Learning to lead at home and at church!
I took some time this morning rewriting a previous blog I wrote last fall. “Ministry and Family. Is there such a thing as balance.” I’ve updated it and added some more insights I believe can help the struggling youth pastor navigate the family and ministry. (Pretty sure this is going to be an ongoing conversation.)
I mean I was rockin’ and rollin’ in student ministry during my younger years! I was young, newly married, and living the “dual income, no kids” lifestyle! Students were engaged, ministry was growing, and I thought to myself… “Man, I’ve got this!”
You’ve heard the phrase “pride goes before the fall.” Well, I heard it in the dead of night—from my wife.
Sometime later, things in ministry were cruising. My wife had just given birth to our firstborn, and when we came home from the hospital, I just kept on rockin’ and rollin’. The ministry needed my enthusiasm and energy. It needed the best of me—all the time.
This went on for a month or two, until one night after a long day of ministry, I came home late. Shelley was already in bed with the lights out. I got ready for bed, crawled in, and in the dead of night I heard a simple cry: “I miss you.”
My heart sank. The Lord used that simple three-word phrase to strike a heavy blow to my pride. She was right. In my youthfulness and pride, I made ministry more important than my family.
Ministry—especially youth ministry—has a way of doing that. The rockstar mentality. The “everything revolves around me” trap. The “everything will fall apart if I’m not in it” voice that whispers to our soul. We may never say those things out loud for fear of sounding prideful, but we certainly live them more often than we want to admit.
But our families need us too. Especially when our kids are little. And here’s the tricky part: if we’re not careful, we can swing the pendulum too far in the other direction—ignoring the ministry God has called us to out of guilt or frustration.
So where’s the middle ground?
Here’s my theory: We put so much pressure on performance and not enough on relationship.
Performance says, “You’re not doing enough. Try harder. Please people.”
Relationship says, “Let’s just sit and enjoy this moment together.”
Performance is fuel for perfection and managing expectations.
Relationship is thoughtful and intentional.
Performance is toxic and never-ending.
Relationship is eternal and life-giving.
(You see what I’m getting at.)
Ministry is relationships. Not performance.
Family is rooted in relationship. Not performance.
When we have the right perspective, it brings clarity to our time and our energy. Yes, our family may need to learn to “let go of daddy” for a short time. And yes, the ministry may need to learn to let go of “youth pastor Steve” on some nights too. But there is a harmony to discover. A rhythm where we love our family well and lead our students well.
And I’ll say it again—this is not a 50/50 equation. Harmony isn’t always equal parts. It’s more like a song. Some notes hold longer than others, but they work together to create something beautiful.
Let’s Talk About the “You Should Be There” Trap
There’s another false narrative that creeps into our minds as youth pastors—it’s the one no one says out loud, but we hear it loud and clear: “You should be there.”
A student has a big game. A school concert. A play. A graduation party. A baptism at Grandma’s church. And in our deep sense of pastoral duty—and maybe our pride—we convince ourselves we have to show up to every single one. That’s what good youth pastors do, right?
But here’s the truth: nobody told you that you have to be at everything. Those expectations? They’re usually perceived, not prescribed. And when you have a spouse and little ones at home, those extra hours out start to pull on the very people God’s entrusted you to lead first.
Let me be clear—go to some events! Be present where you can. Cheer your students on. Let them know you see them. But you don’t have to be everywhere. Your ministry isn’t going to crumble if you miss a soccer game. And your student isn’t going to walk away from the faith because you didn’t make it to their school play.
What they will notice is whether or not you’re whole. Whether you’re emotionally present. Whether your home life is thriving.
So go to some events. But not all. Prioritize presence over pressure.
The Marriage Tension We Don’t Talk About Enough
This tension between ministry and home doesn’t just affect your schedule—it impacts your marriage. If you’re married, the balance between church and home isn’t something you can figure out on your own and hope your spouse just goes along with it. It requires honest conversations, consistent check-ins, and humble leadership.
Youth pastor, you need to be the one who initiates those conversations. Don’t wait until your spouse is in tears or fed up. Ask the questions. Seek understanding. Talk about what your schedule looks like. Make space for your spouse to speak freely about how it feels when you’re gone four nights in a row. And then—listen. Really listen.
Communication is key. But so is effort. Your spouse doesn’t just need a conversation—they need your help at home. They need your presence, your partnership, and your willingness to step in with the kids, the meals, the bedtime routines, the dishes, all of it. Ministry starts at home. Don’t sacrifice your marriage on the altar of your calling. God never asked you to do that.
