A Seasoned Response: How the Church–Family Partnership Has Shifted—and How We Can “Get It Right”
Last week a friend commented on the blog and asked me, “As a youth pastor of 30+ years, how have you seen the partnership between the church and families change over the years? And what does it look like to ‘get it right’ when you’re trying to encourage parents to emphasize the discipleship and spiritual growth of their own teenagers?”
It’s a good question!. Over the decades I’ve watched parents shift from seeing themselves as the primary disciplers of their kids to seeing the church as the main spiritual driver. They still bring their kids to services, camps, and events, but conversations about faith rarely happen at home. Many even carry a quiet sense of regret: “It’s too late for me. I’ve messed up too much to be a godly influence, but at least I can get my kids to church.” That mentality is understandable but heartbreaking, because God still wants to use parents—no matter their past—as the most significant spiritual voice in their teenagers’ lives. When that’s missing, the partnership between church and families stops feeling like a true partnership and starts feeling counterproductive.
Scripture paints a very different picture. Deuteronomy 6:5–7 (CSB) says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” God’s design has always been for parents to lead their children spiritually—not just to take them to church but to weave conversations about Him into daily life. The church was never meant to replace the home but to reinforce it.
So what does it look like to “get it right” as a youth pastor? After three decades of walking with students and families, here’s what I’ve learned:
- Be faithful to your calling. We are called to shepherd this generation, to lead them first to the feet of Jesus and then toward their families. Our role isn’t to replace parents but to walk alongside them and model what discipleship looks like.
- Clarify the partnership. Don’t assume parents understand your role or their own. Spell it out: “Here is my plan for partnering with you to help you disciple your kids.” Share resources, start conversations, and invite them into the process.
- Lead with grace and kindness. Many parents feel overwhelmed or guilty about not doing “enough.” Rather than shaming them, open doors. Encourage small, practical steps—like reading Scripture together once a week, or asking their student one spiritual question at dinner.
- Keep pointing everyone to Jesus. Parents, students, and youth workers all need the same thing: time at the feet of Christ. The healthier our own walk with Him, the better we’ll shepherd others.
When we as youth pastors stay faithful to this vision, we begin to see glimpses of what God intended—a church that supports families, families that disciple their kids, and students who grow up knowing Jesus is real not just at church but at home. That’s the partnership Scripture calls us to, and even in a culture of busy schedules and divided attention, it’s still possible when we stay patient, intentional, and prayerful.
A Word to Parents
If you’re a parent reading this, please know: you are not behind. You’re not “too late.” Your influence matters more than you realize. You don’t need a seminary degree to disciple your teenager—you just need a willing heart, a listening ear, and a desire to bring Jesus into the everyday moments. Ask a simple spiritual question at dinner. Pray together before school. Read a short passage of Scripture once a week. Small, faithful steps create a lifelong ripple effect. And as you take those steps, your church is here to walk with you, cheer for you, and pray alongside you.
What questions do you have that you would like a seasoned veteran to answer? Leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer it in the next blog post. Consider subscribing to the blog and sharing it with a friend.
A Seasoned Response: How has youth ministry changed over the past 30 years?
This blog post is real and raw. Nothing generated or fake… my honest thoughts about the state of student ministry and the role of the youth pastor. It’s the beginning of series of blog posts answering questions about student ministry from a seasoned youth pastor perspective.
I’m often asked: “How has student ministry changed over the 30 years you’ve been a part of it?” My seasoned response? A lot.
When I started out, ministry to teenagers was simpler in many ways. The biggest issues I encountered were breakups, friendship drama, or the occasional bad decision that made its way into the spotlight. Those things were important, of course, and I spent many late nights on the phone or at the local diner listening to students sort through life. But looking back, the weight that teenagers carried was lighter than what I see today.
Now, the issues pressing on students are heavier, and they come at them from all directions. I regularly sit with students battling anxiety or depression. Some are questioning their identity or trying to process a world that feels unstable. Others are drowning in loneliness while living in constant connection online. The struggles are more intense, the wounds are deeper, and the questions are harder. Fun and games are still part of ministry—and they should be—but if that’s all we offer, we are leaving students without real help for the real battles they face.
