Recruiting Adult Leaders. Part 1.
Part 1: Why Recruiting Adult Leaders Is So Challenging (and Why It’s Worth It)
If there’s one thing about youth ministry that I didn’t fully expect when I started, it’s how hard it can be to recruit adult leaders. I mean, it’s not like people are banging down the doors to sign up. And honestly, I get it—most people feel like they don’t fit the mold, or they’re worried about the time commitment.
Still, adult leaders are absolutely essential for a thriving youth ministry. So even though it’s one of the hardest parts of the job, I keep pushing through. And you know what? It’s totally worth it.
Why Is It So Tough to Find Leaders?
Let me paint a picture for you: I spot someone in the congregation who I think would make an amazing youth leader. I approach them after church, share the vision, and ask if they’d consider joining the team. Nine times out of ten, I get some version of this response:
• “Oh, no, I’m not cool enough to work with teens!”
• “I’m so busy; I just don’t have the time.”
• “Teenagers scare me.”
Sound familiar? It happens all the time. And I get it—working with teenagers can seem intimidating. Plus, there’s this stereotype that youth ministry is all about being young, trendy, and full of endless energy. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Here’s the thing: students don’t need someone who’s “cool.” They need someone who’s consistent. They want adults who show up, care about them, and are willing to listen. That’s it.
Another big challenge is the way people view youth ministry. A lot of folks think it’s just about organizing games or chaperoning events. What they don’t realize is that youth ministry is about relationships, discipleship, and helping students grow in their faith. It’s way more meaningful than it looks on the surface—but getting people to see that can take some work.
Why I Keep Going
As frustrating as recruiting can be, I’ve learned that it’s worth sticking with it. Watching adult leaders step into these roles and thrive is one of the coolest parts of my job. I’ve seen people go from “I don’t think I can do this” to “Wow, God is using me in ways I never imagined.”
And the impact on students? Incredible. A good leader can be a rock for students during one of the most chaotic times in their lives. They don’t have to have all the answers—they just need to be present. That consistency and care can make all the difference in a teenager’s life.
What About You?
So yeah, recruiting adult leaders isn’t easy, but I promise it’s worth the effort. If you’ve been in the trenches of recruiting, what’s been the hardest part for you? Or better yet, what’s worked for you? Let’s share ideas and help each other out—I’d love to hear your story! Comment below OR if you need some advice about your specific context, consider signing up for a 1on1 coaching session.
Stay tuned for Part 2 in this Recruiting Adult Leaders series.
How to Guard Your Heart from Disappointment
What I’ve Learned from Burnout, Heartache, and Holding On
There was a season in ministry where I hit a wall. Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I was worn down—burned out, really. I found myself frustrated, not just by the schedule or the pressure, but by something deeper: disappointment.
I was investing my heart and soul into students. Showing up, listening, praying, teaching, texting, encouraging—giving them everything I had. And still, they made choices that wrecked me.
A kid I discipled for years stopped coming to church. Another one got caught lying. One jumped into a relationship that was clearly unhealthy. And honestly, I thought to myself more than once:
“It would have been better if you just listened to me in the first place.”
I started to feel like a failure. I questioned whether I was actually making a difference. The spiritual weight I was carrying wasn’t mine to carry, but I couldn’t let it go. If you’ve been there, I get it.
So how do we keep our hearts soft and faithful when disappointment hits hard and often? Here are five things I’ve had to learn—sometimes the hard way—so that I could keep going and keep loving students well.
1. I Had to Get the Right Perspective on Spiritual Growth
I expected too much too soon. I confused spiritual knowledge with spiritual maturity, and I got discouraged when students knew the right answers but still made reckless decisions.
But God reminded me—growth is a process. And sanctification is slow. Teenagers are still figuring out who they are, let alone how to follow Jesus with consistency. They’re going to fall. They’re going to forget. They’re going to stumble.
My role isn’t to make them perfect; it’s to walk with them as they figure it out.
2. I Needed to Believe in the End of the Story
I was getting stuck in the middle of students’ stories and assuming it was the ending. I saw their bad choices as final chapters, instead of plot twists in a much longer narrative.
But God sees the whole picture.