Rhythms That Help
I’ve had to learn—and still am learning—some rhythms that help keep this harmony in check. Here are a few practical things that have made a difference for me:
- Put family nights on your calendar first. If it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen.
- Share the load with volunteers. You don’t have to be the hero. Let others step up.
- Invite your family into ministry moments—and honor the times they need to stay out of them.
- Learn to say no without feeling guilty.
- Let go of the false belief that everything depends on you. It doesn’t. And that’s actually good news.
Ministry isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about surrender. It’s about trusting God with your family and your flock, and remembering that you’re not their Savior—He is.
So youth pastor, keep going. Keep growing. Keep pursuing harmony over hustle. Because when your heart is healthy, your home and your ministry will follow.
Genuinely, I’m here to help. I’d love to partner with you to find harmony is navigating your home life and your calling. Shoot me an email or set up a 1on1 coaching session. Comment below what you think are more helpful tips in navigating the harmony of home and ministry.
Leading from the second (or third) chair.
The thoughts and principles here come from years of being in the “second or third chair.” I’ve walked the road of learning how to lead well while not being the one making the final decisions. There are plenty of great books I’d recommend that dive deeper into this topic—Lead by Paul David Tripp, The 360-Degree Leader by John Maxwell, and How to Lead When You’re Not in Charge by Clay Scroggins—but for now, I just want to share some advice from my own experience.
I remember the first time I sat in a staff meeting as a youth pastor. I was young, full of ideas, and convinced that if everyone would just listen to me, the church would instantly thrive. But it didn’t take long for reality to hit—youth ministry is often a support role, not the lead role. I wasn’t making the big decisions. I didn’t set the vision for the church. I wasn’t the final authority. And honestly, that was a tough pill to swallow.
If you’ve been in student ministry for any length of time, you know this feeling. We work hard, pour into students, and dream big, yet we operate under the leadership of a senior pastor, elders, or a church board. Whether you serve in a healthy church or one with its challenges, there will be moments when you don’t agree with leadership or when you feel unseen. So how do we lead well when we’re not in charge?
Be Grace-Filled
Church leadership is hard. I used to think senior pastors had it easy—until I saw the weight they carry. Decisions aren’t made in a vacuum; there are budgets, people, and long-term vision to consider. Instead of growing frustrated, we need to give grace. Maybe that decision you don’t love has layers you don’t see. Maybe that meeting that felt dismissive wasn’t personal. The more grace you extend, the more you’ll find yourself at peace in your role. We have to believe the best of leadership because if we don’t bitterness sets in.
Honor Even When You Disagree
Disagreements will happen. Maybe you wish your budget was bigger, or your ministry was prioritized differently. Maybe you have theological or philosophical differences with leadership. But how we handle those disagreements matters. Honor doesn’t mean blind agreement, but it does mean choosing respect. Instead of gossiping to volunteers or venting on social media, have direct conversations. Bring your concerns with a posture of humility, not entitlement. The way you handle disagreements will either build trust or break it.
Stay Humble by “Dying to Self”
Ministry isn’t about us. It’s about Jesus. And that means daily dying to our own pride, preferences, and ego. I’ve had to learn that my best ideas aren’t always the right ones, and sometimes I need to step back and submit to the bigger picture. Humility isn’t weakness—it’s strength under control. When we choose humility, we create a culture where students, volunteers, and staff members see Christ, not our personal ambitions.
Seek Relationship to Foster Understanding
It’s easy to critique leadership from a distance, but have you built a relationship with them? Take your pastor to lunch. Ask about their story, their calling, their struggles. When you seek to understand instead of assuming the worst, you’ll often find more common ground than you expect. Strong relationships lead to trust, and trust leads to influence. The more you invest in relationship, the more your voice will carry weight when it matters.
Communicate Up
Don’t assume your pastor knows what’s happening in your ministry. If you only communicate when there’s a problem, you’re missing an opportunity. Be intentional about sending updates, sharing wins, and asking for input. Schedule check-ins. Send a quick email celebrating what God is doing in students’ lives. Good communication builds confidence in your leadership and reminds those above you that student ministry is a vital part of the church’s mission.
Simply Do Your Job
At the end of the day, the best way to lead when you’re not in charge is to be faithful with what you’ve been given. Show up. Love students. Equip leaders. Preach the gospel. Be consistent. Faithfulness over time builds credibility, and credibility opens doors. Your role may be a supporting one, but that doesn’t mean it’s insignificant. The kingdom of God isn’t built by titles or positions—it’s built by servants who simply do the work.
