Recruiting Adult Leaders. Part 1.
Part 1: Why Recruiting Adult Leaders Is So Challenging (and Why It’s Worth It)
If there’s one thing about youth ministry that I didn’t fully expect when I started, it’s how hard it can be to recruit adult leaders. I mean, it’s not like people are banging down the doors to sign up. And honestly, I get it—most people feel like they don’t fit the mold, or they’re worried about the time commitment.
Still, adult leaders are absolutely essential for a thriving youth ministry. So even though it’s one of the hardest parts of the job, I keep pushing through. And you know what? It’s totally worth it.
Why Is It So Tough to Find Leaders?
Let me paint a picture for you: I spot someone in the congregation who I think would make an amazing youth leader. I approach them after church, share the vision, and ask if they’d consider joining the team. Nine times out of ten, I get some version of this response:
• “Oh, no, I’m not cool enough to work with teens!”
• “I’m so busy; I just don’t have the time.”
• “Teenagers scare me.”
Sound familiar? It happens all the time. And I get it—working with teenagers can seem intimidating. Plus, there’s this stereotype that youth ministry is all about being young, trendy, and full of endless energy. That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Here’s the thing: students don’t need someone who’s “cool.” They need someone who’s consistent. They want adults who show up, care about them, and are willing to listen. That’s it.
Another big challenge is the way people view youth ministry. A lot of folks think it’s just about organizing games or chaperoning events. What they don’t realize is that youth ministry is about relationships, discipleship, and helping students grow in their faith. It’s way more meaningful than it looks on the surface—but getting people to see that can take some work.
Why I Keep Going
As frustrating as recruiting can be, I’ve learned that it’s worth sticking with it. Watching adult leaders step into these roles and thrive is one of the coolest parts of my job. I’ve seen people go from “I don’t think I can do this” to “Wow, God is using me in ways I never imagined.”
And the impact on students? Incredible. A good leader can be a rock for students during one of the most chaotic times in their lives. They don’t have to have all the answers—they just need to be present. That consistency and care can make all the difference in a teenager’s life.
What About You?
So yeah, recruiting adult leaders isn’t easy, but I promise it’s worth the effort. If you’ve been in the trenches of recruiting, what’s been the hardest part for you? Or better yet, what’s worked for you? Let’s share ideas and help each other out—I’d love to hear your story! Comment below OR if you need some advice about your specific context, consider signing up for a 1on1 coaching session.
Stay tuned for Part 2 in this Recruiting Adult Leaders series.
How to Guard Your Heart from Disappointment
What I’ve Learned from Burnout, Heartache, and Holding On
There was a season in ministry where I hit a wall. Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I was worn down—burned out, really. I found myself frustrated, not just by the schedule or the pressure, but by something deeper: disappointment.
I was investing my heart and soul into students. Showing up, listening, praying, teaching, texting, encouraging—giving them everything I had. And still, they made choices that wrecked me.
A kid I discipled for years stopped coming to church. Another one got caught lying. One jumped into a relationship that was clearly unhealthy. And honestly, I thought to myself more than once:
“It would have been better if you just listened to me in the first place.”
I started to feel like a failure. I questioned whether I was actually making a difference. The spiritual weight I was carrying wasn’t mine to carry, but I couldn’t let it go. If you’ve been there, I get it.
So how do we keep our hearts soft and faithful when disappointment hits hard and often? Here are five things I’ve had to learn—sometimes the hard way—so that I could keep going and keep loving students well.
1. I Had to Get the Right Perspective on Spiritual Growth
I expected too much too soon. I confused spiritual knowledge with spiritual maturity, and I got discouraged when students knew the right answers but still made reckless decisions.
But God reminded me—growth is a process. And sanctification is slow. Teenagers are still figuring out who they are, let alone how to follow Jesus with consistency. They’re going to fall. They’re going to forget. They’re going to stumble.
My role isn’t to make them perfect; it’s to walk with them as they figure it out.
2. I Needed to Believe in the End of the Story
I was getting stuck in the middle of students’ stories and assuming it was the ending. I saw their bad choices as final chapters, instead of plot twists in a much longer narrative.
But God sees the whole picture.
The same kid who barely paid attention last year might be leading worship in college. The one who made a mess of their testimony might be the one who helps others rebuild theirs.
I had to start saying, “God’s not done yet,”—not just out loud, but deep in my own heart.
3. I Had to Learn to Pray with Hope
There’s a big difference between venting in prayer and interceding in hope. I did a lot of the first. But the Lord invited me to do more of the second.
When I stopped begging God to “fix them” and started asking Him to form them, my prayers changed. I started praying with expectation instead of just praying out of exhaustion.
And something shifted in me—I started believing again that prayer actually matters.
4. I Needed to Remember: I’m Not the Author
This one hit hard. I was living like I was responsible for every spiritual outcome in my ministry. Every backslide felt personal. Every dropout felt like a failure.
But I’m not the author of their story. God is.