Another shift I’ve seen is in parents. Thirty years ago, most parents—whether or not they were deeply spiritual—were at least actively engaged in their children’s lives. They wanted to know who their kids were with, what they were doing, and how they were growing. These days, I find many parents are distracted, tired, or caught up in the same digital fog as their children. Smartphones and social media have stolen time, focus, and presence from the home. And yet, Scripture is clear: “Repeat [these words] to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:7, CSB). The role of teaching and modeling faith belongs first to parents, but when they disengage, the responsibility often shifts to the church in ways it was never meant to.
But perhaps the biggest change I’ve noticed is in the way churches themselves view student ministry. When I began, the expectation was that a youth pastor was, first and foremost, a shepherd. My job wasn’t just to preach or to plan; it was to know students personally, walk with them, and invest in their faith. Somewhere along the way, many churches began to prize charisma over consistency. They looked for gifted communicators who could draw a crowd, leaders who could create momentum, and personalities who could keep students entertained. Those aren’t bad qualities, but if they replace the heart of a shepherd, something essential is lost.
Jesus doesn’t describe the good shepherd as flashy. He says, “The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11, CSB). That is not a description of performance, but of presence. It’s about sacrifice, patience, and faithfulness. And Peter echoes this when he exhorts leaders: “Shepherd God’s flock among you… not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:2–3, CSB). Shepherding is relational. It’s not always noticed by the crowd, but it’s always noticed by the sheep.
I remember one student early in my ministry who constantly tested my patience. He skipped small group, acted up during teaching, and pushed boundaries every chance he got. Honestly, there were times I wanted to give up on him. But the more time I spent with him outside the church walls—at his games, grabbing a burger, or just talking after school—the more I realized that what he needed wasn’t another sermon. He needed someone to stay. Years later, he told me, “I don’t remember much of what you taught, but I remember you were there.” That is shepherding. And that is what’s in danger of being lost.
A lot has changed in student ministry over the past thirty years. The issues are bigger, the culture is louder, and the distractions are everywhere. But the calling hasn’t changed. Students still need shepherds who will walk with them through the valleys and point them to Jesus. They don’t need perfection; they need presence. They don’t need another program; they need people who love them enough to lay down their lives in service.
My seasoned response is this: student ministry looks different than it used to, but the call of the shepherd is as urgent as ever. My prayer is that God would raise up leaders who care more about faithfulness than flash, more about discipleship than numbers, and more about being with students than being noticed by the crowd. Because in the end, what will make the lasting difference is not how impressive we look but how faithfully we shepherd the flock entrusted to us.
Want to hear the answer to another question about student ministry from a seasoned youth pastor? Comment below and I’ll do my best to answer it in another blog post.
The Quiet Drift Toward Selfish Ambition
I didn’t notice it at first. It started small—snapping a quick photo of an event for the ministry page, posting a recap video after camp. No big deal, right? But then I caught myself thinking about how many likes it got. I wondered if other youth pastors would notice. Before long, the win wasn’t just about students meeting Jesus. It was about the post that followed.
Ezekiel 34 hit me in the gut the first time I read it with fresh eyes this week:
“Woe to the shepherds of Israel who have been feeding themselves! Shouldn’t the shepherds feed their flock?”
God wasn’t vague. He didn’t say, “Hey guys, just remember to balance self-care with shepherding.” No. He said woe—a word that signals serious trouble. Why? Because the people He loved were starving, and the leaders were full.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: selfish ambition in ministry doesn’t usually announce itself. It creeps in. We tell ourselves it’s about reaching more people, building influence, “expanding the Kingdom.” But underneath, there’s a part of us that wants validation, applause, maybe even envy.
And social media? It pours gas on that fire. You start measuring success by engagement instead of transformation. You feel pressure to make everything “Instagrammable,” even sacred moments that should never be staged. Slowly, the flock becomes a backdrop for our personal brand.