The same kid who barely paid attention last year might be leading worship in college. The one who made a mess of their testimony might be the one who helps others rebuild theirs.
I had to start saying, “God’s not done yet,”—not just out loud, but deep in my own heart.
3. I Had to Learn to Pray with Hope
There’s a big difference between venting in prayer and interceding in hope. I did a lot of the first. But the Lord invited me to do more of the second.
When I stopped begging God to “fix them” and started asking Him to form them, my prayers changed. I started praying with expectation instead of just praying out of exhaustion.
And something shifted in me—I started believing again that prayer actually matters.
4. I Needed to Remember: I’m Not the Author
This one hit hard. I was living like I was responsible for every spiritual outcome in my ministry. Every backslide felt personal. Every dropout felt like a failure.
But I’m not the author of their story. God is.
I’m not their Savior. I’m not the Holy Spirit. I’m a guide, a voice, a shepherd. That’s it.
When I finally accepted that my role was obedience—not results—I started sleeping better. My joy came back. My shoulders dropped. And I found peace in simply being faithful.
5. I Had to Start Celebrating Progress, Not Perfection
I was missing the wins. Not the big ones—the salvations or the big baptisms—but the little ones.
A student who started bringing their Bible. A girl who actually sang during worship for the first time. A guy who shared something real in small group instead of hiding behind jokes.
I had to start looking for and celebrating those little indicators of growth. It helped me stay encouraged and kept me from overlooking what God was already doing.
Final Word: Guarded, Not Hardened
When I say “guard your heart,” I don’t mean shut it down or stop caring. I mean tend to it, like a garden. Protect it from bitterness. Water it with truth. Expose it to hope.
I’ve learned that disappointment is part of ministry—but it doesn’t have to define it. When I trust that God is the One writing each student’s story, I can keep showing up, keep loving well, and keep hoping no matter what.
So if you’re feeling that weight right now—if you’re frustrated, heartbroken, or on the edge of burnout—hear me: You are not alone. You are not failing. And God is still working—more than you can see.
Thinking Deeply and Asking Real Questions:
- Where are you carrying spiritual weight that’s not yours to carry?
- Is there a student you’ve written off that you need to start believing for again?
- Which of these five areas needs your attention this week?
This blog post is deeply personal. It’s “real talk.” Not real sure you’re gonna read any like this one. I would LOVE this opportunity to listen to your story. To reflect together on how not guarding your heart can lead to burnout. I would be honored to pray with you about keeping your passion for ministry. Schedule a 1:1 Coaching session. The first one is free… and only $50 after that. We can meet as often as you like.
I’m mindful of you and praying for all of us to guard our hearts well.
Student Discipleship: Building a Simple Strategy for Your Youth Ministry
Discipleship isn’t a program you plug in—it’s a culture you create. As youth pastors, our mission is more than creating fun events or engaging lessons. We’re called to make disciples of Jesus who grow deep roots, bear fruit, and multiply their faith. But how do we move from sporadic spiritual growth to a consistent, intentional discipleship strategy that actually sticks?
Here’s a practical guide to help you build a discipleship strategy that is both simple and challenging—one that transforms students and equips your adult leaders to do the same.
1. Clarify the Win: What Is a Disciple?
Before organizing anything, define what a “disciple” looks like in your context. Jesus gives us a clear picture in Luke 9:23:
“If anyone wants to follow after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.” (CSB)
A disciple:
- Denies themselves (surrenders to Christ),
- Takes up their cross (lives with purpose and sacrifice),
- Follows Jesus daily (walks in obedience and relationship).
Use this as your discipleship target. Every Bible study, retreat, and small group should move students toward this definition.
2. Organize Around Relationships, Not Just Content
Discipleship happens best in relationships—not just classrooms. Start with small groups. These are the backbone of relational discipleship. Aim for:
- Gender-specific groups (especially for deeper accountability),
- 4–6 students per group,
- One (or Two) adult leaders committed to spiritual growth, not just attendance.
Meet weekly or bi-weekly, ideally outside of your main youth night. Think living rooms, coffee shops, or even Zoom when needed. The goal: create space for real-life conversation, questions, Scripture discussion, and prayer.