I’m not their Savior. I’m not the Holy Spirit. I’m a guide, a voice, a shepherd. That’s it.
When I finally accepted that my role was obedience—not results—I started sleeping better. My joy came back. My shoulders dropped. And I found peace in simply being faithful.
5. I Had to Start Celebrating Progress, Not Perfection
I was missing the wins. Not the big ones—the salvations or the big baptisms—but the little ones.
A student who started bringing their Bible. A girl who actually sang during worship for the first time. A guy who shared something real in small group instead of hiding behind jokes.
I had to start looking for and celebrating those little indicators of growth. It helped me stay encouraged and kept me from overlooking what God was already doing.
Final Word: Guarded, Not Hardened
When I say “guard your heart,” I don’t mean shut it down or stop caring. I mean tend to it, like a garden. Protect it from bitterness. Water it with truth. Expose it to hope.
I’ve learned that disappointment is part of ministry—but it doesn’t have to define it. When I trust that God is the One writing each student’s story, I can keep showing up, keep loving well, and keep hoping no matter what.
So if you’re feeling that weight right now—if you’re frustrated, heartbroken, or on the edge of burnout—hear me: You are not alone. You are not failing. And God is still working—more than you can see.
Thinking Deeply and Asking Real Questions:
- Where are you carrying spiritual weight that’s not yours to carry?
- Is there a student you’ve written off that you need to start believing for again?
- Which of these five areas needs your attention this week?
This blog post is deeply personal. It’s “real talk.” Not real sure you’re gonna read any like this one. I would LOVE this opportunity to listen to your story. To reflect together on how not guarding your heart can lead to burnout. I would be honored to pray with you about keeping your passion for ministry. Schedule a 1:1 Coaching session. The first one is free… and only $50 after that. We can meet as often as you like.
I’m mindful of you and praying for all of us to guard our hearts well.
Student Discipleship: Building a Simple Strategy for Your Youth Ministry
Discipleship isn’t a program you plug in—it’s a culture you create. As youth pastors, our mission is more than creating fun events or engaging lessons. We’re called to make disciples of Jesus who grow deep roots, bear fruit, and multiply their faith. But how do we move from sporadic spiritual growth to a consistent, intentional discipleship strategy that actually sticks?
Here’s a practical guide to help you build a discipleship strategy that is both simple and challenging—one that transforms students and equips your adult leaders to do the same.
1. Clarify the Win: What Is a Disciple?
Before organizing anything, define what a “disciple” looks like in your context. Jesus gives us a clear picture in Luke 9:23:
“If anyone wants to follow after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me.” (CSB)
A disciple:
- Denies themselves (surrenders to Christ),
- Takes up their cross (lives with purpose and sacrifice),
- Follows Jesus daily (walks in obedience and relationship).
Use this as your discipleship target. Every Bible study, retreat, and small group should move students toward this definition.
2. Organize Around Relationships, Not Just Content
Discipleship happens best in relationships—not just classrooms. Start with small groups. These are the backbone of relational discipleship. Aim for:
- Gender-specific groups (especially for deeper accountability),
- 4–6 students per group,
- One (or Two) adult leaders committed to spiritual growth, not just attendance.
Meet weekly or bi-weekly, ideally outside of your main youth night. Think living rooms, coffee shops, or even Zoom when needed. The goal: create space for real-life conversation, questions, Scripture discussion, and prayer.
3. Equip Adult Leaders to Be Disciple Makers
Your small group leaders aren’t chaperones—they’re disciple-makers. Many of them want to make an impact but just don’t know how. That’s where your training comes in.
Here’s a simple training framework:
- Vision – Explain why discipleship matters (Matthew 28:19–20).
- Tools – Teach them how to lead spiritual conversations, ask good questions, and model prayer.
- Support – Check in monthly. Share wins. Provide coaching. Celebrate stories.
Equip your leaders before you expect them to lead students. Give them confidence, tools, and ongoing encouragement.
4. Choose Resources That Lead to Reproduction
The win isn’t just helping students grow—it’s helping them become disciple-makers themselves. (I’ve included links to many of these resources below.)
LifeWay’s “Disciples Path” is a solid starting point. The six-volume series walks students through foundational truths in a reproducible way. Each lesson includes Scripture, reflection, and discussion questions—easy for leaders and deep for students.
Replicate Ministries also offers the Foundations 260 Reading Plan, designed to help students read the Bible consistently, memorize key verses, and journal using the HEAR method (Highlight, Explain, Apply, Respond). This creates a repeatable method students can eventually use to disciple others.
YM360 has a ton of amazing discipleship lessons. Full of creative and challenging lessons for your groups to walk through together.
5. Don’t Forget the Big Picture: Culture Eats Curriculum
The best discipleship strategy will fall flat if your ministry culture doesn’t support it. So ask:
- Are my weekly gatherings calling students into deeper relationship with Jesus?