So lead well, even when you’re not in charge. Love your pastor. Honor your leadership. Stay humble. Keep serving. And trust that in God’s perfect timing, your faithfulness will bear fruit.
I get it, being a youth pastor and feeling like you have no influence in the direction of the church is frustrating. Many of you are stuck here. I’d like to help. Shoot me an email or comment. Let’s pray together and believe together about your context and cultivate ways to lead effectively.
Developing your “Why”
Every youth pastor and ministry leader needs a clear philosophy of ministry—a guiding framework that keeps their purpose, passions, and practices aligned with God’s calling. Without one, it’s easy to drift from one event to the next, missing the bigger picture of why we do what we do. Developing a philosophy of ministry requires intentional reflection on Biblical priorities, personal passions, church alignment, and measurable goals. Here’s how to craft yours. (I’ve also included a downloadable worksheet in this blog post.)
Consider the Basics: Biblical Priorities
Ministry isn’t built on personal preference or trendy programming; it’s grounded in timeless Biblical truths. The five foundational aspects of church ministry found in Acts 2 should shape every decision and direction:
- Worship – Are you leading students to encounter and respond to God with their lives?
- Discipleship – Are students growing deeper in their faith, learning to walk as Jesus did?
- Fellowship – Is your ministry fostering a biblical community where students belong and grow together?
- Missions – Are you mobilizing students to serve others and take the gospel beyond their comfort zones?
- Evangelism – Are lost students hearing the gospel and being invited to follow Jesus? Are your students equipped to share the gospel personally?
A solid philosophy of ministry ensures that every program, event, and small group points students toward these biblical priorities.
Consider Your Passions: What Lights Your Fire?
God has wired you uniquely for ministry. Your burdens, joys, and deepest convictions shape how you lead. Maybe you’re passionate about discipleship and long to see students own their faith. Perhaps evangelism fuels you, and you want your ministry to be an outreach movement.
Identifying your passion helps refine your ministry approach. While we’re all called to the full breadth of ministry, our specific burdens can help us focus energy on areas where we’ll be most effective. Ask yourself:
- What aspect of ministry makes me feel most alive?
- When have I seen the greatest impact in students’ lives?
- What keeps me up at night when I think about this generation?
Let these passions guide your philosophy of ministry and shape your leadership.
Consider Your Church’s Vision and Content
Ministry isn’t done in isolation. Your student ministry should operate under the greater vision and mission of your church. Does your church have a vision frame or overarching theme? Are there specific values or strategies they emphasize?
Stepping under the church’s philosophy ensures unity and alignment. It also provides clarity and direction as you shape your ministry’s culture. Rather than working independently, strong ministry leaders take the church’s vision and contextualize it for their specific audience.
If your church values community engagement, how does that shape your youth ministry? If discipleship is a core emphasis, how do you structure small groups and mentorship? A clear philosophy of ministry works in harmony with the church’s overall mission.
Consider Your Goals and Objectives
A strong philosophy of ministry doesn’t just focus on the present—it looks ahead. Where do you want your students to be in one year? Five years? When they graduate? Consider these dimensions:
- Spiritually – What do you want students to know, believe, and live out?
- Emotionally – How will your ministry address mental health, identity, and resilience?
- Physically – What environments and experiences will help shape students holistically?
Set clear objectives that align with your ministry philosophy. For example, if your passion is discipleship, your goal might be to have every student connected to a mentor by the end of the year. If evangelism is your heartbeat, you might aim for every student to share their faith with at least one friend. Tangible goals keep your philosophy actionable.
Crafting Your Statement
After reflecting on these aspects, it’s time to summarize your philosophy of ministry in a clear, concise statement. This statement should capture your heart for ministry and serve as a guiding compass. For example:
- “To glorify God with my life and ministry, and lead others to do the same.”
- “To disciple students in such a way that they grow in faith, live on mission, and make an impact for Christ.”
- “To create a student ministry where every teenager is known, loved, and challenged to follow Jesus.”
Your philosophy of ministry isn’t just a statement on paper; it’s a framework that influences every aspect of your leadership. As you develop and refine yours, let it shape the way you lead, plan, and invest in the students God has entrusted to you. When your ministry has a clear “why,” everything else falls into place.
FREE RESOURCE: Developing Your Personal Ministry Philosophy Worksheet.
Click to download a worksheet to help you craft your personal ministry statement.
