to some of the preconceived ideas many of them have, I made a instragram reel of a typical day of a youth pastor. It was a fun exercise and enlightening to those who watched it.
Here is the fun moment… I shot the video, but one of our students edited it and formatted it for me.
What do you do during the week? What does your follow up and preparation look like? Are you spending time with your wife and kids too? Leave a comment or book a coaching session with Steve to take a deep dive in the behind the scenes look at what a youth pastor does any given day.
Youth Pastor’s Job Description
This is a scary exercise! One day I was randomly thinking, what in the world do I do? So, like any detailed person would do, I made a list. Here’s a picture of the list.
Yeah… I was feeling overwhelmed that day and to be honest this is NOT the complete list of all the things we are asked to do as a youth pastor! We carry a huge burden. It’s a struggle to keep our heads above water. I’m not so sure what the answer is other than good time management and delegation.
So how in the world do we manage to keep the ship from falling apart or worse yet, let someone down? I think the answer lies in perspective and a strong sense of God’s calling on your life. We are not good at keeping our perspective because there is typically always someone in our faces or there is another event to put together. We are also not good at keeping God’s call on our life front and center either. Why? Busyness is the destroyer of perspective and exhaustion is the distractor of calling.
I also believe the answer lies in spiritual, emotional and physical health. Yep, some call it “balance”, but I call it “harmony.” There are seasons in youth ministry. (School season, equipping season, travel season. Etc.) We need to learn the harmony of the year and seek to give ourselves grace when it’s tough. Knowing your limits and working hard to create margins for family, rest and sabbath help bring our calling and perspective back in line.
Have you made a list of all the things you’re responsible for? I would love to see it. Post a comment OR better yet schedule a time to meet with me and let’s regain our sense of perspective and calling.
First Love. Part 1.
“What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more…” These lyrics from “Haddaway” (yes, that’s a little 80s trivia for ya!) are so catchy and for most of us we can sing it at any given moment. But as you read this lyrics we feel as though this is how love ought to be.. no hurt. Everything is rosey and seems like every moment is written out of a fairy tale. Love doesn’t look like a fairytale! Really!? So, the the girls in the room have this “fairy tale” love story going through our minds and have become hopeless romantics. Love doesn’t look like this in reality. Our world has twisted and skewed the definition of love. Made it romantic and perverted. The perfect definition of love can only be found in the arms of our Father in heaven.
You would think that we will be talking about romantic love in this series… but we’re NOT! We will be talking through what it really means to love others as Christ would love them. When in conflict or “life-changing” events arise, we need to make a choice to love FIRST. When “break ups” happen, and we want to throw the boy out the window! First love… not romantically, but in an agape God love kind of way. When we hear the news of parents getting a divorce… first love! When we get cut off in traffic by an impatient little punk!! First love.
How do you respond to others in your life? Are your words filled with so much sarcasm that your friends can’t tell if your serious or not? Is your heart filled to the top with selfishness that if a stranger came into your life, you wouldn’t give them the time of day!?
First Love. God’s love was at the very beginning. The creation of the world was a motivation of His love toward us. It was His love for us he made a way to deal with the penalty of our sin. It was His love that put Jesus on the cross. It was His love for us that defines who I am and why I was created.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 (NIV)
He first loved. Love is found in Him. He is the beginning of it. His heart is where love begins. Not in the heart of man, nor in the heart of another. Love begins with Him. He first loved.
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:9-10 NIV
So convicting! This truth is taking root in my soul and creating a collision of faith!
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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