- Do my adult leaders model a life of following Jesus beyond Sundays and Wednesdays?
- Is our ministry more focused on attendance or transformation?
Culture shifts slowly, but intentionally. Start with one group. Train one leader. Celebrate one story. Then build from there.
This is not rocket science and there really is no “secret formula.”
Discipleship won’t happen overnight, but it will happen if you’re consistent. Begin with a clear target. Build small, relational groups. Equip your leaders with resources and vision. And create a culture where knowing Jesus and making Him known is the goal.
Jesus didn’t call us to grow ministries. He called us to make disciples.
Recommended Resources: There are other resources for content and curriculum, these are some of what I’ve used lately.
LifeWay Students Resources
Replicate Ministries
YM360
I would love to hear from you. How do you get students into disciple making environments? What sort of process or entry pathways do you have to get students into these groups? How long do your group run? What content do you make available for your leaders? Comment below.
Practical Ministry Helps : Equipping Leaders to Counsel Students at Camp
Summer camp is more than games, lake time, and late-night snacks—it’s often the setting where students hear God’s voice the loudest. As hearts soften and distractions fade, decisions are made that will shape a student’s life forever. Some will trust Christ for the first time. Others will open up about hidden pain they’ve carried for years. Still others will feel called to ministry, healed from bitterness, or stirred to live more boldly in their faith.
And when that moment comes—when a student turns to you, eyes brimming with emotion—will you be ready? Will your volunteers?
Here’s a guide to help you and your leaders step into these sacred moments with confidence, care, and clarity.
1. Stay Present, Stay Calm
Your presence matters more than your words. Whether a student is weeping over sin, opening up about abuse, or asking how to follow Jesus, your calm, compassionate presence sets the tone.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” — Romans 12:15 (CSB)
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be there. Listen. Nod. Pray silently as they talk.
Quick Tip for Leaders:
Coach your team to resist the urge to rush in with advice. The goal is to listen well before responding.
2. Leading a Student to Christ
There is no greater privilege than walking someone through salvation. When a student says they want to give their life to Jesus, here’s a simple way to guide them:
- Clarify: Ask what they understand about salvation. Make sure they know it’s not about trying harder, but trusting Jesus as Lord and Savior.
- Explain the Gospel Simply:
- God made us to know Him.
- REPENT: Our sin separates us from Him.
- BELIEVE: Jesus died and rose to make a way back.
- RECEIVE: We respond by turning from sin and trusting in Jesus.
- Romans Road:
- Romans 3:23 – All have sinned.
- Romans 6:23 – The wages of sin is death.
- Romans 5:8 – Christ died for us.
- Romans 10:9-10 – Confess and believe to be saved.
- Pray Together: Let them talk to God in their own words. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
Don’t forget to celebrate, affirm, and tell them: “This is the beginning, not the end.”
3. When Students Share Deep Emotional Pain
Some students will share experiences of abuse, depression, self-harm, or family trauma. These are moments that require sensitivity and wisdom.
What to Do:
- Listen First: Don’t interrupt. Let them talk.
- Believe Them: If a student shares about abuse, take it seriously.
- Be Clear About Confidentiality: Say something like, “I care about you and want to help. I may need to share this with someone who can help us take the next steps.”
- Report: If a student discloses abuse, you are legally and biblically responsible to report it to the appropriate authority or your camp director immediately.
- Don’t Counsel Alone: Bring in another trusted adult if needed. Always follow your camp and church’s child protection policy.
“Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” — Proverbs 15:22 (CSB)
4. Equip Your Volunteers
Not every volunteer will feel ready, but every volunteer can be equipped.
Here’s a simple pre-camp checklist to prepare your team:
- ✅ Train them on listening skills and spiritual conversations.
- ✅ Practice how to walk a student through salvation.
- ✅ Review how to handle a mandatory report of abuse.
- ✅ Give them a short response guide (printable card or phone note) to use when talking with students.
- ✅ Assign a point person (you or a trained adult) for any serious situations.
Encourage them that their role is not to fix, but to walk with students toward Jesus.
5. Plan for Follow-Up
Camp ends, but discipleship begins.
- Document Decisions: Keep track of each student’s spiritual decision or counseling moment.
- Tell Their Parents (as appropriate): Celebrate salvations, and sensitively loop in parents where needed.
- Connect Them to a Mentor: Pair students with a trusted adult for ongoing conversations.
- Publicly Celebrate (with permission): Baptism, testimony videos, or sharing at youth group helps solidify the decision.
- Keep Checking In: Plan a 2-week, 1-month, and 3-month follow-up for each student.
“Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” — Galatians 6:9 (CSB)
Final Encouragement:
Camp counseling isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about being faithful with the moment you’ve been given. Your quiet presence, your humble listening, and your Spirit-led response can lead to someone’s forever being changed.
So youth pastor, take a breath. Pray for wisdom. Train your team. And get ready.
God’s about to move—and He’s invited you to be part of the story.