3. Equip Adult Leaders to Be Disciple Makers
Your small group leaders aren’t chaperones—they’re disciple-makers. Many of them want to make an impact but just don’t know how. That’s where your training comes in.
Here’s a simple training framework:
- Vision – Explain why discipleship matters (Matthew 28:19–20).
- Tools – Teach them how to lead spiritual conversations, ask good questions, and model prayer.
- Support – Check in monthly. Share wins. Provide coaching. Celebrate stories.
Equip your leaders before you expect them to lead students. Give them confidence, tools, and ongoing encouragement.
4. Choose Resources That Lead to Reproduction
The win isn’t just helping students grow—it’s helping them become disciple-makers themselves. (I’ve included links to many of these resources below.)
LifeWay’s “Disciples Path” is a solid starting point. The six-volume series walks students through foundational truths in a reproducible way. Each lesson includes Scripture, reflection, and discussion questions—easy for leaders and deep for students.
Replicate Ministries also offers the Foundations 260 Reading Plan, designed to help students read the Bible consistently, memorize key verses, and journal using the HEAR method (Highlight, Explain, Apply, Respond). This creates a repeatable method students can eventually use to disciple others.
YM360 has a ton of amazing discipleship lessons. Full of creative and challenging lessons for your groups to walk through together.
5. Don’t Forget the Big Picture: Culture Eats Curriculum
The best discipleship strategy will fall flat if your ministry culture doesn’t support it. So ask:
- Are my weekly gatherings calling students into deeper relationship with Jesus?
- Do my adult leaders model a life of following Jesus beyond Sundays and Wednesdays?
- Is our ministry more focused on attendance or transformation?
Culture shifts slowly, but intentionally. Start with one group. Train one leader. Celebrate one story. Then build from there.
This is not rocket science and there really is no “secret formula.”
Discipleship won’t happen overnight, but it will happen if you’re consistent. Begin with a clear target. Build small, relational groups. Equip your leaders with resources and vision. And create a culture where knowing Jesus and making Him known is the goal.
Jesus didn’t call us to grow ministries. He called us to make disciples.
Recommended Resources: There are other resources for content and curriculum, these are some of what I’ve used lately.
LifeWay Students Resources
Replicate Ministries
YM360
I would love to hear from you. How do you get students into disciple making environments? What sort of process or entry pathways do you have to get students into these groups? How long do your group run? What content do you make available for your leaders? Comment below.
Practical Ministry Helps : Equipping Leaders to Counsel Students at Camp
Summer camp is more than games, lake time, and late-night snacks—it’s often the setting where students hear God’s voice the loudest. As hearts soften and distractions fade, decisions are made that will shape a student’s life forever. Some will trust Christ for the first time. Others will open up about hidden pain they’ve carried for years. Still others will feel called to ministry, healed from bitterness, or stirred to live more boldly in their faith.
And when that moment comes—when a student turns to you, eyes brimming with emotion—will you be ready? Will your volunteers?
Here’s a guide to help you and your leaders step into these sacred moments with confidence, care, and clarity.
1. Stay Present, Stay Calm
Your presence matters more than your words. Whether a student is weeping over sin, opening up about abuse, or asking how to follow Jesus, your calm, compassionate presence sets the tone.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” — Romans 12:15 (CSB)
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be there. Listen. Nod. Pray silently as they talk.
Quick Tip for Leaders:
Coach your team to resist the urge to rush in with advice. The goal is to listen well before responding.
2. Leading a Student to Christ
There is no greater privilege than walking someone through salvation. When a student says they want to give their life to Jesus, here’s a simple way to guide them:
- Clarify: Ask what they understand about salvation. Make sure they know it’s not about trying harder, but trusting Jesus as Lord and Savior.
- Explain the Gospel Simply:
- God made us to know Him.
- REPENT: Our sin separates us from Him.
- BELIEVE: Jesus died and rose to make a way back.
- RECEIVE: We respond by turning from sin and trusting in Jesus.
- Romans Road:
- Romans 3:23 – All have sinned.
- Romans 6:23 – The wages of sin is death.
- Romans 5:8 – Christ died for us.
- Romans 10:9-10 – Confess and believe to be saved.