God’s heart for shepherds hasn’t changed. He still expects us to feed His sheep, to know their names, to sit with them in their mess. Students don’t need a celebrity; they need a shepherd who will show up when no one is watching.
If I’m honest, this isn’t just theory for me. I’ve had to ask myself hard questions:
- Would I still lead with the same passion if nobody ever saw it?
- Am I preparing messages for likes—or because students desperately need truth?
- If my platform disappeared tomorrow, would my ministry collapse?
Here’s what I know: God can raise up another shepherd in a heartbeat. I don’t want Him to look at me and say, “You were too busy feeding yourself.” I want to be found faithful, even in the hidden places.
If this stirs something in you, don’t ignore it. I’ve been there. I know how hard it is to lead with pure motives in a world that rewards performance. If you need someone to process this with, I’d love to help. Let’s set up a coaching session and work through it together.
The Prayer Life of a Youth Pastor
I’ve been reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson, and two prayer principles hit me right between the eyes: you need to pray through and you need to pray boldly.
I’ll be honest—these aren’t my strong points. I pray for my students. I pray for situations they’re facing. I pray for my own ministry. But if I’m being real, I rarely pray it through. Too often, I drop a situation at God’s feet, check it off the list, and move on to the next need. And bold prayers? I wish I could say I swing for the fences every time I talk to God, but truthfully, I often play it safe.
The problem is that safe prayers don’t require much faith. “God, help Johnny have a good day at school” isn’t bad, but it’s not bold. It’s safe. It doesn’t stretch my faith or expect God to move in ways only He can. I can’t help but wonder how many miracles I’ve missed because I stopped praying too soon—or never prayed big enough in the first place.
Batterson says that “praying through” means you keep praying until God answers—no matter how long it takes. It’s the relentless widow from Luke 18 who refuses to give up. It’s Elijah praying for rain seven times on Mount Carmel before he saw even the smallest cloud. It’s Jacob wrestling with God and saying, “I will not let You go unless You bless me.”
And “praying boldly” is about asking God to do what only He can do—dreaming God-sized dreams and daring to believe He can pull them off. It’s Joshua asking God to make the sun stand still. It’s Peter stepping out of the boat and onto the water. It’s the early church praying for Peter’s release from prison in Acts 12—and being shocked when he actually showed up at the door.
If I’m honest, my prayer life has been more “drive-thru” than “pray through.” I’ve prayed prayers like I’m ordering from a menu—quick, specific, and on to the next thing. But God is calling me (and maybe you too) to linger. To keep circling those prayers in faith until He answers.
Youth ministry is full of challenges that require more than clever ideas or better programming. Students are wrestling with anxiety, identity, temptation, and brokenness. We need God to move in their lives in ways that only He can. And that means we’ve got to start praying with a stubborn faith and a holy boldness.
So here’s my challenge to you—and to myself: Pick one situation in your ministry and pray it through. Keep circling it until God answers. And don’t be afraid to pray boldly. Ask God for the impossible. Believe He can. Then watch how your faith grows when He shows up.
The prayer life of a youth pastor isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being persistent and courageous. Let’s be leaders who refuse to give up and refuse to play it safe. Let’s pray through. Let’s pray boldly. And let’s watch God do what only He can do.
What bold prayer are you praying for? I’m in the trenches with you. Let’s change the atmosphere of our ministries one bold faith-filled prayer at a time.
Finding Your Sabbath after the Summer
Summer in youth ministry is a bit like running a marathon… but with water balloons, campfires, way too many late nights, and the occasional injury involving a dodgeball or late night antics. You’ve survived camp, mission trips, VBS, and possibly that one kid who thinks sunscreen is optional. You’ve prayed, preached, and powered through. And now, as the calendar flips and school buses start rolling again, something magical happens… life slows down—at least a little.