I would love to hear some of the strategies you use to equip yourself and your volunteers for this moment at camp. Comment below.
Time keeps slipping away…
Three tips that have helped give me perspective on how to manage my time wisely.
“Does your week manage you, or do you manage your week?”
That’s a question I’ve had to ask myself a lot over the years. If you’re a youth pastor, you already know—the work never stops. There’s always another Sunday to plan for, another Wednesday night message to prep, a fellowship event around the corner, or some last-minute crisis that drops into your lap like a bowling ball. We pour ourselves into creating meaningful moments for our students, but somewhere along the way, it starts to feel like our time is no longer ours.
I’ve lived in that crazy, non-stop loop—where every minute feels packed, and every week feels like it’s managing me, not the other way around. But I’ve learned (and am still learning) how to manage my time with intentionality, purpose, and a whole lot of grace. So if you’re finding yourself out of breath and barely hanging on, I hope these few tips help you like they’ve helped me.
1. Plan it, but hold it loosely.
Every Monday morning, I sit down and map out my week. I block off time for sermon prep, student meetings, leadership development, and family. I try to give each part of my week the attention it deserves and enter the week with a sense of direction.
But then…the phone rings. A student is in crisis. A parent needs to talk. A volunteer can’t make it. You know the drill.
Early on, this used to throw me into panic mode. I’d get frustrated because my “perfect plan” was interrupted. But now, I’ve learned to plan intentionally but hold the plan with open hands. Ministry is fluid. Flexibility is part of the calling. Just because your day doesn’t go exactly how you scheduled it doesn’t mean it wasn’t productive or purposeful. God’s interruptions are often the most meaningful moments in our week.
2. Take a breath.
No, really—breathe.
Once a week, I try to find a quiet corner of my world (usually before the office opens or after my house quiets down), and I ask a simple question in prayer: “God, how do You want to use my time this week?”
It’s amazing how that re-centers me. Instead of rushing into my to-do list, I’m reminded that my schedule is a spiritual tool, not just a productivity checklist. When we take time to think and pray through our time, we become more available—not just physically, but spiritually—to the people God places in our path.
3. Zoom out: Avoid momentary thinking.
It’s so easy to live just in the “next thing”—the next event, next game night, next teaching series. But if we live in constant momentary thinking, we never develop long-term strategy. We just survive.
Managing time well means asking not just, “What’s next?” but “What matters?”
What are you doing this month that helps your students grow in Christ long-term? What are you building in your leaders that will last? What are you investing in personally that keeps you fresh?
Zooming out reminds us that we’re not just running programs—we’re planting seeds that will grow over time. And seeds need margin, thought, and time to be cultivated well.
Fresh for the long haul.
I’m convinced of this: If we can learn the spiritual discipline of managing our time well, we’ll stay fresh in ministry for the long haul.
Burnout often doesn’t come from just “too much work.” It comes from constantly reacting to life instead of leading with purpose. Time is one of the greatest gifts God gives us, and how we steward it says a lot about who (and what) we trust.
So let’s flip the script.
Let’s stop letting our weeks manage us. Let’s put Jesus back in the center of our schedules. Let’s lead our time instead of chasing it. Ministry will still be messy, and interruptions will still come—but with a little bit of margin, some honest prayer, and a whole lot of grace, we can thrive in the middle of it all.
You’ve got this, friend. And more importantly—God’s got you.
Take a Moment to Reflect:
- When was the last time I invited God into my calendar?
- What parts of my week tend to overwhelm me the most?
- What are three things I say “yes” to that I might need to prayerfully reconsider?
- Where am I leaving room for margin—and where am I not?
- Am I building for the long haul or just surviving the week?
- What one small change could I make this week to steward my time better?
I’d love to hear from you—how do you manage your time in the chaos of student ministry? Drop a comment below and share what’s worked for you (or what you’re still wrestling with). And if you’re feeling stuck or just need someone to process your schedule and rhythms with, I’d love to help. You can schedule a free 1-on-1 coaching session with me where we’ll talk through practical ways to stay healthy, lead intentionally, and make space for what matters most. You don’t have to do this alone.
Let’s keep leading well—together.
Learning to lead at home and at church!
I took some time this morning rewriting a previous blog I wrote last fall. “Ministry and Family. Is there such a thing as balance.” I’ve updated it and added some more insights I believe can help the struggling youth pastor navigate the family and ministry. (Pretty sure this is going to be an ongoing conversation.)
I mean I was rockin’ and rollin’ in student ministry during my younger years! I was young, newly married, and living the “dual income, no kids” lifestyle! Students were engaged, ministry was growing, and I thought to myself… “Man, I’ve got this!”
You’ve heard the phrase “pride goes before the fall.” Well, I heard it in the dead of night—from my wife.
Sometime later, things in ministry were cruising. My wife had just given birth to our firstborn, and when we came home from the hospital, I just kept on rockin’ and rollin’. The ministry needed my enthusiasm and energy. It needed the best of me—all the time.
