Leading from the second (or third) chair.

The thoughts and principles here come from years of being in the “second or third chair.” I’ve walked the road of learning how to lead well while not being the one making the final decisions. There are plenty of great books I’d recommend that dive deeper into this topic—Lead by Paul David Tripp, The 360-Degree Leader by John Maxwell, and How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge by Clay Scroggins—but for now, I just want to share some advice from my own experience.

I remember the first time I sat in a staff meeting as a youth pastor. I was young, full of ideas, and convinced that if everyone would just listen to me, the church would instantly thrive. But it didn’t take long for reality to hit—youth ministry is often a support role, not the lead role. I wasn’t making the big decisions. I didn’t set the vision for the church. I wasn’t the final authority. And honestly, that was a tough pill to swallow.

If you’ve been in student ministry for any length of time, you know this feeling. We work hard, pour into students, and dream big, yet we operate under the leadership of a senior pastor, elders, or a church board. Whether you serve in a healthy church or one with its challenges, there will be moments when you don’t agree with leadership or when you feel unseen. So how do we lead well when we’re not in charge?

Be Grace-Filled

Church leadership is hard. I used to think senior pastors had it easy—until I saw the weight they carry. Decisions aren’t made in a vacuum; there are budgets, people, and long-term vision to consider. Instead of growing frustrated, we need to give grace. Maybe that decision you don’t love has layers you don’t see. Maybe that meeting that felt dismissive wasn’t personal. The more grace you extend, the more you’ll find yourself at peace in your role. We have to believe the best of leadership because if we don’t bitterness sets in.

Honor Even When You Disagree

Disagreements will happen. Maybe you wish your budget was bigger, or your ministry was prioritized differently. Maybe you have theological or philosophical differences with leadership. But how we handle those disagreements matters. Honor doesn’t mean blind agreement, but it does mean choosing respect. Instead of gossiping to volunteers or venting on social media, have direct conversations. Bring your concerns with a posture of humility, not entitlement. The way you handle disagreements will either build trust or break it.

Stay Humble by “Dying to Self”

Ministry isn’t about us. It’s about Jesus. And that means daily dying to our own pride, preferences, and ego. I’ve had to learn that my best ideas aren’t always the right ones, and sometimes I need to step back and submit to the bigger picture. Humility isn’t weakness—it’s strength under control. When we choose humility, we create a culture where students, volunteers, and staff members see Christ, not our personal ambitions.

Seek Relationship to Foster Understanding

It’s easy to critique leadership from a distance, but have you built a relationship with them? Take your pastor to lunch. Ask about their story, their calling, their struggles. When you seek to understand instead of assuming the worst, you’ll often find more common ground than you expect. Strong relationships lead to trust, and trust leads to influence. The more you invest in relationship, the more your voice will carry weight when it matters.

Communicate Up

Don’t assume your pastor knows what’s happening in your ministry. If you only communicate when there’s a problem, you’re missing an opportunity. Be intentional about sending updates, sharing wins, and asking for input. Schedule check-ins. Send a quick email celebrating what God is doing in students’ lives. Good communication builds confidence in your leadership and reminds those above you that student ministry is a vital part of the church’s mission.

Simply Do Your Job

At the end of the day, the best way to lead when you’re not in charge is to be faithful with what you’ve been given. Show up. Love students. Equip leaders. Preach the gospel. Be consistent. Faithfulness over time builds credibility, and credibility opens doors. Your role may be a supporting one, but that doesn’t mean it’s insignificant. The kingdom of God isn’t built by titles or positions—it’s built by servants who simply do the work.

So lead well, even when you’re not in charge. Love your pastor. Honor your leadership. Stay humble. Keep serving. And trust that in God’s perfect timing, your faithfulness will bear fruit.

I get it, being a youth pastor and feeling like you have no influence in the direction of the church is frustrating. Many of you are stuck here. I’d like to help. Shoot me an email or comment. Let’s pray together and believe together about your context and cultivate ways to lead effectively.