Here’s the thing: most youth pastors are really bad at slowing down. We think because the pace of ministry is naturally calmer in the fall, we’re “resting.” But let’s be honest—we’re just filling our calendars with new projects, meetings, and “catch-up” work we ignored during the summer chaos. If we’re not careful, we’ll move straight from summer sprint into fall hustle with no breathing room in between.
But God didn’t design you to run on fumes. He gave you Sabbath. Not as a “suggestion” or a “when I have time” spiritual luxury, but as a life-giving rhythm that keeps your soul healthy and your calling sustainable. If you want to last in ministry for the long haul, learning to work hard and rest well isn’t optional—it’s essential.
Now is the perfect time to find your Sabbath. To hit the brakes intentionally. To step back from the noise so you can hear the whisper of God again.
Sit with the Lord in Silence and Solitude
You’ve been pouring out all summer. Students have been in your face (and sometimes in your personal space) for weeks. Now it’s time to pour in. Take your Bible, a journal, and nothing else. Find a quiet place—no phone, no email, no “just five minutes to knock this out.” Just you and the Lord. Read slowly. Pray honestly. Sit in the silence until it stops feeling awkward and starts feeling holy.
Reconnect with Your Spouse
If you’re married, chances are your spouse has been carrying more than their share this summer—holding the fort while you were gone, picking up extra responsibilities, and maybe even listening to your “one more camp story” when they were ready for bed. Take them out for coffee. Go for a long walk. Ask them how they’re doing. Pray together. Laugh together. Remind yourselves that before ministry, there was marriage—and your marriage is part of your ministry.
Reconnect with Your Kids
If you have kids, they need you present—not just physically, but emotionally. They need more than “Hey, buddy” on your way out the door. They need tickle fights, bedtime stories, ice cream runs, and time where you’re not scrolling through sermon notes while they’re talking about their day. You’ve been leading everyone else’s teenagers all summer. Now’s the time to lead your own.
Reconnect with Yourself
Sometimes, ministry burns us out because we lose touch with who we are apart from it. What makes you laugh? What fills your tank? Maybe it’s fishing. Maybe it’s cooking. Maybe it’s mowing the lawn with noise-canceling headphones (no shame). Whatever it is—do it. Give yourself permission to be a human being, not just a human doing.
The Hard Truth about Burnout
Burnout doesn’t happen because of one exhausting week—it happens when we live without rest for months or years at a time. Summer ministry is supposed to be intense. That’s fine. But if every season is intense, you’re not being “faithful”—you’re being reckless with your soul. Sabbath is God’s idea because He knows we can’t keep giving without receiving.
So here’s the challenge: before you start loading up the fall calendar with events, camps, and retreats, schedule your Sabbath. Literally put it on the calendar in ink, not pencil. Block out your mornings with the Lord. Plan your days off with your family. Create space for your own heart to breathe.
You just poured yourself out for three straight months. Now it’s time to refill. Your ministry will be stronger. Your marriage will be healthier. Your soul will be at peace. And when the next season of hard work comes—and it will—you’ll be ready.
So, youth pastor, take a deep breath. Slow your pace. Find your Sabbath.
Because your calling isn’t a sprint—it’s a lifelong run. And even marathoners have to stop for water.
Let’s Walk This Out Together
If reading this made you realize how much you’ve been running on empty, you’re not alone. I work with youth pastors all the time who are passionate about ministry but struggling to find their rhythm of rest. That’s why I offer 1:1 coaching—to help leaders like you create a sustainable pace, rekindle your joy, and lead from a place of overflow instead of exhaustion.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward a healthier, more balanced ministry life, let’s connect. You can send me a message and we’ll set up a time to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there—without burning out in the process.
A Calling to Cultivate
Youth ministry is one of those ministries where there is a beginning and an end. They “grow through” your ministry. It feels temporary sometimes. These are the people we are called to shepherd. Yes, it’s full of fast paced calendars, catchy but yet inspiring messages, heavy conversations, and parent drama. But underneath all of it, there’s a deeper calling—not just to lead or to teach, but to cultivate.
To cultivate is to prepare, nurture, and protect what’s been planted. It’s slow work. Unseen work. Faithful work. You don’t always see immediate growth, but you trust that something is happening beneath the surface.