I’d encourage you to start by writing in your journal the answers to some of these questions. Allow the exercise to help shape your “why.” If you need some help talking through it, I’d love to help. Shoot me an email at steve@freshcalling.org or leave a comment.
Rookie Youth Pastors should NEVER do this!
I remember stepping into my first youth pastor role with a mix of excitement and terror. I had big ideas, a passion for students, and a confidence that I was ready to change the world. Looking back, I wish someone had sat me down and given me a friendly but firm reality check. So if you’re in your first couple of years of youth ministry, consider this that conversation. Here are three things I learned the hard way—three things NOT to do.
1. Don’t Believe You Know It All
When you’re young and fresh in ministry, it’s easy to think you’ve got it all figured out. You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, took some youth ministry classes in college and you’re pumped to do things differently than the last guy. But let me tell you—humility goes a long way.
I remember planning an event and assuming I had every detail covered. Turns out, I didn’t even think about things like parent communication, budget approval, or the fact that the church calendar already had another event booked for the same night. Rookie mistake. My pastor kindly pulled me aside and said, “Hey, it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to prove anything.” He taught me the “5 P’s” of event planning. (Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance) That was a game-changer and I still use his advice today 30 years later.
So, stay teachable. Ask questions. Seek wisdom from those who have been in the game longer than you. The best youth pastors aren’t the ones who think they have all the answers—they’re the ones who keep learning and growing.
2. Don’t Neglect the Parents and Adults Who Support You
When I first got into youth ministry, I thought my job was all about the students. And while that’s obviously a huge part of it, I quickly realized something: parents and adult leaders are just as important to my success.
If parents don’t trust you, they won’t support what you’re doing. If adult leaders feel ignored or undervalued, they won’t stick around. And trust me, you NEED them.
At my first church in Rogersville TN, I once planned a retreat without really consulting my key parent leaders. I thought, “They’ll just get on board.” Nope. I got hit with a wave of questions, concerns, and a little frustration. The retreat still happened, but I had to work twice as hard to rebuild trust with those parents afterward.
The best thing you can do? Communicate. Over-communicate. Keep parents in the loop, invite their input, and let them know you value them. Build relationships with adult leaders, invest in them, and empower them to lead alongside you. It’ll make your life (and your ministry) so much easier.
Hot Take: Don’t do anything spontaneous. Parents and Adults don’t like it. Keep your event planning calculated and in advance.
3. Don’t Try to Be Somebody You’re Not
This one’s huge. When you step into youth ministry, it’s tempting to create some cool, ultra-relatable version of yourself that you think students will like. But trust me, they can see right through it.
I tried so hard at first to be the fun, over-the-top, high-energy youth pastor. You know, the guy who’s always loud, always making jokes, and always hyped. But that’s not really me. And honestly, it was exhausting.
If you’re naturally funny, great—lean into it. If you’re more of a deep thinker, own that. If you’re not the type to jump off a stage and crowd surf at camp, don’t force it. Students respect authenticity way more than a manufactured personality. Just be yourself, and let God use you the way He designed you.
Final Thoughts
Youth ministry is an incredible calling, and the first couple of years are a wild ride. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll have awkward moments. You’ll probably look back and cringe at a few things (I sure do). But if you stay humble, invest in the right relationships, and stay true to who you are, you’ll set yourself up for a solid foundation.
So take a breath. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be faithful. And trust me—God will take care of the rest.
Blowing Up Your Youth Ministry
So, you want to wreck your youth ministry? No? Are you sure? Because sometimes, even with good intentions, we’re doing things that are actually tearing it down. If you want to ensure your ministry falls apart, here are a few foolproof ways to make it happen. But if you want to build something strong, take this as a wake-up call.
1. Make It All About You
Your students should know who the real star of the ministry is—you. Make sure every sermon includes a personal story (preferably one where you’re the hero), and don’t bother raising up student leaders or volunteers because you can do it all better anyway. Keep the focus on your charisma, your vision, your voice. If you ever start to think, Wait, isn’t this supposed to be about Jesus?, push that thought away fast.
✅ Fix It: Kill your ego. Point students to Jesus, not yourself. Raise up leaders. Hand off responsibilities. Ministry is not a one-man show.
2. Ignore the Hard Conversations
Keep things fun. Always fun. Don’t talk about sin, identity, purpose, or obedience—those might make students uncomfortable. Dodge tough topics like purity, identity crisis, or real faith struggles because, you know, they might not come back next week. Just stick to hype, games, and a five-minute devo that’s about as deep as a kiddie pool.