- Pray Together: Let them talk to God in their own words. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Don’t forget to celebrate, affirm, and tell them: “This is the beginning, not the end.”
3. When Students Share Deep Emotional Pain
Some students will share experiences of abuse, depression, self-harm, or family trauma. These are moments that require sensitivity and wisdom.
What to Do:
- Listen First: Don’t interrupt. Let them talk.
- Believe Them: If a student shares about abuse, take it seriously.
- Be Clear About Confidentiality: Say something like, “I care about you and want to help. I may need to share this with someone who can help us take the next steps.”
- Report: If a student discloses abuse, you are legally and biblically responsible to report it to the appropriate authority or your camp director immediately.
- Don’t Counsel Alone: Bring in another trusted adult if needed. Always follow your camp and church’s child protection policy.
“Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” — Proverbs 15:22 (CSB)
4. Equip Your Volunteers
Not every volunteer will feel ready, but every volunteer can be equipped.
Here’s a simple pre-camp checklist to prepare your team:
- ✅ Train them on listening skills and spiritual conversations.
- ✅ Practice how to walk a student through salvation.
- ✅ Review how to handle a mandatory report of abuse.
- ✅ Give them a short response guide (printable card or phone note) to use when talking with students.
- ✅ Assign a point person (you or a trained adult) for any serious situations.
Encourage them that their role is not to fix, but to walk with students toward Jesus.
5. Plan for Follow-Up
Camp ends, but discipleship begins.
- Document Decisions: Keep track of each student’s spiritual decision or counseling moment.
- Tell Their Parents (as appropriate): Celebrate salvations, and sensitively loop in parents where needed.
- Connect Them to a Mentor: Pair students with a trusted adult for ongoing conversations.
- Publicly Celebrate (with permission): Baptism, testimony videos, or sharing at youth group helps solidify the decision.
- Keep Checking In: Plan a 2-week, 1-month, and 3-month follow-up for each student.
“Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” — Galatians 6:9 (CSB)
Final Encouragement:
Camp counseling isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being faithful with the moment you’ve been given. Your quiet presence, your humble listening, and your Spirit-led response can lead to someone’s forever being changed.
So youth pastor, take a breath. Pray for wisdom. Train your team. And get ready.
God’s about to move—and He’s invited you to be part of the story.
I would love to hear some of the strategies you use to equip yourself and your volunteers for this moment at camp. Comment below.
Not Just Another Summer: Leading with Purpose, Not Pressure
I’ve been doing summer youth ministry for over 30 years, and if there’s one thing I know, it’s this: summer is a sprint. A really hot, fast, unpredictable sprint. Students are out of school, schedules open up, and the pressure starts building to fill the calendar. I’ve lived through the mindset that if they’re free, I’ve got to plan something. But here’s the truth I’ve learned—just because students are available doesn’t mean it’s my job to fill every square on the calendar.
The goal isn’t to be busy. The goal is to be purposeful. Yes, summer is a unique time to connect with students, build momentum, and go deep—but it doesn’t mean we need to run nonstop. Camps, mission trips, pool parties, late-night hangouts—these things matter, and they can change lives. But don’t fall into the trap of just putting events on the calendar to say you did something. Ministry is more than motion—it’s about meaning.
Here are a few hot takes I’ve picked up along the way to help you stay fresh and faithful through the chaos of summer:
1. Depend on your relationship with the Lord.
Everything starts here. I’ve found that when my personal walk with Jesus is strong, I’m not just surviving the summer—I’m thriving in it. My devotion time isn’t optional—it’s essential. Ministry from overflow beats ministry from exhaustion every time.
2. Get plenty of sleep.
I know that sounds simple, but I’ve had to learn this the hard way. When I treat sleep like a luxury, I pay for it later. You can’t lead well on fumes. Rest is a gift, and getting enough of it keeps you sharper, kinder, and more Spirit-led.
3. Don’t go it alone—use your team.
I’ve done summers where I tried to carry it all myself, and I’ve done summers where I actually let my team lead. Guess which one went better? Volunteers want to help—give them the chance. Delegate clearly and let others take ownership. It’s not weakness—it’s wisdom.