This went on for a month or two, until one night after a long day of ministry, I came home late. Shelley was already in bed with the lights out. I got ready for bed, crawled in, and in the dead of night I heard a simple cry: “I miss you.”
My heart sank. The Lord used that simple three-word phrase to strike a heavy blow to my pride. She was right. In my youthfulness and pride, I made ministry more important than my family.
Ministry—especially youth ministry—has a way of doing that. The rockstar mentality. The “everything revolves around me” trap. The “everything will fall apart if I’m not in it” voice that whispers to our soul. We may never say those things out loud for fear of sounding prideful, but we certainly live them more often than we want to admit.
But our families need us too. Especially when our kids are little. And here’s the tricky part: if we’re not careful, we can swing the pendulum too far in the other direction—ignoring the ministry God has called us to out of guilt or frustration.
So where’s the middle ground?
Here’s my theory: We put so much pressure on performance and not enough on relationship.
Performance says, “You’re not doing enough. Try harder. Please people.”
Relationship says, “Let’s just sit and enjoy this moment together.”
Performance is fuel for perfection and managing expectations.
Relationship is thoughtful and intentional.
Performance is toxic and never-ending.
Relationship is eternal and life-giving.
(You see what I’m getting at.)
Ministry is relationships. Not performance.
Family is rooted in relationship. Not performance.
When we have the right perspective, it brings clarity to our time and our energy. Yes, our family may need to learn to “let go of daddy” for a short time. And yes, the ministry may need to learn to let go of “youth pastor Steve” on some nights too. But there is a harmony to discover. A rhythm where we love our family well and lead our students well.
And I’ll say it again—this is not a 50/50 equation. Harmony isn’t always equal parts. It’s more like a song. Some notes hold longer than others, but they work together to create something beautiful.
Let’s Talk About the “You Should Be There” Trap
There’s another false narrative that creeps into our minds as youth pastors—it’s the one no one says out loud, but we hear it loud and clear: “You should be there.”
A student has a big game. A school concert. A play. A graduation party. A baptism at Grandma’s church. And in our deep sense of pastoral duty—and maybe our pride—we convince ourselves we have to show up to every single one. That’s what good youth pastors do, right?
But here’s the truth: nobody told you that you have to be at everything. Those expectations? They’re usually perceived, not prescribed. And when you have a spouse and little ones at home, those extra hours out start to pull on the very people God’s entrusted you to lead first.
Let me be clear—go to some events! Be present where you can. Cheer your students on. Let them know you see them. But you don’t have to be everywhere. Your ministry isn’t going to crumble if you miss a soccer game. And your student isn’t going to walk away from the faith because you didn’t make it to their school play.
What they will notice is whether or not you’re whole. Whether you’re emotionally present. Whether your home life is thriving.
So go to some events. But not all. Prioritize presence over pressure.
The Marriage Tension We Don’t Talk About Enough
This tension between ministry and home doesn’t just affect your schedule—it impacts your marriage. If you’re married, the balance between church and home isn’t something you can figure out on your own and hope your spouse just goes along with it. It requires honest conversations, consistent check-ins, and humble leadership.
Youth pastor, you need to be the one who initiates those conversations. Don’t wait until your spouse is in tears or fed up. Ask the questions. Seek understanding. Talk about what your schedule looks like. Make space for your spouse to speak freely about how it feels when you’re gone four nights in a row. And then—listen. Really listen.
Communication is key. But so is effort. Your spouse doesn’t just need a conversation—they need your help at home. They need your presence, your partnership, and your willingness to step in with the kids, the meals, the bedtime routines, the dishes, all of it. Ministry starts at home. Don’t sacrifice your marriage on the altar of your calling. God never asked you to do that.
Rhythms That Help
I’ve had to learn—and still am learning—some rhythms that help keep this harmony in check. Here are a few practical things that have made a difference for me:
- Put family nights on your calendar first. If it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen.
- Share the load with volunteers. You don’t have to be the hero. Let others step up.
- Invite your family into ministry moments—and honor the times they need to stay out of them.
- Learn to say no without feeling guilty.
- Let go of the false belief that everything depends on you. It doesn’t. And that’s actually good news.
Ministry isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about surrender. It’s about trusting God with your family and your flock, and remembering that you’re not their Savior—He is.
So youth pastor, keep going. Keep growing. Keep pursuing harmony over hustle. Because when your heart is healthy, your home and your ministry will follow.
Genuinely, I’m here to help. I’d love to partner with you to find harmony is navigating your home life and your calling. Shoot me an email or set up a 1on1 coaching session. Comment below what you think are more helpful tips in navigating the harmony of home and ministry.
Leading from the second (or third) chair.
The thoughts and principles here come from years of being in the “second or third chair.” I’ve walked the road of learning how to lead well while not being the one making the final decisions. There are plenty of great books I’d recommend that dive deeper into this topic—Lead by Paul David Tripp, The 360-Degree Leader by John Maxwell, and How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge by Clay Scroggins—but for now, I just want to share some advice from my own experience.