✅ Fix It: Be bold. Speak the truth in love. Give students something real to hold onto in a world full of empty noise. They crave authenticity more than entertainment.
3. Overlook Your Leaders
Who needs a strong adult leadership team when you can do it all yourself? Treat your volunteers like babysitters instead of mentors. Never invest in them, never pray with them, and definitely never let them lead. Assume that because they’re adults, they should just “get it” and not need any guidance from you.
✅ Fix It: Train, equip, and love your leaders. Meet with them. Pray for them. Make sure they’re growing so they can invest in students effectively.
4. Chase Numbers Over Discipleship
It’s all about attendance. If you have a packed room, you’re winning. Who cares if most of them don’t know Jesus? Just keep the lights, music, and giveaways coming. Spiritual growth? Eh, that’s optional. As long as your Instagram stories look hype, you’re doing great.
✅ Fix It: Numbers matter, but life change matters more. Measure success by transformed lives, not just attendance.
5. Neglect Your Own Spiritual Life
You’re in ministry, so that counts as your time with God, right? Who has time for personal prayer and Bible study when you’re running a whole youth group? Just wing your sermons, pray on stage, and assume that’s enough to stay spiritually healthy. Meanwhile, let burnout, bitterness, and exhaustion creep in.
✅ Fix It: Guard your time with Jesus. Your personal walk impacts everything you do in ministry. Stay grounded in Him or you’ll have nothing real to offer your students.
6. Ignore Parents
You’re the youth pastor, so you know best, right? Parents? They’re just in the way. No need to partner with them, communicate with them, or equip them to disciple their own kids. After all, youth ministry is where real faith happens, not at home.
✅ Fix It: Partner with parents. Keep them in the loop. Help them lead their students spiritually because they have way more influence than you do.
7. Refuse to Adapt
You’ve been doing things this way for years, and it worked back then, so why change? Culture is shifting, students are struggling in new ways, but you refuse to tweak your approach. Just keep using the same outdated strategies and pretend like it’s still 2005.
✅ Fix It: Stay anchored in Scripture but flexible in strategy. Know your students. Meet them where they are while pointing them to the never-changing truth of God’s Word.
Time to Rebuild
If any of these hit home, it’s not too late. The goal isn’t just to have a youth ministry—it’s to build one that actually changes lives. Let’s stop wrecking it and start leading it well.
Your students need a leader who’s real, who’s growing, and who’s pointing them to Jesus. Be that leader. And whatever you do—don’t blow it up. Let’s set up a time to talk through some of the ways we blow up our ministry unintentionally. Leave a comment below or shoot me an email.
A Youth Pastor that sees…
Three simple perspectives to help reinvigorate your passion for leading.
A youth pastor should never have their head down. Eyes up. Always looking—looking for God’s next move, looking for the needs of their people, looking for the bigger picture of where the ministry is headed. If you’re leading with your head down, you might miss it.
Ministry isn’t about just getting through another Wednesday night, planning another game, or giving another lesson. It’s about seeing—seeing where God is moving, seeing the hearts of your students, and seeing the bigger vision He has for your ministry.
Let’s talk about three things every youth pastor should be looking for.
1. Seeing the Direction of Your Ministry and Leading People to It
A youth ministry without vision is like a road trip without a map. Sure, you might still have fun, but you won’t know where you’re going—or how to get there.
Where is God leading your ministry? Are you just maintaining or actually moving forward? A youth pastor with vision is always thinking ahead, preparing for growth, and leading students toward a deeper faith. That might mean developing a discipleship plan, raising up student leaders, or creating a culture of worship and prayer.
If you don’t know where you’re headed, your students won’t either. Lift your eyes and ask God, What’s next?
2. Seeing the Needs of Your People and Speaking to Them
If all you see is the calendar and the to-do list, you’re missing what’s right in front of you—your students’ struggles, questions, and spiritual hunger.
A youth pastor who truly “sees” is paying attention. You notice the student who’s withdrawing, the one who always cracks jokes to cover their pain, the one who’s wrestling with faith but doesn’t know how to ask. And when you see these things, you respond. You don’t just preach generic sermons—you speak to real struggles, real doubts, and real hopes.
Jesus was a master at this. He saw the needs of people and met them exactly where they were. That’s the kind of leader your students need.
3. Seeing the Hand of God and Celebrating It
It’s easy to get caught up in what’s not happening. Maybe attendance is down, volunteers are scarce, or the energy isn’t what it used to be. But are you seeing what God is doing?