4. Have fun.
Don’t forget to laugh. Play games, join in the messy stuff, and let yourself enjoy the chaos. The memories you make when you’re fully present with students are often the ones that stick the longest—for them and for you.
5. Set boundaries with your time.
You don’t need to be at everything. You’re allowed to say no. Protect your day off, spend time with your family, and give yourself space to breathe. Boundaries are what keep your calling sustainable—not something that threatens it.
Summer ministry can be one of the richest times in a student’s life—and in yours, too. But it only works if you approach it with purpose, not pressure. After 30+ summers, I’m still learning. But I’ve seen enough to know that when I walk closely with Jesus, lead with intention, and take care of my soul, summer becomes more than just busy. It becomes beautiful.
Let’s go!!!
Got questions or comments about how you navigate the summer? Lets chat. Comment below or set up a free coaching session today.
When the Dove Flies Away: What Removes God’s Anointing from Our Ministry
I recently read RT Kendall’s book The Anointing, and there was one image that won’t let go of me. He talks about the Holy Spirit like a dove—gentle, sensitive, easily grieved. And when He is grieved… He leaves. Not because He doesn’t love us, but because His presence cannot abide where sin is tolerated or pride is entertained.
That image wrecked me.
Because if I’m honest, there have been moments in ministry when I’ve operated more in talent than in anointing. When I’ve leaned more on what I could do than who God is. When I’ve mistaken applause for approval and giftedness for godliness.
And I’m convinced now—more than ever—that it’s possible to run an effective ministry while grieving the very Spirit who empowers it.
The Warning of Saul
King Saul is the cautionary tale for all of us in leadership. Chosen. Anointed. Used by God. And yet… dismissed. Not because he didn’t lead people or win battles. Not because he didn’t have moments of greatness. But because he chose himself over obedience. He feared man more than he feared God. He grasped for control when waiting on God required humility. And the anointing lifted.
The Spirit left Saul… and he didn’t even realize it. That’s the part that scares me most.
What Removes the Anointing?
This isn’t an exhaustive list—but these are a few things that grieve the Spirit and slowly, subtly, cause the dove to fly:
- Pride: When we begin to believe we are the reason for the ministry’s success, we’re on dangerous ground. Pride is the sin that got Satan thrown from heaven—and it’s still the enemy’s favorite way to sabotage a leader. God opposes the proud. Not ignores. Opposes.
- Unrepentant Sin: Private compromises eventually have public consequences. If we’re tolerating sin in secret, we are trading away the anointing for something far cheaper.
- Fear of Man: When our decisions are driven by pleasing people rather than obeying God, we can find ourselves out of step with the Spirit. The applause of people is a terrible substitute for the presence of God.
- Neglect of the Secret Place: You can’t carry public anointing without private surrender. Ministry without intimacy becomes performance.
- Bitterness and Unforgiveness: Holding onto wounds—even ones that feel justified—can poison the well of the Spirit’s flow in your life. The anointing can’t rest on a heart hardened by offense.
But Here’s the Hope…
Even though the dove is easily grieved, He is also eager to return. God doesn’t give up on us. He didn’t reject David when he sinned. Why? Because David was quick to repent. He grieved his sin more than he grieved being caught. He longed not just for forgiveness—but for restoration.
“Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.” (Psalm 51:11 CSB)
That’s the heart cry of someone who understands how precious the anointing really is.
A Fresh Wind is Available
If you’ve been leading from empty, striving instead of abiding, managing instead of ministering—it’s not too late. Lay down your pride. Confess your sin. Step back into the secret place. Choose obedience over image. Let God break your heart again. The anointing isn’t earned—but it is stewarded.
And when the dove returns… everything changes.
Reflection Questions for Youth Pastors:
Seriously, if you’ve made it this far in the blog this topic has peaked your interest. I want to help you process it and seek the Lord for His anointing over your life and ministry. Here are 5 “yes or no” questions to help you discover if you are ministering in dependence on the Spirit or your own pride.
- Am I more dependent on my skill or on the Spirit in my daily ministry?
- Is there any area of unrepentant sin in my life that I’ve justified or ignored?
- Have I exchanged intimacy with God for productivity for God?
- What fear or insecurity is driving my decisions more than obedience?