So what does it mean to cultivate a spiritual foundation in the lives of students?
It means creating environments where God’s Word is central. It means challenging surface-level faith and encouraging students to wrestle with truth. It means modeling what it looks like to walk with Jesus when life is full, stressful, confusing, or just ordinary.
It also means understanding this: our time with students is limited. At some point, they leave youth group. They graduate. They move out, get jobs, go to college, or step into adulthood in all its complexity. And that’s when the foundation we helped them build is tested.
We’re not responsible for the harvest. But we are called to prepare the soil.
How Do We Cultivate in a Way That Lasts?
Here are a few simple principles I’ve come to believe:
- Teach beyond the moment. It’s easy to preach to what they’re feeling today—but make sure you’re equipping them for what they’ll face tomorrow. Teach habits. Teach spiritual depth. Teach the whole counsel of God, not just the highlight reel.
- Focus on formation, not just attendance. It’s easy to be discouraged by small groups that feel half full or nights when the energy is low. But true formation often happens in quiet, consistent rhythms. Don’t just celebrate full rooms—celebrate faithful hearts.
- Let go of outcomes. This may be the hardest part. Sometimes you pour into a student for years and never see fruit. You wonder if it mattered. But ministry isn’t transactional—it’s transformational. And transformation rarely follows our timeline. We also need to beware of writing the story of transformation for our students, and simply allow the Lord to be the writer.
You May Not See It, But It Still Matters
If you’ve been in ministry long enough, you know the truth: not every student comes back to thank you. Many drift. Some walk away. And that can wear on your soul.
But we cultivate anyway.
Because God sees. God waters. God brings the growth—in His time, not ours.
So stay faithful. Keep planting. Keep showing up. Keep pointing students to Jesus.
Because cultivating may not be flashy, but it’s exactly what we’ve been called to do.
If you’re feeling the weight of this calling—or just wondering how to keep cultivating when the soil feels dry—I’d love to walk with you. I offer one-on-one coaching for youth pastors who need encouragement, clarity, or just someone to process ministry with. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Click here to sign up for a free coaching session and let’s take the next step together.
Helping Teenagers Navigate Conflict in the Church
Conflict in the church isn’t new. From Paul confronting Peter in Antioch (Galatians 2:11-14) to the disagreement between Paul and Barnabas (Acts 15:36-41), the New Testament is full of honest moments where even faithful followers of Jesus didn’t always see eye to eye. And while adults often wrestle with church conflict quietly or behind closed doors, teenagers experience it in real time—with open eyes, open hearts, and sometimes, open wounds.
As youth pastors and leaders, we must help teenagers not only understand conflict but learn to navigate it biblically and graciously. The way we guide them through tension in the church could determine whether they grow bitter or grow deeper in their faith.
1. Be a Calm and Christlike Presence in the Moment
When students bring you drama, tension, or gossip, your first job isn’t to fix it—it’s to listen. They don’t need your judgment or panic. They need your peace.
“A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”
— Proverbs 15:1 (CSB)
In the heat of the moment, the most powerful thing you can do is stay calm and remind them of who they are and whose they are. Ask questions that defuse, not escalate:
- “Help me understand what happened.”
- “What did you say or do in response?”
- “What would Jesus want for you in this?”
Sometimes, simply creating space for students to talk it through in a judgment-free zone brings clarity they couldn’t see in the fog of emotion.
2. Teach Them to Respond, Not React
Teenagers are wired to react emotionally. It’s our job to help them pause, pray, and process. James gives us a blueprint:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.”
— James 1:19 (NLT)
Whether it’s a friendship fight, social media post, or misunderstanding with a leader, students often want immediate resolution or retaliation. But spiritual growth happens in the space between reaction and response. Encourage them to breathe, reflect, and even journal before taking a step. Spiritual maturity is formed in those delays.
3. Model Humility and Peacemaking
Teenagers are watching how we handle disagreements behind the scenes. Do we speak with grace or grumble with resentment? Do we fight for our preferences or for unity?