That one student who is growing in faith? That leader who stepped up unexpectedly? The breakthrough moment in worship last week? God is moving. Always. And as a leader, you set the tone. If you celebrate what God is doing, your students will start looking for Him too.
Take time to acknowledge and thank God for what you do see. Gratitude shifts the atmosphere.
The Best Part? God Sees Too.
Here’s what’s cool—you’re not the only one watching.
God sees you. He sees your struggles, your sacrifices, and your prayers that no one else knows about. He sees your students, their brokenness, their growth, and their potential. And He’s guiding you through it all.
When you look to Him, He will reveal what you need to see. So, eyes up, pastor. Keep looking, keep leading, and keep trusting the One who sees it all.
I’d love to celebrate what you see… shoot me an email or comment below!
The Mind of a Youth Pastor
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” – Matthew 22:37
Being a youth pastor is more than just games, pizza nights, and the occasional deep talk over coffee. It’s a calling that demands our whole selves—heart, soul, and yes, mind. If we want to truly shepherd the next generation, we can’t afford to let our minds go dull.
The reality is, youth culture is always shifting. What worked last year might not work now. The questions teens are asking today may not be the ones we wrestled with at their age. If we’re not intentional about growing in wisdom and sharpening our minds, we risk becoming stagnant in a role that demands fresh insight, creativity, and deep biblical understanding.
I’d like to dedicate this blog post to asking the question, how do we stay sharp? What are some ways to cultivate a “learning culture” in your personal life and the ministry God has called you to?
Stay Curious, Stay Sharp
A sharp mind starts with a posture of learning. Jesus calls us to love God with all our minds, which means thinking deeply, asking good questions, and constantly seeking wisdom—both from His Word and from the world He’s placed us in.
So, how do we stay sharp? Here are a few ways that help me:
1. Read Like a Lifelong Student
I have a friend who reads 25-30 books a year! That’s insane. I barely get through 5-8 books a year. But, he is one of the wisest people I know, and I value what he says because it comes from a place of deep insight.
Whether it’s Scripture, theology, leadership books, or cultural insights, reading fuels a sharp mind. I try to always have a book in my bag that challenges me to think deeper about ministry, discipleship, and the teenage brain. Need a place to start? Try classics like Sticky Faith by Kara Powell or Spiritual Leadership by J. Oswald Sanders. One I just finished was, “Raising Spiritual Champions” by George Barna. There are plenty of books to choose from, if you need help I can give you some of my favorites. You’ve got to start somewhere.
2. Learn from Other Leaders
I don’t have all the answers (shocking, I know). That’s why I make it a point to learn from those ahead of me—mentors, seasoned pastors, even youth leaders in different contexts. Podcasts, conferences, and good old-fashioned coffee chats with other ministry leaders have been some of my best learning moments. My good friend, Jeff Wallace once said, “If you are the smartest person in the room, you might be in the wrong room.”
3. Ask Hard Questions (and Be Okay Without Easy Answers)
The best youth pastors I know aren’t the ones with quick, polished responses. They’re the ones who embrace tough questions, wrestle with Scripture, and create safe spaces for students to process their faith. A sharp mind doesn’t mean having all the answers—it means being willing to engage in the deep, sometimes messy work of discipleship. We host an apologetics class once a month. It’s a great way to welcome some of our students hard questions and the opportunity to form a Biblical Worldview. Truth is, if I am pursuing a “learning culture” in my life it will be reflected in my ministry.
Keep Growing, Keep Shepherding
Loving God with our minds is a lifelong pursuit. As youth pastors, we’re not just called to teach—we’re called to learn, to think critically, and to grow in wisdom so that we can lead well. Let’s not limit our level of learning to seminary or undergrad classes.
So, let’s be students of the Word. Let’s be students of culture. Let’s never stop learning how to better shepherd the incredible students God has entrusted to us. Because a sharp mind, fueled by a soft heart, can change the world—one student at a time.
I’d love to know what book you’re reading? How do you sharpening your mind? Give me some advice on how you stay sharp. Comment below.
The Soul of a Youth Pastor
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” – Matthew 22:37
This is part two of our series based on Matthew 22:37. Let’s talk about our soul. Much of this post is common sense for us, but it needs to be said. We need to be reminded of the value of soul care.
In my last post, The Heart of a Youth Pastor, we talked about the deep calling to love God first and lead students well. But what happens when our own souls feel dry? How do we tend our soul while tending the souls of others?
The answer isn’t in doing more—it’s in drawing closer to Jesus, the Good Shepherd.