- Do I long for the presence of God more than the platform of ministry?
Let’s Talk About It
If this post struck something in you—if you feel the weight of leading while weary or the ache of ministry without anointing—I want to invite you to take a next step. You don’t have to figure it out alone. I’ve been there, and I’d love to help you walk toward renewal and deeper surrender.
Visit the Coaching Page and sign up for a time to talk. No pressure. First session is free. Just a conversation to help you take your next step toward leading from a place of anointing, not just ability.
Because your calling matters. And the presence of God on your life is worth everything.
Here’s an Amazon link to RT Kendall’s book. The Anointing: Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
Managing the Weight of Expectations in Youth Ministry
Ministry can feel like a tug-of-war between calling and expectations.
We stepped into youth ministry because we love Jesus and want teenagers to know Him. But somewhere along the way, the pressure starts stacking up. Parents want communication and results. Students want fun and authenticity. Senior pastors want growth and alignment. And we want to be faithful—but we also want to stay sane.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly falling short—like there’s always someone who needs more than you can give—you’re not alone. And you’re not failing.
You’re simply feeling the weight of expectations. The real question is: How do we carry that weight without it crushing us?
1. Recognize the Pressure Without Owning All of It
You don’t have to make a spreadsheet of every expectation you think people have of you. That’s not helpful—and it’s not healthy. I’ve done that before!
Instead, start by simply acknowledging that the pressure is real. You’re serving a wide range of people, all with different needs, perspectives, and hopes. Some will speak up. Others will stay silent. But their expectations still hang in the air. And that can get heavy fast.
Rather than trying to meet every need, ask God to help you focus on what matters most in this season.
2. Be Honest About What’s Reasonable
You’re not Jesus. You’re not a machine. You’re not a miracle worker. You’re a minister, called by God, and equipped for the work He’s assigned you to do—not someone else’s version of success.
You can’t be everywhere. You won’t please everyone. And that’s okay.
A fair expectation allows you to love students well, lead with integrity, and maintain a healthy life. An unfair expectation demands more than you were created to give. Give yourself permission to acknowledge that difference—with grace, not guilt.
3. Communicate What You Can Give
People don’t need perfection from you—they just need clarity.
Keep parents in the loop. Let your pastor know where your heart is and how you’re pacing yourself. Build a culture of grace in your team by being honest about your priorities and capacity.
The more you proactively communicate the “why” behind your plans and boundaries, the less space there is for confusion or criticism.
You don’t have to defend yourself—you just need to keep the conversation open.
4. Stay Anchored to the Voice That Matters Most
The expectations of people can be loud. But the voice of God is still, calm, and steady.
Spend time listening to Him. Not just preparing your next message, but letting Him remind you who you are. Loved. Called. Enough.
Ministry gets distorted when we start working for approval instead of from identity. Stay close to the Shepherd. He doesn’t drive you with shame—He leads you with peace.
5. Get the Right Support Around You
You can’t do this alone. Every great leader needs space to process, rest, and recalibrate.
That’s why I’ve created Fresh Calling. I offer one-on-one coaching for youth pastors who want to lead from a healthy place and build ministries that last. Whether you’re in a good season or a hard one, I’d love to walk alongside you.
Visit the Fresh Calling Coaching Page to explore coaching options and take a next step toward sustainable, joy-filled ministry.
And as a free resource to help you process expectations in a life-giving way, download our Managing Expectations Worksheet. It’s simple, thoughtful, and designed to help you find peace in the middle of the pressure.
When Your Own Kid Sits in the Room
This blog post comes at a time in our family’s life full of emotion. Our youngest daughter is finishing high school this week. It’s a bittersweet moment for us. I’m thinking back over the past 22 years of parenting our kids and thinking how they have impacted my life and my ministry. So allow me to just encourage you to think deeply with me about how having our own kids in our ministry changes us in the best way possible.
The night everything changed… I’ll never forget it.
It was a regular Wednesday night—until it wasn’t. I stood to preach, Bible in hand, message ready, students settling in. But as I scanned the room, my eyes landed on someone new. Not a first-time guest. Not a leader.