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
— Matthew 5:9 (CSB)
Paul pleaded with the church in Ephesus:
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
— Ephesians 4:3 (NIV)
Don’t just teach peace—be a peacemaker. Talk openly about how you resolve tension with leaders, handle criticism with grace, or pursue hard conversations with love. Your example is one of the most powerful tools for forming emotionally healthy, spiritually grounded students.
4. Encourage Forgiveness Over Grudges
Teenagers are loyal—and sometimes that loyalty turns into bitterness. When a conflict arises, they might take sides, hold grudges, or ghost someone entirely. That’s where the gospel reshapes their response.
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
— Colossians 3:13 (NLT)
Forgiveness doesn’t excuse sin; it frees the forgiver. When helping a student deal with church conflict—especially if they’ve been genuinely hurt—remind them that Jesus isn’t asking them to pretend nothing happened. He’s asking them to trust Him with their pain and imitate His mercy.
5. Point Them to Christ, Not Just a Solution
Sometimes, you can’t “fix” the situation—and you’re not supposed to. Our job isn’t just to bring resolution, but transformation. Even when apologies don’t come or outcomes remain messy, conflict can be a sacred space where students meet Jesus.
“If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
— Romans 12:18 (CSB)
Help them see that peace doesn’t always mean perfection—it means doing everything within their power to reflect Christ. Growth often happens after the conversation, after the tears, after the dust settles. Don’t rush it. Walk with them through it.
Final Thoughts
Teenagers won’t remember every sermon you preached. But they’ll remember how you helped them navigate the hardest stuff—especially when it involved people they trusted. Church hurt can wreck a young person’s faith… or it can drive them to a deeper relationship with the God who heals.
Let’s be youth pastors who create a culture where honesty, grace, and Christlike humility define our response to conflict. Because when we teach students how to handle hard things with the love of Jesus, we don’t just keep them connected to the church—we help them grow into it.
How do you handle conflict in the church? I’m guessing that as we are talking about helping students handle their conflict, some of you may be in the middle of conflict yourselves. How can I help you? Do you need an unbiased perspective? Set up a 1:1 Coaching session and let’s pray together. (The first session is free!)
Resilience: A Calling That Stands the Test of Time
What Is Resilience? Resilience is more than just bouncing back—it’s standing firm. It’s the holy grit to keep showing up, even when ministry is hard, results are slow, and your soul feels worn thin. In a biblical sense, resilience is the enduring strength to remain steadfast in your calling despite pain, pressure, or disappointment.
It’s what Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (CSB): “We are afflicted in every way but not crushed; we are perplexed but not in despair; we are persecuted but not abandoned; we are struck down but not destroyed.”
That’s the heartbeat of resilience. It’s not the absence of struggle—it’s the presence of unwavering trust in the One who called you.
God never promised ministry would be easy. But He did promise He’d be with us in every moment. The prophet Isaiah said it like this: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” (Isaiah 43:1b-2a CSB).
Resilience isn’t a personality trait reserved for the tough—it’s a spiritual posture rooted in God’s faithfulness. It’s choosing to believe that when God calls, He also sustains.
And let’s be honest—ministry will test that belief.
There will be seasons when students ghost your small group, parents question your leadership, your team feels divided, or your own heart grows weary from pouring out more than you receive. These are the moments that reveal if we’re rooted in the applause of people or the approval of God.
So, How Do You Build Resilience in Ministry?
Here’s the truth: the secret to resilience isn’t found in better systems, stronger teams, or more creative events. Those help—but they aren’t the foundation. The secret is a steadfast personal faith in the One who called you.
Let’s break it down practically:
1. Return to the Source Daily. You can’t draw water from a dry well. Start each day not with a task list, but with time in the Word and prayer. Not to prepare a message, but to hear from God for your own soul. Your quiet time isn’t optional—it’s your lifeline. Your private devotion fuels public endurance.