I remember the first time I sat in a staff meeting as a youth pastor. I was young, full of ideas, and convinced that if everyone would just listen to me, the church would instantly thrive. But it didn’t take long for reality to hit—youth ministry is often a support role, not the lead role. I wasn’t making the big decisions. I didn’t set the vision for the church. I wasn’t the final authority. And honestly, that was a tough pill to swallow.
If you’ve been in student ministry for any length of time, you know this feeling. We work hard, pour into students, and dream big, yet we operate under the leadership of a senior pastor, elders, or a church board. Whether you serve in a healthy church or one with its challenges, there will be moments when you don’t agree with leadership or when you feel unseen. So how do we lead well when we’re not in charge?
Be Grace-Filled
Church leadership is hard. I used to think senior pastors had it easy—until I saw the weight they carry. Decisions aren’t made in a vacuum; there are budgets, people, and long-term vision to consider. Instead of growing frustrated, we need to give grace. Maybe that decision you don’t love has layers you don’t see. Maybe that meeting that felt dismissive wasn’t personal. The more grace you extend, the more you’ll find yourself at peace in your role. We have to believe the best of leadership because if we don’t bitterness sets in.
Honor Even When You Disagree
Disagreements will happen. Maybe you wish your budget was bigger, or your ministry was prioritized differently. Maybe you have theological or philosophical differences with leadership. But how we handle those disagreements matters. Honor doesn’t mean blind agreement, but it does mean choosing respect. Instead of gossiping to volunteers or venting on social media, have direct conversations. Bring your concerns with a posture of humility, not entitlement. The way you handle disagreements will either build trust or break it.
Stay Humble by “Dying to Self”
Ministry isn’t about us. It’s about Jesus. And that means daily dying to our own pride, preferences, and ego. I’ve had to learn that my best ideas aren’t always the right ones, and sometimes I need to step back and submit to the bigger picture. Humility isn’t weakness—it’s strength under control. When we choose humility, we create a culture where students, volunteers, and staff members see Christ, not our personal ambitions.
Seek Relationship to Foster Understanding
It’s easy to critique leadership from a distance, but have you built a relationship with them? Take your pastor to lunch. Ask about their story, their calling, their struggles. When you seek to understand instead of assuming the worst, you’ll often find more common ground than you expect. Strong relationships lead to trust, and trust leads to influence. The more you invest in relationship, the more your voice will carry weight when it matters.
Communicate Up
Don’t assume your pastor knows what’s happening in your ministry. If you only communicate when there’s a problem, you’re missing an opportunity. Be intentional about sending updates, sharing wins, and asking for input. Schedule check-ins. Send a quick email celebrating what God is doing in students’ lives. Good communication builds confidence in your leadership and reminds those above you that student ministry is a vital part of the church’s mission.
Simply Do Your Job
At the end of the day, the best way to lead when you’re not in charge is to be faithful with what you’ve been given. Show up. Love students. Equip leaders. Preach the gospel. Be consistent. Faithfulness over time builds credibility, and credibility opens doors. Your role may be a supporting one, but that doesn’t mean it’s insignificant. The kingdom of God isn’t built by titles or positions—it’s built by servants who simply do the work.
So lead well, even when you’re not in charge. Love your pastor. Honor your leadership. Stay humble. Keep serving. And trust that in God’s perfect timing, your faithfulness will bear fruit.
I get it, being a youth pastor and feeling like you have no influence in the direction of the church is frustrating. Many of you are stuck here. I’d like to help. Shoot me an email or comment. Let’s pray together and believe together about your context and cultivate ways to lead effectively.
Developing your “Why”
Every youth pastor and ministry leader needs a clear philosophy of ministry—a guiding framework that keeps their purpose, passions, and practices aligned with God’s calling. Without one, it’s easy to drift from one event to the next, missing the bigger picture of why we do what we do. Developing a philosophy of ministry requires intentional reflection on Biblical priorities, personal passions, church alignment, and measurable goals. Here’s how to craft yours. (I’ve also included a downloadable worksheet in this blog post.)
Consider the Basics: Biblical Priorities
Ministry isn’t built on personal preference or trendy programming; it’s grounded in timeless Biblical truths. The five foundational aspects of church ministry found in Acts 2 should shape every decision and direction:
- Worship – Are you leading students to encounter and respond to God with their lives?
- Discipleship – Are students growing deeper in their faith, learning to walk as Jesus did?
- Fellowship – Is your ministry fostering a biblical community where students belong and grow together?
- Missions – Are you mobilizing students to serve others and take the gospel beyond their comfort zones?
- Evangelism – Are lost students hearing the gospel and being invited to follow Jesus? Are your students equipped to share the gospel personally?
A solid philosophy of ministry ensures that every program, event, and small group points students toward these biblical priorities.