Letting the Shepherd Lead Us
We spend so much time leading that we forget we’re still sheep. Jesus said, “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” (John 10:11). Before we are pastors, we are His. Before we feed others, we must be fed.
Lately, I’ve been asking myself: Am I letting Jesus tend my soul, or am I running on empty, trying to handle it all myself?
Resting in His Care
Shepherds don’t just guide—they protect and restore. David reminds us in Psalm 23: “He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul.”
If Jesus is leading us, why do we resist rest? Why do we believe the lie that the ministry will fall apart if we take a breath? Soul-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival. A shepherd never expects his sheep to run ahead; he calls them to walk with him.
A Challenge for You
Let’s be honest—when was the last time you sat with Jesus, not to plan or prepare, but just to be with Him?
- Are you spending more time leading others to the Good Shepherd than following Him yourself?
- Do you find your soul thriving, or just surviving?
- What would change if you prioritized your own time with Jesus as much as you prioritize your ministry?
I challenge you—this week, set aside time to be with Jesus. No sermon prep. No leadership books. No distractions. Just you and Him. Silence and solitude. Let the Good Shepherd care for your soul.
Because a well-tended soul is a soul that leads well.
How’s your soul today? If you need some advice or beginning to feel run down and depleted. Connect with me and I’d love to help shepherd you. Shoot me an email at steve@freshcalling.org and we’ll connect.
The Busy Youth Pastor
There’s never a shortage of things to do in youth ministry. Between planning events, attending games, discipling students, organizing outreach opportunities, and making sure there are enough snacks for small group night, it’s easy to feel like you’re running at full speed with no finish line in sight. Every youth pastor has felt the tension: Am I doing enough?
Here’s the truth, ministry never stops, but that doesn’t mean you have to run yourself into the ground. The pressure you feel to be everywhere, say yes to everything, and meet every need often comes from a place of false expectations. And if no one has told you this lately, let me remind you: You are not called to do it all.
Are You Really That Busy?
How many times has a friend asked, “How’s it going? and your automatic response was, Busy! It’s like a badge of honor we wear, proof that we’re working hard and giving it our all. But are we really that busy, or do we hide behind busy to justify our worth?
Being busy doesn’t equal being effective. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the more we do, the more valuable we are in ministry. But your worth is not found in how packed your schedule is – it’s found in Christ. He didn’t call you to be busy; He called you to be faithful.
Stop Carrying More Than You Were Asked To
Jesus never asked you to be at every event or personally disciple every student. He asked you to be obedient. When you try to carry the full weight of ministry, you start operating out of exhaustion rather than calling. And that’s not sustainable.
You don’t have to say yes to every opportunity that comes your way. In fact, learning to say no might be the healthiest decision for both you and your students. When you do less, you can focus on doing what truly matters, building meaningful relationships, teaching God’s Word, and equipping leaders who can disciple others.
Shift From Doing to Delegating
One of the biggest mistakes youth pastors make is believing they have to do everything themselves. But ministry was never meant to be a solo act. You have volunteers, leaders, and even students who are capable and willing to help if you let them. By empowering others, you not only lighten your own load but also create space for others to grow in their faith and leadership.
Take a Breath, You’re Doing Better Than You Think
At the end of the day, you don’t have to prove yourself by how much you do. Your identity is not in the number of events you plan but in Christ, who called you into this ministry in the first place. So take a deep breath. Trust that God is working in your students lives even when you take a day off. And remember you don’t have to do it all to be faithful.
If this describes you, “Too Busy!” I’d love to share with you some of my thoughts on the 5 P’s of ministry calendaring. It might help calm the stress of busy. Schedule a 1 on 1 coaching session and let’s chat.
The Anxious Youth Pastor
Anxiety in Ministry: Overcoming the Fear of Getting It Wrong
Ministry is one of the most fulfilling yet demanding callings a person can pursue. I’ve walked the road you’re on—the late nights, the self-doubt, and the weight of wondering if I’m doing enough or making the right decisions. For youth pastors, one of the biggest challenges is the persistent fear of failure. That fear can feel like a heavy backpack, making every step in ministry more exhausting than it needs to be.
I get it. The fear of getting it wrong can feel paralyzing, keeping you from making decisions, planning events, or having those difficult but necessary conversations with your students. But I want to encourage you: you don’t have to carry this alone. Let’s talk about what anxiety in ministry looks like and how we can choose faith over fear, trusting God to guide us every step of the way.