2. Remind Yourself of the Call. When things get tough, go back to your calling. Write it down. Revisit the moment God invited you into ministry. What did He say? What did you feel? What Scripture anchored you then? Let that memory remind you: He chose you for this.
3. Reframe the Pain. Hard days don’t mean you’re failing—they may mean you’re growing. Don’t interpret resistance as a sign to quit. Jesus faced rejection, fatigue, betrayal, and deep sorrow. And yet, “for the joy that lay before Him, He endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2 CSB). If He didn’t run from hardship, we shouldn’t either.
4. Rest Without Guilt. Resilience isn’t about grinding until you collapse. It’s about knowing when to pull back and recover. Even Jesus withdrew to lonely places to pray (Luke 5:16). Sabbath is a command, not a suggestion. Your soul needs regular rhythms of rest.
5. Rely on the Community of Faith. You were never meant to do this alone. Find people—other pastors, trusted friends, mentors—who can speak truth into your life when you feel like giving up. Let them carry your burdens. Let them pray over you. Isolation is a fast track to burnout.
Resilience isn’t about being strong enough. It’s about being surrendered enough. Ministry will test your limits, but it will also deepen your dependence on Jesus. The longer you walk with Him, the more you’ll discover that the same God who called you is still holding you. Still sustaining you. Still working through you—even when you can’t see it.
So don’t quit.
Keep showing up.
Stand firm in your calling.
And let your resilience testify not to your strength—but to God’s.
Let chat about how you can build resilience in your calling. Schedule a coaching session. The first one is free! Let’s pray and believe together.
Recruiting Adult Leaders. Part 3
Part 3: Training and Retaining Adult Leaders for the Long Haul
So, you’ve recruited some amazing adult leaders—congrats! That’s a big win, but the work doesn’t stop there. The next step is making sure they’re set up for success and equipped to stick around for the long haul.
Training and retaining leaders is all about creating a strong foundation, providing ongoing support, and building relationships. Oh, and one more crucial piece? Ensuring everyone goes through proper safety protocols. Let’s break it all down.
Set Them Up for Success
When someone joins my team, the first thing I want them to feel is confident and prepared. Nobody wants to walk into a role where they have no idea what’s expected of them.
Here’s how I make sure my leaders feel ready:
1. Background Checks and Ministry Safety Training: This is non-negotiable. Every leader on my team goes through a thorough background check, and they’re required to complete ministry safety training like MinistrySafe. It’s all about creating a safe environment for our students and building trust with parents.
2. Share the Vision: I always take time to explain the bigger picture of our ministry. What are we trying to accomplish? How does their role fit into that? When leaders understand the “why,” they’re more motivated and confident.
3. Set Clear Expectations: From weekly commitments to boundaries with students, I lay everything out upfront. Clear expectations make it easier for leaders to feel secure in their role and avoid potential missteps.
4. Provide Initial Training: Not everyone is naturally comfortable leading small groups or building relationships with teenagers. I host training sessions to teach the basics—everything from facilitating discussions to handling tough situations.
Keep Them Supported
Even the best leaders need support to keep going. If you want your team to stay strong, you’ve got to invest in them.
Here’s what I do:
- Regular Check-Ins: I make it a point to connect with my leaders monthly. Sometimes it’s a quick text or call, and sometimes we meet for coffee. It’s not just about ministry updates—it’s about asking, “How are you doing?”
- Team Meetings: Every so often, (About once a quarter) I bring the whole team together for a meeting. It’s a great way to build community, share wins, pray for each other, and tackle challenges as a group.
- Encourage and Celebrate: Whether it’s a shoutout during a meeting, a thank-you card, or a quick “You’re doing awesome” text, I try to celebrate my leaders as often as possible. Everyone likes to feel appreciated!
Help Them Grow
Nobody wants to feel stuck or stagnant in their role. That’s why I look for ways to help my leaders grow and develop.
Some ideas:
- Take on More Responsibility: I’ll invite leaders to help plan an event, mentor a newer volunteer, or lead a meeting. It keeps things fresh and helps them feel valued.