Consider Your Passions: What Lights Your Fire?
God has wired you uniquely for ministry. Your burdens, joys, and deepest convictions shape how you lead. Maybe you’re passionate about discipleship and long to see students own their faith. Perhaps evangelism fuels you, and you want your ministry to be an outreach movement.
Identifying your passion helps refine your ministry approach. While we’re all called to the full breadth of ministry, our specific burdens can help us focus energy on areas where we’ll be most effective. Ask yourself:
- What aspect of ministry makes me feel most alive?
- When have I seen the greatest impact in students’ lives?
- What keeps me up at night when I think about this generation?
Let these passions guide your philosophy of ministry and shape your leadership.
Consider Your Church’s Vision and Content
Ministry isn’t done in isolation. Your student ministry should operate under the greater vision and mission of your church. Does your church have a vision frame or overarching theme? Are there specific values or strategies they emphasize?
Stepping under the church’s philosophy ensures unity and alignment. It also provides clarity and direction as you shape your ministry’s culture. Rather than working independently, strong ministry leaders take the church’s vision and contextualize it for their specific audience.
If your church values community engagement, how does that shape your youth ministry? If discipleship is a core emphasis, how do you structure small groups and mentorship? A clear philosophy of ministry works in harmony with the church’s overall mission.
Consider Your Goals and Objectives
A strong philosophy of ministry doesn’t just focus on the present—it looks ahead. Where do you want your students to be in one year? Five years? When they graduate? Consider these dimensions:
- Spiritually – What do you want students to know, believe, and live out?
- Emotionally – How will your ministry address mental health, identity, and resilience?
- Physically – What environments and experiences will help shape students holistically?
Set clear objectives that align with your ministry philosophy. For example, if your passion is discipleship, your goal might be to have every student connected to a mentor by the end of the year. If evangelism is your heartbeat, you might aim for every student to share their faith with at least one friend. Tangible goals keep your philosophy actionable.
Crafting Your Statement
After reflecting on these aspects, it’s time to summarize your philosophy of ministry in a clear, concise statement. This statement should capture your heart for ministry and serve as a guiding compass. For example:
- “To glorify God with my life and ministry, and lead others to do the same.”
- “To disciple students in such a way that they grow in faith, live on mission, and make an impact for Christ.”
- “To create a student ministry where every teenager is known, loved, and challenged to follow Jesus.”
Your philosophy of ministry isn’t just a statement on paper; it’s a framework that influences every aspect of your leadership. As you develop and refine yours, let it shape the way you lead, plan, and invest in the students God has entrusted to you. When your ministry has a clear “why,” everything else falls into place.
FREE RESOURCE: Developing Your Personal Ministry Philosophy Worksheet.
Click to download a worksheet to help you craft your personal ministry statement.
I’d encourage you to start by writing in your journal the answers to some of these questions. Allow the exercise to help shape your “why.” If you need some help talking through it, I’d love to help. Shoot me an email at steve@freshcalling.org or leave a comment.
Rookie Youth Pastors should NEVER do this!
I remember stepping into my first youth pastor role with a mix of excitement and terror. I had big ideas, a passion for students, and a confidence that I was ready to change the world. Looking back, I wish someone had sat me down and given me a friendly but firm reality check. So if you’re in your first couple of years of youth ministry, consider this that conversation. Here are three things I learned the hard way—three things NOT to do.
1. Don’t Believe You Know It All
When you’re young and fresh in ministry, it’s easy to think you’ve got it all figured out. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, took some youth ministry classes in college and you’re pumped to do things differently than the last guy. But let me tell you—humility goes a long way.
I remember planning an event and assuming I had every detail covered. Turns out, I didn’t even think about things like parent communication, budget approval, or the fact that the church calendar already had another event booked for the same night. Rookie mistake. My pastor kindly pulled me aside and said, “Hey, it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to prove anything.” He taught me the “5 P’s” of event planning. (Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance) That was a game-changer and I still use his advice today 30 years later.
So, stay teachable. Ask questions. Seek wisdom from those who have been in the game longer than you. The best youth pastors aren’t the ones who think they have all the answers—they’re the ones who keep learning and growing.
2. Don’t Neglect the Parents and Adults Who Support You
When I first got into youth ministry, I thought my job was all about the students. And while that’s obviously a huge part of it, I quickly realized something: parents and adult leaders are just as important to my success.
If parents don’t trust you, they won’t support what you’re doing. If adult leaders feel ignored or undervalued, they won’t stick around. And trust me, you NEED them.
At my first church in Rogersville TN, I once planned a retreat without really consulting my key parent leaders. I thought, “They’ll just get on board.” Nope. I got hit with a wave of questions, concerns, and a little frustration. The retreat still happened, but I had to work twice as hard to rebuild trust with those parents afterward.
The best thing you can do? Communicate. Over-communicate. Keep parents in the loop, invite their input, and let them know you value them. Build relationships with adult leaders, invest in them, and empower them to lead alongside you. It’ll make your life (and your ministry) so much easier.