Understanding the Challenge
I’ve noticed that anxiety in ministry often stems from a deep love for our students and a strong desire to do right by them. That care, while beautiful, can also make the weight of every decision feel overwhelming. I’ve experienced anxiety show up in several ways, maybe you have too:
- Decision-Making Paralysis: Have you ever been so afraid of making the wrong choice that you don’t make any choice at all? I’ve been there.
- Overextension: Sometimes, in trying to prove ourselves, we take on too much. I’ve done it—thinking I could juggle it all and then crashing hard.
- Isolation: Anxiety can make you feel ashamed, like you’re the only one struggling, so you pull away from others. It’s a lonely place to be.
- Diminished Joy: When anxiety takes over, ministry starts feeling like a job rather than the joyful calling it’s meant to be.
This generation is filled with anxiety, and if we’re honest, we often carry it ourselves without even realizing it. We’re so focused on helping our students manage their struggles that we forget to check in with our own hearts. Take a moment now: how are you really doing? Where are fear and anxiety sneaking into your life?
Biblical Foundations for Overcoming Anxiety
When I feel the weight of ministry pressing down, I turn to Scripture. God’s Word is full of reminders that we don’t have to do this alone. Here are a few truths that anchor me:
- God’s Presence: Joshua 1:9 reminds us, “Have I not commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” That promise means you’re never walking into a meeting, a sermon, or a crisis alone.
- Faith Over Fear: Jesus tells us in Matthew 17:20 that even faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. Trusting Him—even just a little—opens the door for His power to work.
- Strength in Weakness: I love Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Our struggles aren’t disqualifiers; they’re opportunities for God to shine.
Practical Strategies for Managing Anxiety in Ministry
Faith doesn’t mean ignoring practical steps. Let me share some strategies that have helped me manage anxiety and keep moving forward:
- Begin with Prayer and Surrender
- Every morning, I start by naming my fears and giving them to God. I ask Him for wisdom and peace, trusting He will provide. Philippians 4:6-7 says it best: “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
- Cultivate a Supportive Community
- Ministry isn’t meant to be done alone. I’ve learned to lean on mentors, peers, and trusted friends who remind me that I’m not in this by myself. Do you have people like that in your corner? If not, let’s find them together.
- Take Incremental Steps of Faith
- One thing I’ve learned is that overcoming anxiety doesn’t require giant leaps—it starts with small, faithful steps. The parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) shows us that God values our willingness to use what He’s given us, even if it feels small.
- Prioritize Relationships Over Perfection
- I’ve realized that students don’t care if my sermon is perfect or my event goes off without a hitch. What they remember is whether I showed up for them and made them feel seen and loved. Focus on building Christ-centered relationships, and the rest will follow.
- Establish Healthy Rhythms
- I’ve found that chaos fuels anxiety. Setting routines for spiritual growth, rest, and recreation has been a game-changer. Even Jesus took time to withdraw and pray (Luke 5:16), and if He needed it, so do we.
Redefining Failure as Growth
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is to see failure not as an end but as a step toward growth. Here’s how I’ve reframed it:
- Learn from Mistakes: Instead of beating myself up, I try to ask, “What can I learn from this?”
- Trust God’s Sovereignty: Romans 8:28 reminds us that God works all things for good. Even when my plans fall apart, His purposes stand firm.
- Celebrate Successes: Taking time to thank God for victories, no matter how small, helps me remember His faithfulness.
A Message of Encouragement
If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of anxiety, I want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and so have countless others. Your struggles don’t make you a bad pastor—they show how much you care. Ministry is challenging because it matters. The enemy wants to discourage you, but you are equipped and empowered by God.
Psalm 94:19 has been a lifeline for me: “When I am filled with cares, Your comfort brings me joy.” Lean into God’s presence, trust His guidance, and take the next step in faith. You don’t have to be perfect—you just have to be obedient.
Reflection Questions
- What specific aspects of ministry trigger anxiety for you, and how can you surrender these to God?
- Who can you lean on for encouragement and accountability in navigating ministry challenges?
- What small, faith-filled action can you take this week to move past fear?
- How can you incorporate healthier habits to minimize the impact of anxiety on your life and ministry?
- Which biblical truth will you cling to when anxiety begins to take hold?
You don’t have to let anxiety dominate your ministry. By anchoring yourself in faith and relying on God’s guidance, you can overcome fear and experience the joy of serving wholeheartedly. If this is a struggle you’d like to talk about, let’s connect. Schedule a one-on-one coaching session, and we can walk through it together.
Husband, Dad, Youth Pastor, Writer
Fresh Calling: Ministry Coaching and Consulting 
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