My oldest daughter, sitting quietly in a chair under the same lights where I’ve preached a hundred times. She had just moved out of kids ministry and she was in 6th grade. And in that moment, everything changed.
It wasn’t fear or pressure—it was perspective.
It’s Different When It’s Your Kid
I’ve always taken teaching seriously. I want every student to hear truth, feel seen, and be drawn closer to Jesus. But when your own kid is sitting there—soaking up the same message as the rest—it hits differently.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just thinking about sermon points and illustrations. I was thinking, What is she really hearing?
Is this just clear? Or is it personal?
Would I still say this if it was just her in the room?
And then came the biggest question: Do I live what I’m about to say?
Because when your kid is in the room, there’s no pretending. They know the behind-the-scenes. They’ve seen you stressed. They’ve heard your tone at home. They’re not impressed by polished words—they’re watching for lived-out truth.
Preaching Like a Parent
That night shifted something in me. I started preaching like a dad.
I still prepared like a pastor—still studied, still wrestled with the text, still wanted it to connect. But now, my filter had changed. I asked, Would this help my daughter love Jesus more? Would it challenge her heart, not just her behavior? Is this something I’d want her to remember in college, or on a lonely night, or in a hard friendship?
Preaching like a parent doesn’t water down the gospel—it brings it to life.
The Hidden Gift in the Front Row
Not every pastor gets the chance to minister to their own child. It’s a sacred, sometimes fragile, always humbling gift. If you’re there right now—if your kid is in the room, or coming soon—don’t miss the moment.
Let it soften your heart. Let it shape your tone. Let it remind you that every student is someone’s kid—and that someone is praying they meet Jesus here.
And when your kid asks a question about your message later… or stays quiet but keeps showing up… or challenges something you said with bold teenager honesty—that’s not disrespect. That’s discipleship.
It’ll Change You—in the Best Way
Having your kid in your ministry will keep you honest. It’ll drive you to your knees. It might even wreck your outline sometimes. But it will also make you better.
Because suddenly, you’re not just preaching to students.
You’re preaching for your own.
And that will sharpen your voice, tender your heart, and renew your purpose in ways you never expected.
If you’re navigating the wild, wonderful, and sometimes awkward reality of having your kids in your ministry, you don’t have to figure it all out alone. Visit the Fresh Calling Coaching Page for encouragement, strategy, and someone who gets it. Let’s walk this journey together.
Because when your own kid sits in the room… everything changes. And that’s a beautiful thing.
How to Let Your Kids Know You Love Them More Than Ministry
Because your first calling isn’t your calendar—it’s your kids.
Ministry is sacred work—but so is bedtime. So is cheering from the bleachers. So is just being present when your teenager starts opening up at 10:38 p.m. (when you were two minutes from crashing). If we’re not intentional, our own kids—who didn’t choose this life of late-night texts and Sunday-night events—can end up feeling like they live in ministry’s shadow.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can absolutely thrive in ministry and show your kids they’re your favorite calling.
Before I jump in to these 5 ways to show your kids you love them, it’s imperative you have a conversation with your spouse about these things. They need to have input and give feedback to help you shape your actions and intentions. Most of the time your spouse will have deeper insight in to helping you love your kids more than ministry.
Here are 5 ways to make sure they know:
1. Book Their Moments before the Ministry
Block it. Schedule it. Protect it. Add your kid’s game, art show, birthday breakfast, or after-school coffee to your calendar before the staff meetings and retreat prep. When you calendar their lives first, you show them “You don’t have to compete for my attention—you already have it.”
2. Create a “Ministry-Free Zone” at Home
Designate sacred spaces or times where ministry talk is off-limits. Maybe it’s dinner. Maybe it’s the first 30 minutes when you walk through the door. Maybe it’s Sunday night movies or Saturday morning pancakes. Your kids deserve a version of you that’s not constantly “on call.” These moments whisper, “You matter beyond my role at church.”
3. Answer the Knock (Even When It’s Late)
Teenagers rarely open up on our timeline. When they knock—literally or emotionally—open the door. Be interruptible. Those moments often become the holy ground where trust is built and hearts are heard. When you pause for them, you prove they’re more important than your sermon draft or scroll time.