Hot Take: Don’t do anything spontaneous. Parents and Adults don’t like it. Keep your event planning calculated and in advance.
3. Don’t Try to Be Somebody You’re Not
This one’s huge. When you step into youth ministry, it’s tempting to create some cool, ultra-relatable version of yourself that you think students will like. But trust me, they can see right through it.
I tried so hard at first to be the fun, over-the-top, high-energy youth pastor. You know, the guy who’s always loud, always making jokes, and always hyped. But that’s not really me. And honestly, it was exhausting.
If you’re naturally funny, great—lean into it. If you’re more of a deep thinker, own that. If you’re not the type to jump off a stage and crowd surf at camp, don’t force it. Students respect authenticity way more than a manufactured personality. Just be yourself, and let God use you the way He designed you.
Final Thoughts
Youth ministry is an incredible calling, and the first couple of years are a wild ride. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll have awkward moments. You’ll probably look back and cringe at a few things (I sure do). But if you stay humble, invest in the right relationships, and stay true to who you are, you’ll set yourself up for a solid foundation.
So take a breath. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be faithful. And trust me—God will take care of the rest.
Blowing Up Your Youth Ministry
So, you want to wreck your youth ministry? No? Are you sure? Because sometimes, even with good intentions, we’re doing things that are actually tearing it down. If you want to ensure your ministry falls apart, here are a few foolproof ways to make it happen. But if you want to build something strong, take this as a wake-up call.
1. Make It All About You
Your students should know who the real star of the ministry is—you. Make sure every sermon includes a personal story (preferably one where you’re the hero), and don’t bother raising up student leaders or volunteers because you can do it all better anyway. Keep the focus on your charisma, your vision, your voice. If you ever start to think, Wait, isn’t this supposed to be about Jesus?, push that thought away fast.
✅ Fix It: Kill your ego. Point students to Jesus, not yourself. Raise up leaders. Hand off responsibilities. Ministry is not a one-man show.
2. Ignore the Hard Conversations
Keep things fun. Always fun. Don’t talk about sin, identity, purpose, or obedience—those might make students uncomfortable. Dodge tough topics like purity, identity crisis, or real faith struggles because, you know, they might not come back next week. Just stick to hype, games, and a five-minute devo that’s about as deep as a kiddie pool.
✅ Fix It: Be bold. Speak the truth in love. Give students something real to hold onto in a world full of empty noise. They crave authenticity more than entertainment.
3. Overlook Your Leaders
Who needs a strong adult leadership team when you can do it all yourself? Treat your volunteers like babysitters instead of mentors. Never invest in them, never pray with them, and definitely never let them lead. Assume that because they’re adults, they should just “get it” and not need any guidance from you.
✅ Fix It: Train, equip, and love your leaders. Meet with them. Pray for them. Make sure they’re growing so they can invest in students effectively.
4. Chase Numbers Over Discipleship
It’s all about attendance. If you have a packed room, you’re winning. Who cares if most of them don’t know Jesus? Just keep the lights, music, and giveaways coming. Spiritual growth? Eh, that’s optional. As long as your Instagram stories look hype, you’re doing great.
✅ Fix It: Numbers matter, but life change matters more. Measure success by transformed lives, not just attendance.
5. Neglect Your Own Spiritual Life
You’re in ministry, so that counts as your time with God, right? Who has time for personal prayer and Bible study when you’re running a whole youth group? Just wing your sermons, pray on stage, and assume that’s enough to stay spiritually healthy. Meanwhile, let burnout, bitterness, and exhaustion creep in.
✅ Fix It: Guard your time with Jesus. Your personal walk impacts everything you do in ministry. Stay grounded in Him or you’ll have nothing real to offer your students.
6. Ignore Parents
You’re the youth pastor, so you know best, right? Parents? They’re just in the way. No need to partner with them, communicate with them, or equip them to disciple their own kids. After all, youth ministry is where real faith happens, not at home.
✅ Fix It: Partner with parents. Keep them in the loop. Help them lead their students spiritually because they have way more influence than you do.
7. Refuse to Adapt
You’ve been doing things this way for years, and it worked back then, so why change? Culture is shifting, students are struggling in new ways, but you refuse to tweak your approach. Just keep using the same outdated strategies and pretend like it’s still 2005.
✅ Fix It: Stay anchored in Scripture but flexible in strategy. Know your students. Meet them where they are while pointing them to the never-changing truth of God’s Word.
Time to Rebuild
If any of these hit home, it’s not too late. The goal isn’t just to have a youth ministry—it’s to build one that actually changes lives. Let’s stop wrecking it and start leading it well.
Your students need a leader who’s real, who’s growing, and who’s pointing them to Jesus. Be that leader. And whatever you do—don’t blow it up. Let’s set up a time to talk through some of the ways we blow up our ministry unintentionally. Leave a comment below or shoot me an email.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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