- Offer Feedback: Constructive feedback (delivered with kindness!) is a great way to help leaders improve and feel more confident in their abilities.
Relationships Are Key
At the end of the day, retention comes down to relationships. If your leaders feel connected to you, the students, and the team, they’re way more likely to stick around. That’s why I make it a priority to invest in those relationships—it’s not just about ministry; it’s about doing life together.
Your Turn
So, how do you train and retain your leaders? What’s worked for you, and what hasn’t? I’d love to hear your tips and stories—let’s keep learning from each other!
Recruiting Adult Leaders. Part 2
Part 2: What to Look for in Adult Leaders and How to Find Them
Let’s be real: recruiting adult leaders for youth ministry is tough. It’s not just about finding people who are willing to help—it’s about finding the right people. You know, the ones who can actually connect with students and stick around long enough to make an impact.
It took me a while to figure out what I should even be looking for in a leader. Once I nailed that down, the next step was figuring out where to find them (spoiler: they’re probably closer than you think). Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.
What Makes a Great Leader?
First of all, nobody’s perfect. So if you’re holding out for that unicorn of a leader who’s funny, wise, endlessly patient, and full of energy, you might be waiting a while. Instead, focus on finding people with the right heart.
Here’s my short list of what to look for:
- Someone who loves Jesus. This is non-negotiable. They don’t have to have a theology degree, but they do need a real relationship with Jesus that they’re willing to share.
- Someone who’s real. Teenagers can smell fake from a mile away. Your leaders don’t need to be trendy or extroverted—they just need to be authentic and willing to invest in students.
- Someone who shows up. Consistency is everything in youth ministry. You need leaders who keep their word and show up when it matters.
- Someone who can roll with it. Plans change. Kids are unpredictable. A good leader can adapt and laugh it off.
- Someone safe. This is huge. Leaders need to be trustworthy and create an environment where students feel protected—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Oh, and don’t forget about diversity. Having leaders of different ages, backgrounds, and personalities makes your team stronger. Plus, it gives students more chances to connect with someone they can relate to.
Where to Find Them
Okay, so you know what you’re looking for. Now, where do you actually find these magical people?
1. Pray First: This isn’t just a cliché. God has a way of leading you to the right people. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed for leaders and then suddenly thought of someone I hadn’t considered before.
2. Ask Your Students: Teens are great at pointing out who’s already making an impact in their lives. I’ve had students suggest adults I never would’ve thought of, and they turned out to be amazing leaders.
3. Talk to Your Current Team: Your existing leaders are goldmines for referrals. They know the role, and they can spot others who would be a good fit. Bonus: they can help with the recruiting process!
4. Make It Personal: Forget the pulpit announcements. That’s easy, and many times we revert to what is easy, but you don’t just want anyone! If you want someone to join your team, talk to them one-on-one. Share your vision and explain why you think they’d be great at it. A little encouragement goes a long way.
5. Look in Unexpected Places: Some of the best leaders I’ve ever had were older adults who didn’t think they “fit the mold.” Don’t overlook people who might not seem like the obvious choice—they could surprise you.
How to Ask Without Being Awkward
Here’s the thing: recruiting is basically sales. You’re asking people to give their time and energy to something they may not fully understand. That’s why it’s so important to explain the why.
When I talk to someone about joining the team, I don’t just say, “Hey, we need help with youth group.” I tell them why I think they’d be amazing at it. I share stories about what God is doing in our ministry and how they could be a part of it. And I give them space to think it over—I’m not here to pressure anyone into saying yes.
Pro tip: If someone’s unsure, offer them a small role to start. Sometimes dipping a toe in is all it takes for someone to realize they’re all-in. I’ve gotten a lot of amazing people just by asking them to serve pizza at youth group on a Wednesday night.
Your Turn
What about you? Do you have a go-to strategy for finding leaders, or are you still trying to figure it out? Share your thoughts—I’d love to hear what’s worked (or not worked) for you. Let’s swap ideas and make this process a little easier for everyone.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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