4. Let Them Join, But Don’t Make Them Juggle
Invite your kids into parts of your ministry life—but don’t hand them the weight of it. Let them help decorate the youth room or hand out snacks. Let them see you love what you do. But protect them from the behind-the-scenes stress. They need a front-row seat to your joy, not your burdens.
5. Say the Words (Even If They Roll Their Eyes)
“I love being your dad.” “You’re more important than anything I do at church.” “You’re my favorite ministry.” Don’t assume they know—say it out loud, often. Even if they shrug or make a face, those words settle deep. And when your actions line up with your words? That’s when they believe it.
Bonus:
Make Rest a Family Tradition
Create a Sabbath rhythm that isn’t just for you—it’s for your whole family. No phones, no ministry talk, just breathing room. Rest together. Play together. Worship together. These moments are memory-makers, and they teach your kids how to value soul-care in a world that glorifies hustle. For us, it’s the time between Thanksgiving and New Years. Lots of family memories during those months!
You don’t have to choose between being a great parent and a faithful pastor. But you do have to be intentional.
If you’re wrestling with how to live that balance, you’re not alone. I’d love to help you process, plan, and protect your priorities. Visit the Fresh Calling Coaching Page for personalized coaching that helps you lead from a place of peace—and parent from a place of joy.
Your ministry is important. But your legacy starts at home. And remember, it’s not about equal time (50/50) it about harmony.
Five Ways to Honor Your Wife (Spouse) and Practice Effective Ministry at the Same Time
Let’s be honest—ministry is hard. It’s beautiful, rewarding, and full of purpose, but it can also be a grind. And if we’re not careful, the very thing we’re called to can start pulling us away from the person we promised to love and cherish for life. I’ve lived in that tension—trying to balance leading students, attending every event, answering every text, and still trying to be a present, loving husband.
It’s easy to think we have to choose between honoring our wife and being effective in ministry. But I’m learning that the two actually go hand in hand. In fact, I believe the health of our marriage fuels the health of our ministry. So here are five ways I’m trying to live that out—and maybe they’ll help you too:
1. Don’t give her your leftovers.
I used to give the best of my time and energy to students and volunteers, and then come home completely drained. That’s not honoring. Now, I plan my week so that she gets prime time—whether that’s a date night, slow breakfast together, or just sitting on the couch without a phone in my hand. When she feels seen and valued, ministry actually feels lighter.
2. Let her into your world.
Ministry can get messy—spiritual battles, heavy conversations, leadership stress. Instead of bottling that up, I invite her into it. She’s not just my wife; she’s my teammate. When I let her pray with me, speak into tough decisions, or celebrate a ministry win, she feels like she’s in it with me. And she is.
3. Say “no” more often.
Saying yes to every ministry opportunity means saying no to your marriage more than you realize. I’ve had to learn the hard way that healthy boundaries honor both God and my wife. Missing a student event to attend her thing isn’t failure—it’s faithfulness.
4. Pray together, often.
This one sounds simple, but it’s powerful. When we pray together, bitterness softens, walls fall, and we remember we’re not enemies—we’re on the same team. Even if it’s just for a few minutes before bed, praying with her realigns my heart in a big way.
5. Brag on her in public.
Honor her in front of students. Talk about how much you love her to your leaders. Post something about her on your socials that isn’t just for a birthday or anniversary. Speak life over her in front of others—it builds her up and sets a tone for the kind of marriage your students will see and aspire to.
If you’re in a season where ministry is thriving but your marriage is hurting—or where bitterness has crept in—I get it. But I promise you this: honoring your wife isn’t a threat to your calling. It’s the very thing that gives your ministry long-term credibility and fruit.
You’re not just called to lead well—you’re called to love well. Start there.
If you could use some encouragement, accountability, or just someone to help you reset, I’d love to walk alongside you. Visit freshcalling.org to book a coaching session—we’re here to help you thrive in both ministry and marriage.
Recommended Resources:
- You and Me Forever by Francis & Lisa Chan
- Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
- The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler
- Cherish by Gary Thomas
- Replenish by Lance Witt (for soul care in leadership)
Let’s be the kind of leaders whose homes preach the gospel just as loudly as our messages.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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